|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453
Member
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453 |
So happy for you Caracel and the life you are creating! You're definitely an inspiration!
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
The driveway and BBQ area are concreted, the power is connected. I have lights!!! I actually did a little dance around the house when I first turned the light on. The stone benchtops have arrived... oooooh! Carpet is to be installed Monday. Painters and plumbers (still no basins or toilets) arrive Tuesday and Wednesday. Cleaners booked for Thursday.  Fingers crossed all keeps going to plan and I am in by Christmas. I was strolling past a bed shop and by chance saw a 40% off closing down sale... popped in and now own a beautiful bedroom suite waiting to be delivered. New house, need a new bed 
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
Oh Cara how exciting  It would be fantastic to be "home" for Christmas. What type of stone benchtop did you choose. Agreed you need a new bedroom suite for a new house 
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
What type of stone benchtop did you choose. Agreed you need a new bedroom suite for a new house Especially since the bed I am currently sleeping in has a LOT of specific Gollum memories. No way am I putting it in my new home. I really think of this as a fresh start, Gollum free  .
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
Nice choices.
Good idea a fresh start and new memories.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
The divorce was final two days ago.
I feel relieved... and some sort of sadness. Sort of disappointed that Gollum could not be the man I want. Doubts that I fought hard enough, even though I look back on the mess I became, and the strength it took to survive, with horror.
No tears on my part. Not what I ever expected divorce to be. But my sleep has been disturbed again... a telltale sign my mind is processing.
The property settlement continues. I am unsure if I want to continue with it, but something, somewhere, keeps driving me on. I look forward to it being over, and there being absolutely no contact with Gollum. Gollum keeps using the legal route to try to get my approval / seek sympathy / run from all responsibilities.
After D Day, I never thought my life could be where it is now. I am building a home, yesterday I bought a car, I have a good job, and wonderful family and friends. I still have much work and healing... I am hesitant about another relationship, and want to build on my social life. But the progress I have made... WOW. Thank you MB, and to all MB'ers who have helped me on my journey.
Maybe I'll move over to the divorce thread soon.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 1,820 |
carcal,
glad to hear you are doing well and life for you is more exciting and comfortable.
none of us know where life will lead us, your job now is to keep an open mind and enjoying what the world has to offer.
your house sounds wonderful, you will love the ceasarstone, i used it as well in my bathroom reno's beautiful product.
i used the pure white.
keep on smiling and always remain grateful for what you do have and those closest to you.
jessi
BW 56
WH 57
Married 25 years, live together for 2, dated 2 years before that.....
DS 23, DS 25
D-Day Nov 23/09
NC Mar 1/10
Working on Recovery
Grateful for finding Marriage Builders
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,469 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,469 Likes: 4 |
Cara, 
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2009
Posts: 8,240 |
Cara, One from me too.
BW(Me)aka Scotty:37 DSx2: 10,12 DDAY2(PA)Nov27/09 Plan B Dec18/09 Personal R in works Scotty's THING  Newly Betrayed click herePraying for walls and doors. Thanx MM “Surviving is important. Thriving is elegant.” ? Maya Angelou PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION THANK YOU
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
Come on over to the Divorce thread!
It's an exclusive club, you have to have Divorce papers to join.
I was divorced a few months ago, it is a final chapter for sure when the judge has the final word.
Are you going to Plan B in divorce? It should be easy Plan B without kids.
SEriously come on over....I spend less time in SAA forum because it is like a huge trigger and its nice to read Divorce thread with people moving on.
There are also Divorce Care groups in some churches you may find of value.
Out of curiosity, how did you name ex husband Gollum?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
Cara You are a success story. You have made amazing progress on your journey and can be proud of what you have achieved. I understand how you feel about entering another relationship (I still can't imagine being in a relationship with anyone other than my H) You have made wise decisions and are allowing yourself time to heal. You have learned so much from MB. When you are ready for a relationship that knowledge will enable you to have a happy healthy relationship. Your future looks bright.
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
Thanks all. Especially for the hugs.
jessi, its good to hear from you. I remember following your posts and soaking it up in my early days here. I hope all is well for you.
Jedi, Gollum came from a suggestion on my thread. It just fit.
I picked up my car today. Another step.
I am facing my first bit of interest from a man as a single woman, someone I went to school with... he does not meet my MB bar though. As soon as I heard several statements, I ruled him out as a prospective date... I don't think I am being harsh, just wise. One of the statements sounded way too wayward!!!
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
What was it? I hear those statements all the time too...
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Sep 2011
Posts: 453 |
Very happy for you, Caracel! I think you should stay here...because it is your survival of this horrific experience that makes you such an inspiration to us all
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
What was it? I hear those statements all the time too... Something along the lines of the last woman he was really into was MARRIED, but it wouldn't have worked anyway  Does it top those you have heard Indie? I worry about how many waywards there are, and is it just me?
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: May 2011
Posts: 1,428 |
Very happy for you, Caracel! I think you should stay here...because it is your survival of this horrific experience that makes you such an inspiration to us all Thanks Jen. I think I'll be here for a while as I process. I hope my thread shows personal recovery is just as worthwhile, even if it is not always first choice.
Me (BW): 35
Married 1999 with no kids, DDay July 2011, OC born September 2012, Divorce final November 2012.
WXH (Gollum) is corrupted by his A, and now forever bound to it.
Plan B has set me free.
"Mourn the man he was. Know the man he is."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 11,650 |
What was it? I hear those statements all the time too... Something along the lines of the last woman he was really into was MARRIED, but it wouldn't have worked anyway Does it top those you have heard Indie? I worry about how many waywards there are, and is it just me? Well that's as top as it gets, really. My best was: "my female friends are really helping me through my separation. They make me less anxious about working it out with my wife" And its not just you
What would you do if you were not afraid?
"Fear is the little death. Fear is the mind-killer" Frank Herbert.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 452 |
Caracal! Good luck on this new beginning, full of possibilities! You are truly an inspiration!
BS (me) 46
STBX WH 53
Married 2000
DS, 11; DS, 10
1st A: LT D-Day - 02/14/06
2nd A: D-Day - 12/21/11
Plan B since 1/17/12
Divorcing
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,447 |
Cara did you get the keys?
Me 46yrs
WH 46yrs "Isildur"
Married: 22yrs 8mths
DS 9yrs;DD 19yrs;DS 21yrs
Bomb drop:marriage not working don't know if ILY 12.11.11
DD:26.11.11
WH moves to OW house 28.11.11
Formal MB Plan A 14.4.12
Plan B 27.4.12
D:20.7.14
"There are moments in life that make us & set the course of who we become. Sometimes they're little & subtle,sometimes they're big & we never saw them coming. No one asks for their life to change, but it does. It's what we do afterwards that counts & we find out who we are."
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
hi cara! happy new year! have you started a new thread somewhere?
i have a very odd, OT, Q for you: is there something a petite young woman can do to earn good money in a mining town, other than the obvious?
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
3 members (Blackhawk, 2 invisible),
168
guests, and
103
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Children
by BrainHurts - 10/19/24 03:02 PM
|
|
|
Forums67
Topics133,616
Posts2,323,460
Members71,895
| |
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
|
|
|
|
