Please read.

Resentment Type A and Type B

I've been reading for the past month.
This is tough to tackle for sure. I have gotten another earful of rambling today. But he won't bring up the needs I wanted.

Thanks Brain for the info on resentment. I feel I have type A resentment.

In our case we run into problems even before I am able to convince that there is a problem and he needs to work on it.
If I keep getting the response that he doesn't think there is a problem from his perspective, I understand per Poja that I should drop the discussion, and should i be accepting the problem as it is and bring it up again another time?

I would appreciate steps I will need to take to not keeping this relation as a dysfunctioning one.

Did you ever snoop to rule out an affair?

It would be helpful if you could give a specific example of something you have tried to POJA. We will then try to help you with the steps.

LW,

Do you know if she ever snooped to rule out an affair?

I couldn't see that she had?

Wearld could you update us on this? It is critical that you know what is going on.

I'm not pojaing as there is still only yelling but noting that shows that he wants to resolve any situations. This is an example of what makes me give up after a month of hell.
Among his yelling yesterday and this morning, he mentioned that I am jealous and insecure of his family. If I bring up a single of my needs its going to be lost in more yelling or that its my fault. He is very strong willed and don't k ow how to make changes when I continue to hurt.

I am not good negotiated at all. And it's been a month since i made him aware of his actions and I feel very hurt. I don't know how to stop this.

He regularly clears out his browsing history and does not as such share passwords and has always had mine from since we started together. I posted on the investigation board for help on checking if a keylogger is already set up but did not get responses yet.

You need to install a keylogger. Do you need help with that?

Did you ever ask the person who may have installed a keylogger on your computer?

Here Keyloggers

Is he yelling at you all the time? Have you read this?
What to do with an Angry Husband

Have you checked his phone?

Thanks for the various key loggers. The reason I hesitated is because he is more knowledgeable in computer security than me. So I'm risking being found out. He maintains the antivirus on the computer. His phone has always been clean, main reason I didn't snoop.
I can ask him if he has one installed already once things get better.

He was repeating his lines but I had to scream to get him off my back. When telling him to stop he was not listening. I've stopped going to see if has the tv on while I'm in the bedroom.
I don't see an opportunity to Poja or add to the bank. How long do u think will take to fix this?

If he is cheating things are not going to get better. Do not ask him whether there is a keylogger installed on the computer already. Just follow the instructions on the link Brainy sent and install one. Test to make sure the anti virus does not pick it up by updating and running that afterwards. If it detects it, just tell it to ignore.

Also put a voice activated recorder in the car or where you think he might be making calls.

Do not tell him anything about the snooping, just do it.


This is a big mess



You aren't going to fix anything until you get going. Plan Hope has yet to fix a single marriage.

1. Start snooping
2. Stop lovebusting

I'm setting up WideStep Elite keylogger now. It mentioned something about avast anitiviris needing to be disabled. Hopefully this is a useful keylogger.

He is still camping on sofa. I've been eating lesser than usual and its been bothering him but looks like not enough to talk about problems. Should I not try to fix anything for now?

Still having trouble with this keylogger. I can't see anything after installing it. It's not clear how to open it.

Would you suggest I get counseling or wait before things are better?

see if YouTube has any videos on how to work your keylogger. I've been thinking about your viewpoint on snooping. My wife and i have each others passwords to most everything. This helps because, for example, i have 50 gigs of storage space on drop box. If my wife were to setup her own dropbox acct,.she'd only get a few megabytes. We share Google music and this is set up through my email, so she has my password to my email so she can log into Google music. I have her passwords because i tend to have to trouble shot and install stuff on her laptop. I don't go through her emails or texts or whatnot but I have the password if i wanted to and she can't care less if I do check. This itself because of openness is reassuring. I remember one time, a guy that was on my wife's Facebook friends sent her in my opinion an inappropriate message. I responded to him that he was never to connect my wife again or there would be serious issues. I told my wife that i didn't want her talking to him.

She immediately unfriended and blocked him and told me she found it flattering that I showed a hint of jealousy and that she admired me standing up like a man for his wife.

one last quick thing before I had out to meet some clients, my wife is very type A personality. I'm very laid back and easy going. Early in our relationship we almost broke up because she would yell and speak in a demeaning manner. Her family is this way...very blunt and if you get your feelings hurt, oh well. What worked for me was when she started into raising her voice. I would calmly tell her that I would not be yelled at or talked down to. Repeat it while remaining calm infinitely. If necessary, tell him "if you cannot keep from raising your voice, will you please leave? If you won't, then I will."

Usually opening a keylogger requires a combination of keystrokes and then a password. The programme is deliberately hidden. Take a look at the instructions that came with it or ask on the forum.



Counseling with the Harleys is wonderful but will your husband agree to that?

If I go for counseling I'll have to go on my own. Will that be useful? As you said living_well, this is a mess, this is how it is when he refuses something I want. I think I have forgotten how to add anything to the bank.
Saying I will leave doesn't do any good because I don't have anything to back it or elsewhere to get support.

My 'what a mess' comment referred to you saying you were screaming at him. Angry outbursts are a massive lovebuster. No amount of meeting each others emotional needs is going to work whilst you have fights and it takes two to fight.

Counseling alone will not be helpful but Steve Harley is quite good at getting reluctant spouses on board. Once you have found out what your husband is up to on the computer by using the keylogger, we can give you better advice so wait a day or two until you have more information.

Never, ever threaten to leave your spouse! That is another lovebuster. Decide on your boundaries and enforce them. That means you do everything in your power to save the marriage but know that if nothing works you will have to leave.