STBS, the affair is over. I must say that I feel some sort of wicked pleasure at this recent revelation, though I was really not supposed to have that information as per the plan B rules. The way I understand it part of plan B is supposed to be protecting your love bank so that if the WS does eventually come to their senses, you would still be willing to give them a chance. From experience the limited contact that I have had with my WH during plan B, have all been LB withdrawals. It's easy to see why BS move into plan D after a while, but with plan B in effect it is not so bad. Plan D is not in effect for me yet. My WH is wanting reconciliation, but he hasn't met my plan B conditions yet, so I'm holding firm for now.

Your plans for pampering yourself this weekend sound great Hope you go through with them!

I guess I just lost all hope this time.

I have heard so many excuses and promises. Every single time.. I also end up hearing "you are so patient to be dealing with this"... dealing with what? I thought you broke up.. we did, it's complicated, we still speak.

He never said I love you to me.

He never held my hand.

He never kissed me except a peck.

We never had actual sex, though he would "pleasure" me if was necessary (notice the word NECESSARY). ANd if I reciprocated he said, no please you don't have to, only if you really want to.

Then when I asked if the reason he was not sleeping with, not spending time with me, not kissing me, not telling me he loved me was because he was giving HER those things. Because he was being good... I expected something about building us back up... his response was anger. And the exact words he said to me were "what I do with someone else or what I say to them about how I feel about them are none of YOUR business".

That was the beginning of the end for me. I then started paying more attention to how he was "trying" to see how it was going and realized that unless he was bringing something to me, I never saw him and the times I did it was for 10 minutes or less. Yes, we spoke alot during the day but it was very impersonal. ANd more like checking to keep ME in line and not something to make me feel safe. Most of the time he had called her right before or right after me. And if I asked how "we" were doing so far he'd get a tone of the poor put upon confused man and said "I don't know what I want, I need time and someday I will know but not right now". Then he said we will talk soon, we will talk on this day.. that day would come and go and he wouldn't call me at all the entire day. If I asked why he'd say he forgot. Then he'd say he promised we would talk the next day. Then he would "fall asleep" at 5pm and supposedly splept til morning. And by then didn't really "feel" like it. This went on until he began getting mad at me for losing my patience. He made me the bad guy again and this time I KNOW I did nothing wrong. I just had to go.

I can't see anyway back now. He will not change. Even if he left her tomorrow... by Monday they'd be back on. Even if he writes her the NC letter, he would be calling/texting her not to listen that I made him do it. Even if he moved back in, in a month he'd be gone again. He doesn't want me but he doesn't want to lose me either.

She's trash. I don't like talking bad about people but she is. And if he wasn't all foggy I probably would have given up sooner, I just KNOW he will see her someday and is cake eating right now... but I don't think that will come soon.

I truly believe he wanted out and is using this "affair" as an excuse now. I think the day the divorce is final he will break up with her and find someone else.

Or me and the POSOW woman will find out we've BOTH been getting played and we were BOTH his cover for the THIRD woman he is going to leave us BOTH for.

LOL... he is not a pig or a dog... but this just isn't him. And he is not going to back off. He does not lose. He is not seeing that staying married is a win, he took a stand when he left and made his choice... if he backs out now he's going to look stupid. He won't look stupid. He'd rather be unhappy than ever admit he was wrong.

My WH will never meet the conditions. I don't even think he would entertain doing them. I also don't think he will come to this site. He knows what he's doing even though no one else thinks so. LOL.. yep, he does. He's ending our marriage.

Look, your having a bad day. Understandable but you ignored the question that was asked. What are YOU doing for YOU?! Plan B is supposed to make you feel good aka pamper yourself. Heal. Oh and come here to vent if needed but make yourself and your family priority don't fixate on POSOW and the dirt bag.

I did have a bad day yesterday. And I did spend way too much time in my head on this. But I notice the more time goes by the less I even think about him.

This morning I woke up with one of the clearest thoughts ever... So what. So what if this that or the other "might" have worked out... the bottom line is... no matter how great I am or how well we got along proving we "could" make this work... he always found some lame old excuse that it wouldn't as soon as he began talking to her again... by my guesstimates, he can't go a week without giving in and taking her call or contacting her. That is never going to change. Since he did not put up a fight about me not in contact and hasn't tried... and it's been OVER a week... There is my answer.

Plan D is all there is now. Sad. But I do need this time now to get my head around that.

Since he did not put up a fight about me not in contact and hasn't tried... and it's been OVER a week... There is my answer.

Make that concept a touchstone of your actions going forward, STBS. You deserve better than a life being his second choice.

It also doesn't help me any with him being in contact that she's manipulative and deceitful (imagine a POSOW being manipulative and deceitful, some WS must be rolling their eyes at me that I think so negatively lol) but since she's that way and I know she's already lied to get him to stop speaking to me and did before and will again and that he falls for it everytime... I just get sick. Who is that man in what looks like my stbxh body?

But he will never see her as the issue. Every argument we had over the past 3 months had to do with her and contact and lying... but he blames ME. I am the issue. I have problems. I don't let things go.

YOu can't let go of something that is constantly in your face ruining your marriage that has been invited in and never asked to leave and whos opinion is highly valued.

and who's opinion is really just meant to sabotage and not help.

Because they met by talking about "us" (the spouses) and venting, he still goes to her for advice I am sure and he still thinks she is not out for herself now.

I woke up not feeling well today, think I caught one of the many colds going around at work... Have my cuddly kitty on my lap right now enjoying the love... and my playful kitting at my side... My remote in one hand, a cup of coffee in the other... some Nyquil and takeout menus... I am good for the weekend lol.. RINGERS OFF. I don't want to talk to anyone today.

I will bubble bath it later and have a piece of cake too. lol... downloaded trashy VC Andrews books I read in my teens to my Nook and plan to just go back in time to when I first read those books... and remember who I was and how far I've come and how far I still have to go...

Plus I don't care who you are... any VC Andrews main characters life just has to make you feel better that your life isn't as bad as theirs lololol... I watch Jerry Springer for that reason too... My life looks so much better in comparison haha...

Have a great weekend everyone... I am sure I will be back to spill the contents of my head again before it's over...

I want to tell you all how much I appreciate the support here.

It's better to spill the contents here.

I used to read VC Andrews. Loved those books!


Btw, I'll be in nyc on the 26th. My SIL and I are going to see "Newsies". I'm so excited!

I am meeting a friend in the west village that day...

My god-daughter looooves Newsies... it was her favorite movie.

Thanks RQ... I used to over text... that never was going to work haha... but I was not thinking. This is better.

I am beginning to feel sane for the first time in over a year.

Glad to hear it!

No contact can restore normality and sanity.
My thinking Is much clearer and yours will get better too!

Hey, StheBS, How are you doing?

Hoping you are staying dark and getting your sanity back.

Update when you can, OK?

Girl, it's been a month. How have you been?

Glad to see you back on the boards. Stop disappearing. It makes us wonder "whatever happened to...." Lol

How is your plan b going?

~RQ

It took a few restarts... I was getting physically ill, it's why I disappeared. I had the flu, then pneumonia.. In late Jan he gave me the speech again where he isn't sure he loves me like a wife but he loves me and how couples cant come through this. Of course I cried. But then I got sick which I guess was a blessing in a way, I was unreachable. I went back to work didn't hear from him but didn't reach out either. and then a few weeks later came down with pneumonia, when he contacted me to say he'd been thinking... and I listened. DUH. And now he's confused again... LOL... so I am back in Plan B, stronger this time. I even turned off the cell phone we used to communicate through back in March. I want to save my marriage, I truly believe he is still in a fog. Last I heard he will begin some IC and visit family down south to get away and "think"... but I am focusing on me. Hard to do. And for the first time I think I am really accepting he might never come out of the fog enough and I really do need to get out of my own fog... I am planning weekends. Last year at this time I was still devastated.. but next weekend I am seeing a friend... the weekend after that my sister is visiting me and the weekend after that I have a communion. I have looked into some spiritual groups and also some meet up groups to keep myself busy. Its spring and I will not dwell on this... so that by the next time hibernation season comes (lol), I will be over the worst of this... I don't want a divorce. I will not sign anything until I am certain.