My husband had an affair on Dec. 21st and confessed to me. He moved back home yesterday but now I fear this other woman whom he works with will drop a bomb on him Jan. 21st that she's pregnant. Neither or them used protection. I'm normally a person who looks at the glass as half full but over the past 4 months, whatever could go wrong, did go wrong. I'm emotionally a wreck and don't know how to deal with this. How has others handled with this?

Does he still work with the woman?

How long have you been married? Do you have children?

We've been together for 18 years and married for 16 years. 2 kids. He still has to interact with her in meetings but claims it's over and told me that it was a fantasy thing, not a reality thing. He feels like a fool to going down that pathway. He wasn't thinking when he/she did it. I think there was some type of excitement with the fact that she's from South America.

If he is still seeing her there is still contact, and this affair could (if it hasn't already) restart at any time. Your husband must quit his job and not have contact with OW anymore, at all.

Ok, this means the affair is still on. You obviously can't ever save your marriage until he ends all contact. He has to leave that job.

Have you exposed the affair to everyone including your children? Is the OW married and if so, have you exposed to her husband? Have you exposed to the Human Resource department at work?

You need to expose this at his job.

Also I would notify the MODS to have your thread moved to SAA until it's known whether an OC is for sure.

Please read.
Start Here first- Welcome Aboard

Can the alcoholic sober up if he goes in the bar every day and just changes the name of his drinks to "business drinks?" That is all that has happened here. Your husband goes to work every day and gets drunk on his affair.

If the OW is not pregnant YET, she will get pregnant in the future because he goes to work every day and sees her. What are you thinking, Madam??

We will tell you how to deal with this so you can save your marriage.

1. expose the affair wide and far - to your children, parents, family, friends, the OW's family and to the HR Director and a key VP at their workplace - read the thread in my signature

2. DEMAND that your husband end his affair immediately and leave that job

3. if that hoe is pregnant, we will help you take steps to protect yourself

Next work on affair proofing your marriage so this never happens again. That means no more travel without each other, no opposite sex friendships, creating a transparent - AFFAIR PROOF - lifestyle.

The next step is to create a romantic, passionate, integrated marriage.

THAT is how you recover from an affair. That is the only way to recover.

My kids are too young to be told. My parents and his parents know about this because we met with them on Christmas Eve and he confessed to them in front of me. One of the Mgr's at his work is aware of this because I told him. He is being watched at work.

Did you read any of the threads I posted to you?

How old are your kids?

There are 4 year olds who have had it explained to them. If they're that much and up they can be told.

Are they over age 4? Any children over age 4 should be told.


That is good. But this needs to be exposed at the workplace and to the OW's husband. This is a married woman who is sleeping with your husband.


This means nothing. As long as he still works there the affair is active. Your marriage will never recover as long as he is there.

Like I said before, if he has not impregnated her before, he will in the future since he sees her EVERY DAY. He has all day to get her pregnant at work.

How long has the affair been going on?

Have you personally spoken to her husband?

My children were told when they were 3 and 4.

I followed the advice of Dr Harley and exposed the affair to my 5 yr old child

You handle your emotionality by making the DECISION to become a warrior, a woman who will put up a fight for her home/family/marriage.

If you are too depressed to fight, you must seek help from your physician.

You mentioned fear of OW pregnancy because they did not use condoms. Adulterers almost never use condoms. Don't ask why. They are stupid and careless in the first place, so they are also stupid and careless when it comes to protection.

You need to go to your physician. Tell him/her about WH's adultery, ask for STD testing and something to treat your anxiety/depression.

A huge part of PLAN A is self care. You will not have the strength to manage Plan A if you neglect self care.

In my sig line at the bottom of every post are 3 links. Click to link that says "carrot/stick". Start reading that description of Plan A.

Once you start TAKING action, you will feel stronger, not weaker.

WELCOME TO MARRIAGE BUILDERS

TLP

While others have suggested your first step is to expose the affair, I get the sense that you need to fortify yourself before you embark on much else. Am I incorrect? Is your energy level pretty good? Or, are you so dog-tired you cannot think straight?

You are going to need every ounce of strength you can muster and you are also going to need a clear mind allowing you to think on your feet and be in control of your self.

Where are you in this matter?

How are you doing today?

How are sleeping, eating?

We want to help.

They started flirting in the work force back in late September. She was gone for the month of November home to Venezuela while he was home with me. Then on Dec. 21st, the slept together for the first time/only time.

She apparently is a very good job at the work but I'm having a hard time finding out who she is and what exactly is her name. This woman is apparently separated or divorced with sole custody of her two kids.

Not sure what you mean by "fortify myself." I'm trying to find-out who this lady is and warn her to stay away from my husband, etc., or else I'll expose her to HR at work. I think I'm thinking clearly but I'm obsessed with knowing more about her and knowing if she is trying to hold onto my husband via texting,etc. I would like to give my husband the benefit of the doubt that he has ended it...he has been in a great mood with me and the kids since he told me he ended it...not showing any signs of depression or stressed. Hopefully that answers your question.