I have a four year old and he knows mommy hurt daddy by lying and talking to POSOM. That mommies and daddies are supposed to love each other and be together and not do things that hurt one another.

On Dday1, my children were 8 and 6. I did not know of MB at the time but I exposed to them because I told my WH to leave...so I had to explain why he was leaving. I told them, he liked (loved?) another woman and you aren't supposed to date people when you are married. I did use the words affair, adultery and sex in my conversations with them. It went as well as could be expected I guess. Not exactly a a pleasant conversation but I kept it on a level I knew they could understand and also kept it in the context of morals, religion and how you should treat people.

Two yrs later, Dday2 (another OW)...yeah me...was basically a repeat but adjusted to their age. Each time I identified who OW was. You don't have to go into gory detail but you shouldn't sugarcoat it so that the message gets lost either.

fireboss, if you don't tell your child the TRUTH, your WW will tell him LIES, I assure you. By telling him the truth and giving him guidance, you protect him somewhat from your wayward wife. You also eliminate the moral confusion caused by your WW. She WILL drag him into her affair if allowed.

Should post the link about what kids learn affairs. I would but I'm a noob to this and using my phone at the moment.

You'll also want to reassure DD that you love her, nothing is her fault, that it's ok to still love her mom, if she has questions she can come to you, etc. She will need that reassurance from you.

Here it is.
Infidelity: The Lessons Children Learn

Here is a radio episode in which Dr Harley explains exposure to children:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03694

Part 2: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio_program/play_segment.cfm?sid=03695

You tell your son that married people do not have BF/GF and go on dates. Mom has a BF, his name is (insert OM name) and is going out on dates with him. Doing what mom is called an affair and cheating.

Have you spoken with your child and fully exposed this affair?

What's going on?
Did you expose to everyone, including your child?

For anyone that has been following me on this ride since I have joined MB. I sent out a lot of emails to friends and family of my W and OM. Also tried calling a number I thought may belong to Om or his family w/o success to at this point. I also exposed my W lie to my 7 y/o D over the weekend, yesterday to be exact. I don't know if it's all kids but she took it surprisingly she took it really well and asked a bunch of questions, and I answered as honestly for her age as possible. What I didn't expect was her to call my W out on it the very same day and with me in the house.

They were upstairs baking cookies and I was down stairs watching football. I hear my D say mom dad told me you weren't truthful about *&*&*& being just your friend. Then W says WHAT! long pause.... what else did dad say? That you and *&*&*& are more than just friends that you are in a relationship. Then says mom you know that's wrong, you are married to dad. Then my W proceeds to tell her that she is unhappy blah blah blah.... My D says but mom you know it's wrong and I don't want another dad.

Then they both leave for a few hours, my W not saying anything to me, and I didn't let on that I over heard their conversation. So after my D goes to bed, I get the we need to talk! So we go downstairs and she proceeds to tell me that what I did was unacceptable and she should have been the one to tell her. So I started out with just saying why are you mad, are you mad because she knows or are you mad because I told her the truth? I went on to say, half truths and little white lies are why we are in our current state. She then goes on to blame me, and says she can't stand to look at me. I then start to get loud after she tells me that I'm ruining our agreement, and goes back to how I betrayed her by getting a new cell phone without talking to her. So in a loud voice I said, I want you to take all of what you are saying, carry it up stairs with you, stand in front of the mirror and say exactly what you are saying to me in the mirror! I said I own the things I've not done right in our relationship, but a cell phone is not what is going to "ruin this". You deciding not to let me as your partner help you when you needed help is what ruined us! You making the conscious decision to have an E/A P/A is what ruined our family! She then interrupts w/ more blame..... I said, I accept what I can and need to do better, but as long as you blame me for everything, you can never fix yourself! Then I get the are you going to move back out? I laughed and said you made the decision to leave this family mentally and be 1800 miles away months ago, so you can literally move yourself out. She says, well I'm going to have to stay w/ my mom and take our D with me. I said, if you feel like that is what's best for you and our D go ahead, but I'm not leaving or walking away from my family! She then just stood and stared at me with tears in her eyes, and i starred back stone faced. Then she walked away.

I probably should have kept my cool but, getting to say that was a long time coming!

Now any thoughts on my lengthy dissertation? How I handled it, what to do next ect.?

Do not let her take your DD7 with her. If she wants to leave, she can leave but you will not be leaving and she will not be taking your DD7.

Good job on exposing and telling your DD the truth. Who did you expose to on OM's side?

Do not argue with her, be a broken record. "I will do whatever it takes to save my M"

How is your Plan A?

She says, well I'm going to have to stay w/ my mom and take our D with me. I said,

"Move out if you want, but D stays here in our home. Your leaving will be another way of telling her exactly how far you are willing to go to destroy our family!"

Got it?

BTW: Nice job on the exposure to D. That seems really to have struck a nerve!

NG, Keeping my D won't be realistic. I am gone for 24 hrs every 3rd day (firefighter) and I teach college classes 3 nights a week.

BrainHurts, I still need to work on my plan A. I'm still a little disorganized I guess. I also exposed the OM to everyone on his FB friends list. Now that I have vented my feelings, I'm going to try my hardest to take the "high road" and just say I'm sorry you feel that way or I can appreciate your feelings on the matter. Things like that. The part that really irks me, is she was nice to me this morning as I was getting ready for work. So I expect to get home and all my clothes to be thrown away

I am gone for 24 hrs every 3rd day (firefighter) and I teach college classes 3 nights a week.

I would disagree with your priorities, but I accept that I don't know everything about your situation.

Is WW employed outside of your home? If so, it would seem that her threat to move back to mommy would impact her job quite a bit. If not, you then play the "cut off all resources" card. She leaves with the clothes on her back, in a taxi (not in your vehicle). Either way, you also hit her with the "facilitated truancy" gambit if D's attendance at school is impacted.

All of this "stick" is carefully balanced by high dosages of "carrot" as Plan A continues to be applied.

I have asked my employer to be moved to M-F 8 hour days while I get through this, and I was told no. I have been a paid FF for 13 years, been doing it longer than I've known my W. She does work and the commute of moving back to mommies will be about an hour w/o traffic. There is always traffic!

fireboss, I would not allow her to take your DD without a court order and an ARMED sheriff with a HUGE gun. Don't let her drag your DD into her affair. A judge is unlikely to allow her to take your DD away like that. You need to think about how you can take care of your DD and maintain your job, even if it means giving up your class teaching. If she throws your clothes away, I would all the police and file a police report.

And secondly, if you want to kill this affair, then get ahold of the OM's wife and his mother. Don't let up until you do that!!

You did a SUPER JOB in exposing to your daughter!! Bless her little heart for standing up for herself!

MelodyLane, I agree with the giving up the teaching. I have talked to my provost about my situation, and he has 2 people lined up to fill in for me if/when I need it.

Last week I scheduled a consultation with an attorney for tomorrow. So I will see what she recommends as to how to handle the matter with our D. I want those ducks in a row for sure.

Another question I have. How or what have people done to fill the void you have once you find out and expose your WAS? Up until now it was just marital problems with the thought you would get through it. But now you realize they've had someone else and you've had no one this whole time?

Who did you expose to on OM's side?

What family of his?