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I was here 8 years ago after my husband had an affair and walked out on me while i was pregnant. We rebuilt out marriage and had another baby but things have not been good for a while. He shuts me out and i shut down. We have zero communication. So tonight he told me he wants to separate. He has agreed to to see a therapist but doesnt see any hope. I am tired if being treated this way but the thought of tearing apart my kids life breaks my heart. I can't imagine not being there with them every morning and every night.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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I was here 8 years ago after my husband had an affair and walked out on me while i was pregnant. We rebuilt out marriage and had another baby but things have not been good for a while. He shuts me out and i shut down. We have zero communication. So tonight he told me he wants to separate. He has agreed to to see a therapist but doesnt see any hope. I am tired if being treated this way but the thought of tearing apart my kids life breaks my heart. I can't imagine not being there with them every morning and every night. Welcome back. Do you remember your old posting name? Did you ever use the MB program?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2013
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It was kloe but I couldn't remember my password and I have a different email account. I used MB while we were separated but we saw a counselor after we reconciled. Our main problem is we have no communication skills.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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It was kloe but I couldn't remember my password and I have a different email account. I used MB while we were separated but we saw a counselor after we reconciled. Our main problem is we have no communication skills. Is this you? kloe72's thread
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,481 Likes: 6
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Have you ever tried the MB online course?
How many hours of UA time are you getting?
Do you practice POJA or PORH?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 15
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That's me, although I don't think I could go back and read that thread. I'm so scared to fall back in to that deep depression again.
Never did the online course.
Neither of us have been happy for a long time, I just choose to bury my head in the sand and hoped things would magically get better. So tonights conversation was not a surprise. It doesn't help that I have flu and was already feeling horrible. I was calm and listened to him, didn't beg or anything like that but I did beak down when talking about the kids.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Why does he want to leave the marriage? Is he having another affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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We get no UA time. He has completely shut me out. He hasn't spoken to me in months about anything of substance.
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I don't think he is having an affair. He confessed last time and he said that he wasn't doing that again. He said he is just so unhappy, honestly we both are.
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I don't think he is having an affair. He confessed last time and he said that he wasn't doing that again. He said he is just so unhappy, honestly we both are. Have you investigated to see if he is having an affair?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I don't think he is having an affair. He confessed last time and he said that he wasn't doing that again. He said he is just so unhappy, honestly we both are. What is making him unhappy? And typically, people who are having affairs don't confess. That is very rare.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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My radar for an affair is of course up, but none of the signs from last time are there. His normal course of action is to run when things get bad. I'm sure that is why I avoided talking to him when we started to drift apart. It's always a possibility...
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What is making him unhappy, good question. I know why I am unhappy but that is a question I need to ask him. While not surprised by tonights conversation, I still was not prepared and could hardly think of anything to say.
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Has he told you why he wants to leave? Do you fight?
Would he come here and speak to us and let us help turn this around?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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He just said he was miserable. No we never fight, we never communicate about anything.
He would never come here. He called his employee assistance line at work because he was so unhappy and saw a therapist last week, he agreed to go together next week.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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Would he fill out that questionnaire to help you understand why he is unhappy?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Most likely not, he's not going to do anything from a website. In his mind he is done, he's talked to his sister, friend, therapist...everyone but me.
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Why aren't you snooping for an affair?
Rational people don't leave marriages for no reason and without explanation.
His attitude screams affair.
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
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I know the more I think about it that makes sense. And if thats the case I think I'm done. I'm so tired of being treated like this. I deserve someone who doesnt get tired of me every few years and throw away our family.
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