Hello everyone, I am new to this site, but I am on other marriage sites.

Here is the short version... My W tells me in September she hasn't been happy for a long time and wants to separate. Up to this point I had been suspecting and affair because I noticed my W slowly becoming someone else. I would try to talk to her and it would always end in an argument. She has been resentful toward me because I have done a poor job in recognizing her love language. She has lost a lot of weight, and I did not do enough to notice and verbalize affirmation of this. So she would respond with why do you care now? You didn't care before I lost weight! Then the more I paid attention, I realized she was withdrawing form me more and to the computer and her phone more. I finally found enough evidence of a E/A that turned in to a P/A when she went to AZ to visit a "girlfriend" which was really a guy.

Welcome to MB.

Who is the OM? Is he married?

Have you exposed?

Please read this.
Start Here- Welcome Aboard

To continue my story.... But to go back a little in time, after I started suspecting things weren't on the up and up. I started to do all the wrong things. I started to say I love you more, begged her to let me help, and pressed and pressed. Would also cry to her saying how much I loved her. All that was before I found all these wonderful sites and books. But I think I've done to much damage. She said she didn't want me at home, she didn't think our marriage would work and wanted me to move on. She said she wants to be alone. I said I didn't want to move out and she said if I didn't she would and would have to take our D with her due to my work schedule. So I did move out. But then everyone is telling me to move back, if she wants out she should be the one to leave! So I moved back in 2 days ago and she isn't happy at all! I also exposed her EA/PA to her S/O in AZ and to her sister based on the article I had read on here. That was 3 days ago and I haven't heard anything from my W or her sister on my email. People on the another site said I should not have exposed her, that it will blow up in my face. I did this based on the outline given in the article that was posted.

So now I'm looking for advise. Is there anyone out there where this sounds familiar and had success in making their marriage work?

BrainHurts, I exposed her to her sister that she is very close to and the OP. He is going through a divorce, but I messaged both of them through FB anyway.

Is her OM married?

Who did you expose to on OM's side?

There are tons of Marriages on here that have recovered their marriages following MB.

I would advise for you to follow MB and drop those other sites.

I would contact the OM's wife. She needs to know why her marriage is falling apart. She will also probably give you loads of information.

OM already knows he is having an affair with your wife. Do you mean you confronted him? What did he say?

Dude, exposure is one-size-fits-all, and the size is......extra-large.

Here's your recipe:

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Your a lucky guy. You have two vets on this site on your thread! Read NGs story very inspiring read my friend. Nice name btw, anyways backt to the subject on hand. EXPOS�! To all mutual friends and family members don't sit on this! Also, leave those other sites behind MB is where it's at.

NeverGuessed, she has a lock on her phone, she has pword protected the home computer as well. So some of this won't work. I have sent out the info I have to her sister's attached with the email.

BrainHurts, yes I meant confronted the OM. He has not responded as I figured would be the case.

Tranguildark, how do i find NG's story? I'm also glad to hear I'm in the right place...! I need all the help I can get

You have your work cut out for you on exposure.
As stated above, exposure needs to be far and wide, and swift with a letter.
Look for examples on this site.
Read up on fog babble, and the wayward mind on this site.

The other sites don't work for affairs, ditch them.

Fireboss ... Sorry you find yourself here. You got some good advice going already but I thought I might chime in on the computer stuff. Regardless of your wife putting passwords on your home computer you CAN get access .. and then slap a keylogger on it. HOwever .. she will know you "hacked" into the computer.. but you could reiterate that secrecy/privacy in marriage is not tolerable except your bathroom functions. If/when she finds out you "hacked" into the computer tell her you didnt find what you were looking for (of course you didnt but you put spyware on it to FIND OUT) and you will soon have all you need. Let her lock it up again ...





Here is a thread that I made that will EASILY grant access to any user account on any windows machine (they will now you hacked into it unfortunately). You may want to do some more sleuthing and gather some more evidence. Put a voice activaed recorder under your wifes seat or in the dash of her car because after she finds out you hacked the computer she will be chatting to OM in her car when she feels she has privacy... along with placing VAR's in other presumed privacy locations she may use.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2586021#Post2586021

You could also try this password work around.

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2631416#Post2631416

Keep posting here ... you are in the BEST possible place you can be for a situation like this.

MNG

You need to expose to the BW ASAP. How old is your daughter?

Welcome to MB.

black raven, I'm kind of new so what is BW? My daughter is 7.

MrNiceGuy, I have proof and I sent a word doc attachment to her sisters. I also have a recording of her admitting to it after she got back. I told both her sisters about this and said I would let them listen if they wanted.

BW = Betrayed wife ( the OM's wife)

black raven I sent her a message on FB as well informing her of this PA. I have heard no response. I believe they are going through a D anyway.

But what about the rest of your, and her, family members?

Dude, you never know which one is going to make the difference that turns you situation around, so give as many folks as possible the chance to be that hero.

BTW, my story can be found by clicking the highlighted section in my note epilogue that says (unimaginatively) "My Story".

Fireboss, I would suggest a more strategic approach in order to make your exposure effective. Please go read my Exposure 101 thread ASAP and put together a plan. The affair needs to be exposed to the OM's wife, his parents, his facebook contacts, your family, your wife's family. Your child should be told too. This needs to be done NOW, because trickling this out as you have, waters down the effect of exposure.

The goal is to kill the affair and run the OM off. OM are abject cowards and will not like your interference. He will run if you cause him some trouble. Go copy and paste all of his fb contacts into a WORD doc and expose to them using the instructions in my exposure thread.

And yes, your wife will be furious. But the goal here is to save your marriage, not to avoid her anger at all cost. Keeping an affair secret is what will "blow up in your face." Affairs thrive on secrecy so keeping it a secret only serves to enable the affair. The longer it goes on, the more entrenched it becomes.

I would not trust that your message went through on FB. I have messaged non-friends before and later learned the message ended up in space. If OM is getting a D, check the online court records for his county. Do not believe such info if it came from your WW...she is a liar and OM may have lied to her about it too. There is a big difference between knowing and believing, so please verify a divorce petition has been filed.

Here is the link for Maricopa:
http://www.superiorcourt.maricopa.gov/docket/FamilyCourtCases/caseSearch.asp

All counties usually have such online records. Have you looked for a phone number for BW? It is crucial that you contact her. What about exposure to your family and her family beyond the sisters?