I'm not sure where to start. I have been married for 16 years. We have 3 children 12, 9 and 7. I'm a SAHM, I usually volunteer alot of my time in the military setting. He has been in the military for 18.5yrs. I don't know all the abbreviations yet. I came to this site because 1.50yrs ago I had an affair and it lasted 5 weeks. I had always promised myself I wasn't that girl and couldn't stand that girl. I had passes made at me, but I was good at dismissing them and telling them people to move on. My husband went TDY and our best friends husband started coming around. He was always kinda flirty. I blew it off because that was him and then when he hit me with I have been into for 2 years and he pursued me. I pushed him away. I was literally freaked out. Not until about 2 weeks later did he break me. As I would like to call it he found a common demoninator between us and ran with it. He was really good at manipulating because this wasn't his first rodeo. He then would play me and husband against each other. At about 3 week mark we then had an affair going and all the love crap came out. I was ashamed I didn't tell anyone what I did. I just told friends that he had made advances they said run the other way. It was too late at that point. I was in that bubble that I hated. I got a lawyer and started the papers for a divorce, told my husband that I can't do it anymore. I left on a plane back to the mainland. I just needed off the island it was a reminder of what the hell I just did.

My husband and I in the beginning of our marriage had a problem. He would have online affairs. I would find letters and one girl while he deployed he would chat with for about 2 years that one went on. I read my wife is fat, ugly, unattractve and I'm only with her for the baby. I was pregnant with my first child. It devistated me. I got our families involved. He cried and begged that it would never ever happen again. He would delete his email accts. The whole deal. Then a year later while TDY I found another college girl he was talking to and I would call his hotel. Now did I say this girl was in the same city he was TDY. It was so easy and he is pretty good at computers. So he would hide everything. Then there have been a few short online affairs with, but nonetheless they were taking away from my family life. He would ignore me and the kids, stay on computer all hours of the night, porn galore...I was disgusted by it. Even his counselor said imagine that being your daughter and these men are sitting behine a screen fantasizing about her. He just had no time for us there was always something else that caught his fancy. My husband then started talking to females online and he would frequent strip clubs where it wasn't a normal one. They have contact. So stuff happened.
Now after my affair we were trying to work on the marriage, but he would never let me breathe. He sent me all the Dr. Haleys stuff, call me names, make me feel so low I didn't want to get out of bed. Now mind you this was the only indiscretion Ive had. I couldnt take it anymore we agreed to a seperation for 4 months, so I went home and the kids got in school. I was struggling at first, freak out more and I told him. I said as soon as I get the kids settled we can work on the marriage and start this over. He never told me different. Well low and behold he has two more physical affairs while I'm gone. He had been filing for divorce and talking to a lawyer. Now the whole time I"m gone he is writing me love letters and telling me he will wait forever. I have no idea about anything. He told his family he is happy with the chic and she is his soulmate. He doesn't want me. He brought them chic's in my house. We live on a military installation, so our neighbors see girls sitting on our lawn, coming and going in our house. He had one girl he met bring her kids 2 hrs down and stay a weekend in our home. He met them online and the first night they meet, sex was involved with no protection at all.
This is the best part he told one 10hrs later he was in love with her and they were soulmates. He knew her 10 days when I found out about her and went freaking ballistic. The other affair was 6 days (the one introducing kids after you meet someone two days)..The most messed up part. When he would go to work he left these people in my house after knowing them one day while he worked a 8hr shift. He didnt know them from the bum on the street.
I'm just having a hard time. I don't know what to believe anymore. I feel like he just tells me one thing and believe another. He is getting better, but I'm always waiting for the boom. The trust and my self-esttem is gone..I feel so sad and I have always been a go getter. I dont want to get anything now.

So, as I understand the kernels of this rather lengthy note:

Your husband has never been exclusive to you.
You and your husband are currently apart.
He initiated divorce proceedings.
He is serially shacking up with other women.
He says he loves you.

Well, this is fairly easy to unravel. He doesn't love you. He's lying.

So, taking that out of your story, you're left with:

Your husband has never been exclusive to you.
You and your husband are currently apart.
He initiated divorce proceedings.
He is serially shacking up with other women.

What would you THINK should be done with this situation?

I'm actually back at home. We started counseling. I just dont know what to believe anymore. He says he didn't love them. He was in a fog. He knows the lingo and all the Dr.Harvey scripts.

Are any of these OW married?

Have you read this?
Start Here first- Welcome Aboard

Yes one is separated from her husband and the other is divorced. He met the two latest on zoosk.com.
I have read alittle bit. My thoughts are allover right now.

Do you want to save your Marriage?

You need to expose this, especially to the separated BH and your children.

Please read and come back and tell us your plan to expose.
Exposure 101
You need a Plan and follow that plan and it will help you with your thoughts.

Do any of these OW have Facebook?

I'm trying to save the marriage. Don't get me wrong he's trying, but there was so many different girls at different times. It's hard for me to believe what is real anymore or if he is telling any truth.
I have exposed all of them and told family. His work knows because one of the girls called crimestoppers. LOL Because I told her via email not to contact the H anymore that were working on our marriage. Well let's say she was pissed. I never threatened her or anything. I guess she thought I was going to waste my gas and drive 45 mins one way for her..Don't know.

Have you exposed these affairs to the military?
There is a link in the Exposure 101 thread to the military.

Affairs are a way of life for him and he is terribly cruel to you and his family by engaging in them.
This is not normal behavior in a marriage and it takes 2 dedicated people to have a marriage. You can't change his behaviors.

I suggest you consider separating from him.

Thanks..I can't find the Exposure 101 for military..Can you post the link?

Here it's on page 3 of the Exposure 101 thread that I posted to you.

Thank you so much.

Thanks for the link. The military can't help it has to be within a certain amount of time and mine is expired.
So we're going to a counselor and then he is seeing a counselor himself for a compulsive disorders.
I think its helping I still have so much doubt and not trusting him, because we have been down this path. I forgive him and go about our daily life and then he slips up. It always starts the same way porn, IM'ing and then meeting. So you would think he would not watch porn again, but he says all men do it. I said I know me who don't "They're lying", all men check out women and fantasize about them.
I'm just in that no self esteem funk and don't know how to get my ace out of it.
I love him and I have been standing beside him for 16 years through all it. I'm not perfect, but I make a mistake and don't repeat because then its a chose.

Are you saying you can't expose to the military because too much time has passed?

What EPs has he put in place?

Since porn is an issue he should not have access to it. it So if he watches it on his phone then you buy a phone that doesn't have internet. If he watches it on the computer then he can't have internet.

Take away the conditions that allowed the affair.

Well you have to expose the military with in 60 or 90 days I think is what I read.

I'm still learning the language. What is an EP?

Well the counselor said if you have the urge, then to talk to me first. So I thought that was the plan, then I find for 2 months he has been watching soft porn. He says its no the same and staying up late. I told him if your getting yourself then that is an issue with me.

Please consider this:
Dr Harley has counseled 50,000 patients and is a national expert.
The counselor you are visiting may not be qualified in recovering from an affair.

According to Dr Harley, if you do not follow the program he developed then your marriage will not recover.

WELL hubby found my posts and he is so upset cause obviously you guys think he cheated the whole 16 years, so let me clear it up for his poor sake. He cheated the first 5 years and over the next 9-10 years it was only porn and forums. Now technically he didn't have a physical affair he didn't have inappropriate conversations and he put my whole life on the forums. Then found out he was hitting up strip clubs while TDY and then we separated he was messing with strippers and then the physical affairs. So just to make him feel better. That 10 years with no physical he still managed to say he had feelings for his first girlfriend and that she is the women of his dreams. Whew now that its clear.
I'm just in the bad trust place. I feel like when he speaks its the wind cause I've heard the promises, swearing and will never. So I know time is key. So we will see.

Do you like living like this?
If your husband wants to defend his actions he can start his own thread.

Do you want to spend the rest of your life in a relationship like this?
If you would like to have a loving romantic marriage where both of your needs are met then you need to follow the recovery plan in Surviving an Affair.

The first step is exposure.