I have been married for 17 1/2 years. 8 years ago my husband admitted to being addicted to porn. The addiction started 6 months after we got married and had been going on ever since. He made promises, we went to counseling. He started meeting with two friends weekly to do "accountability".
4 weeks ago, I was away over night and received a picture text in the morning of him with his shirt off. Caption read, "just a little something to start your day". Thing was - it was sent to someone else as well. I asked and he acted shocked. I told him the number, he said he did not recognize it. I struggled to believe him.

The next Wednesday evening he said we needed to talk. He confessed to have "an inappropriate texting relationship" with this nurse for the last 6 months. The next day he said this has been happening with 4 different nurses. The next day he confessed that he started 2 to 3 years ago. He rounds on patients in a nursing home once a week. 3 of the nurses work there. The nurse that had received the same picture I did works at a hospital where he picks up one 24 hour shift a month.

His admissions just kep coming over the last 3 weeks. He says he has not had sex with any of them. I don't know what to believe. He has admitted going to one the nurses houses 3 different times. That same nurse came to our house while I was gone with our 3children over Spring Break last year. He met her coffee once. He has rubbed up against these nurses while rounding, has placed his hand on their legs, rubbed their backs, and giving "lingering hugs". They sex texted back and forth and shared "pics" with each other as well. He says no full nudity shots. His final confession was that the 24 hour shift nurse had come to visit him while he was working. They ended up with their shirts off - well, her sweatshirt came off and her cami never left her body, but was raised up over her breasts. Technicalities. They rolled around on the bed together, he rubbed her back, hugged her, etc. When she reached down his pants, it supposedly stopped then. (does that seem unbelievable to anyone else?)

He has cancelled all his future 24 hour shifts and has given his 30 notice at the nursing home. One the nurses at the nursing home had a baby 3 or 4 months ago. Rumor around the nursing home is that the baby is my husband's. He says that is not possible. He did not have sex with anyone. However, when the baby was born, he went to visit them in the hospital. I wonder if it was to see if the baby looked like him.

He says he tried over and over again to end things. Even would tell them "this needs to stop." Only to find himself doing it all over again. He called 3 of the 4 nurses with me in the room and told them he had told me everything and he would no longer be having contact with them.

I smashed his phone with a hammer. He initially just activated my old droid. But when he realized that did not give me any comfort he went and got a "dumb phone" and even had texting blocked on it. We have combined our facebook accounts and deleted our personal accounts. We have had a couple of sessions with a counselor and he is going to start some phone counseling with a sex addict specialist.

I heard all the same promises 8 years ago. All the same lines. "I love you" "I can't believe I could do this to you." "I was just so ashamed" "I just couldn't bring myself to tell you because I knew it would hurt you" "I feel like a monster. What if I let you see the darkest part of me and you decide you don't want to be with me anymore." 8 years ago I dictated the recovery process. Not this time! If he can't chose recovery himself then it is just not worth it.

I don't want a perfect spouse, just an honest one. He is my best friend. I love him to my deepest being. I just don't think it is my best interest to believe him. I was crushed but trying to make forward steps. But the confessions just kept coming. He not only lied the last 3 years , but the last three weeks too! The last confession pushed me over the edge. I have been overcome with anger - and that is not me. Overcome with despair - and that is not me. I am not myself. I can not see straight. I need help.

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Are any of these women married?

I would have him take a poly. Sorry to tell you, but it was physical with all of them.

Who have you exposed to?

Have you been STD tested?

Did you read the post at the top of the page? Start Here- Welcome Aboard.

Who have you exposed to?

More immediately WHAT have you been exposed to?

You and WH need to get a full STD screen ASAP, and
then another in six months, with no unprotected
sex until the second one comes back clean!

Im sorry that your here, but the people on this site can really help you. If you can stick with what they advise, you will come out of this!

Sorry you find yourself here but welcome to MB, Shredded.

Your WH is lying about the no sex. He is putting on a show and trickling out "just enough" truth so that you will believe that he has come clean...again and then again. Sadly this is typical...and crushing to a BS. I am leery about labeling people porn and sex addicts. How often was he viewing porn? You're dealing with a serial cheater who makes cheating and lying a way of life...something you need to seriously consider.

Do you know who these women are by name? If they are married?

Do you have children? Family nearby?

I think you should have a divorce of this marriage.

I think you should have a divorce of this marriage.

Very nice, Skippy! Now how about you head back to the children's table and let the adults deal with this, hmmmmm?

My thoughts exactly!

How are you, LM?

i updated my post a while back. Things are going pretty good right now. WeW is still a mess, but such is life.

What do mean "exposed" to? I am not familiar with the lingo here yet.
He continually tells me I don't need to be tested. He is a doctor in our small town. Not sure where to go to get tested.
1 of the women divorced during this time. 2 others are married yes.

Did you read this?
Start Here- Welcome Aboard

Read the exposure 101 thread.

The husbands of the OW need to be told about their wife's affairs.

Don't trust what your WH is saying. Go get tested.

What is "WH"? So ignorant. And BH?
Yes, I know the women by name. Do not know any of them personally though. 2 of them are married, 1divorced while this was occurring.
We have 3 children. 13, 11, and 8.
His family is about 45 minutes away, but his mom is out of town for another couple weeks.

Here.
Acroynoms and Abbreviations

WH=wayward husband
BH=Betrayed husband

He is having a poly done on Monday. Now...how accurate are they? IF that does show he is being honest, do I still get tested for STDs?

Exposing to the other spouses...I fear that would result in one of the nurses slapping a lawsuit on him since he is/was the medical director of the facility. Do I even let that determine my course of action?

How do I best protect my children?

Make up a list of questions NOW and tell him he has one last chance to come clean before the test, but you expect him to pass the test or you will know he is lying.


The other spouses have a right and a need to know. You should not protect your husband from the consequences of his actions. If he gets sued for his flagrant abuse of authority, it will be because he abused his power. What is more important is that these women's husbands are informed so they can protect themselves and their children from your husband.

Don't worry about lawsuits. Your husband is not worried about that one bit.

Is your husband going to resign his position? Obviously your marriage cannot ever recover while he works there. And since he has proven he is unfit for such a position, he should find another job where he is not in authority over others.

...he is going to start some phone counseling with a sex addict specialist.

You should get a prescription for some serious "cynicism" pills, my friend.

Taking off clothes, rubbing chests and other sensual body parts, rolling around on a bed, and when SHE starts to grab for the goods he's supposed to have said, "No, I'm not that kind of guy!"?

Let's cut right to the chase, kiddo. He railed every one of the women you know about, and probably some you don't. He even admitted as much when he starts claiming "sex addiction", as a backup ploy. If he didn't screw them, how was he satisfying his addiction?

And, btw, a newly revealed WH claiming to be a sex addict has about as much legitimacy as a prostitute screaming "RAPE!" when her client's check bounces!

Have you told your family and his family about the affairs?

I would have held off on the poly...but that's me. If you can afford it, you might as well get him in there now....and later...maybe.