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Shredded, do you really want to try and recover this marriage? Given your WH's long history do you HONESTLY see that recovery is attainable? I ask because, that would change the order in which I'd recommend exposure.
Get the STD testing done regardless...for your peace of mind. Is WH still babbling and crying to you?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Yes, he has already given his 30 day notice.
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Yes, I do want to try to recover this marriage.
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A "single issue" polygraph exam is by far the most accurate. (They can be more than 99% accurate.) If you want to test more than one "issue," the accuracy of your results will diminish with each additional issue. (In the context of a polygraph, the term "issue" does not refer to a subject or topic; it refers to a specific question which is rephrased each time it is asked during the exam.) If you test more than 3-4 "issues" during a polygraph exam, the results are highly inaccurate. For this reason, a legitimate polygrapher will not agree to test more than 3-4 issues. Again, if you could narrow it down to 1 issue, that would be ideal. For example, the "issue" during your husband's polygraph could be: "Have you had penetrating sex (oral, anal, vaginal) with anyone other than 'Shredded' since (insert date)?"
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Jessica is correct. This is why it is important to get ALL your questions answered BEFORE the test. Hand him a list of your questions and give him one last chance to come clean BEFORE the test. He won't know WHICH question you are going to ask at the test to validate his truthfulness.
At the test you can work with the tester to choose the 2-3 questions that will be asked. And your spouse will not be told in advance.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Is WH still trickling truth out here and there?
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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No. He is holding to the latest which was over a week ago.
He called my parents last night and told them everything. He is staying with our pastor now for a while.
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What do you mean by babbling and crying to me?
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i'm pretty sure BR means the crocodile tears of the typical just-caught WH, who is fully engaged in trickle truth. i am astonished that your doctor husband is telling you that you do not need a sexual health check!
the typical WH will cry (so you think they are being honest - look at the *emotion*!) and tell you dribs and drabs of what they've done so they can make you think they've told you everything. neither of these things are true (they are not honest; they have not told you everything). i'm sorry, shredded, i know that's a kick in the gut. but it's pretty common - right out of the wayward playbook.
have you made a plan yet? do you know what your next steps are/should be?
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As long as he continues claiming he hasn't had extramarital sex, he has to continue claiming you have no reason to be tested for STDs. I suspect he is still in denial mode due to (a) pride/shame, (b) fear that you'll divorce him, and (c) worry that you'll force him to get a paternity test regarding the nurse's baby. Have you been keeping tabs on the finances? If the nurse told him the baby is his, he may be giving her money to cover child support & keep her quiet.
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Good luck tomorrow if your still doing the poly Shredded. I hope that your still on here and listening to what people have to say. Good luck!
Last edited by lostman101; 01/13/13 07:06 PM.
Me 37
WW 37
Married 14 years
4 boys 10,8,6,3
exposure Day 2/18/11
A started 11/2010
Divorced 7/21/2011
Has it been a year already??
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