BrainHurts, the people I was able to expose the OM to were the people on his FB friends list. I don't have emails, and I guess the FB way isn't the most reliable way to go. The contact number I found online might not be a good one. I've called it more than 10 times with no answer. I've also called frommy work phone landline with no answer.

Wow fireboss... Your exposure to DD7 was FANTASTIC!. Great job! I bet when your wife heard your DD& speak like that it really hit home. AS IT SHOULD! You did well. You should have been more calm though and let the emotional state roll off your back but I understand. We all get there and sometimes its difficult. Just remember to keep better cool next time things get heated up like that..

And DO NOT let DD7 leave .. whatever you do.

MNG

Do you have relatives that could watch your child while you are at work?

I thought you were a contractor because you earlier posted that you had bid on some work.

Here is the problem: if she takes the child you are at a legal disadvantage for custody. And don't leave the house either.

If she is talking about leaving I would freeze all joint bank and pension accounts.
Te question is: Do you want another man raising your daughter? Because it may happen if you dont proceed very carefully.

She is probably talking to toxic friends and may receive advice to empty the account, demand you leave the home etc.

I suggest you keep a audio recorder on your person at all times. Don't let her know about it. Many women will falsely accuse husbands of rape or abuse etc just to get them out of the house.

Be prepared. This board regularly encourages betraye spouses to change the locks on doors. She may receive similar advice. It is extremely important you NEVER raise your voice to her again. NEVER.

If you come home and the locks are changed call the police.

This can go either way. Be prepared for worse case scenario

Yes, I should have done a lot better at not blowing up. That will only make her negative feelings of me stronger. But I also think she knows now that I'm not here to be walked on. Because she said what's changed? In the last 2 weeks you have turned in to a real D***! I said what has changed is I realize you are out of this marriage and not coming back. I'm moving on, that's what has changed!

Sir your response to her is NOT plan A.
Arguing will not save your marriage.
There should be NO angry outbursts or disrespectful judgements during plan a

Jedi, I have explored the options of my family, close friends, and a neighbor family I'm very close to. Non seem to pan out to work in my situation. You are very right that I should not raise my voice ever again, and I knew that immediately after it was over!

I have also been recording our conversations. I have recorded me asking her not to go to AZ the first time after I discovered the E/A (she didn't know that I knew) I was just asking her not to go because I had a bad vibe. Then I got her on audio confessing to the affair when she got back. My most damning audio though was of her saying she would make me pay.... She said I won't get F'd on this deal you will, I will make you pay! This was after I got my own cell phone. She said by doing that, I breached her trust and should have talked to her about it first and that it was very irresponsible. I said we didn't discuss your affair either and it was very irresponsible. So which is going to ruin our marriage, my $47 a month phone bill or your affair? That's when she fired that off!

Jedi, I agreed with you,I know this. I can't change the past only the present! I will not have outbursts like that again.

Jedi, I also do construction on the side. I do this on my 2 off days I get during the day.

She does work and the commute of moving back to mommies will be about an hour w/o traffic.

In whose name is the title for her vehicle?

NG, the vehicle is in her name.

Rats!

Typically, attorneys will tell you the easiest way out because their goal is to achieve an "amicable" divorce. They don't care about anything other than that. If you want anything more, you will have to tell the attorney what you expect and that they need to go get that. [they work you for after all!] For example, tell her you want possession of the house, primary custody of the child and you want to know how you can bring her adultery into the divorce case, if necessary. For example, in a fault state you can sue on grounds of adultery and drag the adulterers into court to give sworn testimony. In many no fault states they DO take adultery into account when it comes to financial and custody issues. Typically an atty will counsel AGAINST this becuase they don't care about your marriage, just about getting that easy, peasy divorce.

It is to your benefit to sue on grounds of adultery if you can. And let me tell you why. Most waywards have a fantasy divorce in mind. Her goal is to easily replace you with OM, while remaining your "friend." [if you haven't seen the friend angle yet, you soon will] When you file on grounds of adultery and threaten to bring them both on the stand to testify about the affair, it ruins the fantasy and causes the WS to slow down and reconsider the trouble involved in busting up a family.

The overall goal is to cause as much conflict in the affair as possible. The more conflict you cause, the more likely the affair will die and when the affair dies, you will have a chance to save your marriage.

MelodyLane, I will definitely bring this up tomorrow when I meet with the attorney. I have seen the friend angle, because she keeps asking why I'm making this so difficult. She wants it to be amicable because we have to be friends after this is over. If I don't hear the word amicable come out of her mouth at least 10 times a day I don't hear it at all! It drives me crazy when she says it! She acts like she is doing me a favor.....

What would you suggest I say when she says I'm making things difficult, or being an [censored]? While all she wants to do is make things "go smooth and amicable between us"? She has said that before too. "All I want is to get along and make this easy on both of us, and you're being nothing but difficult about it"!

You must redefine "amicable" in terms of the divorce she is driving for, and it's interesting that this is from a former WH, given your profession:.

"Amicable" will prevent you from setting her on fire.

"Amicable" will not compel you, if she is on fire, to put it out by peeing on her.

NG, not sure how to take your last comment? And how do I 'redefine "amicable"?

Simple. Tell her you are not in favor of her affair or her wish to divorce. You made vows for a lifetime and you took her at her word. You cannot cooperate or support in any way her efforts to commit adultery and dissolve the marriage. This is all that needs to be said.

Justthe3ofus, that is perfect!

"Amicable" will be no contact between you, enforced by having an intermediary. There will be no "happily divorced family gatherings". You will continue to express your hatred of her actions and her selfishness to everyone, every time her name comes up. You will educate your daughter that her mother's actions were heinous and shameful, and that when she grows up, you will expect better behavior from her. You will fight WW for every detail during the divorce procedure, delaying the final result. You will plan to subpoena both WW and her AP to testify in open court about their inappropriate behavior, to be cross-examined by your lawyer about how little thought she gave to her daughter's well-being while she was getting railed by AP. And most importantly, when POSOM gets tired of bopping WW and does TO her what he's currently been doing WITH her, you will be long gone, in a much better life without a skank betraying you and acting the "injured" party.

And that's just for starters.....I haven't even gotten up to full-speed yet.

Give WW a "Cliff Notes" version of this, and see if it lines up with her idea of "amicable".

Man, this is great stuff! So to be clear on my mind set. I do all this expecting my marriage to be over, but hope it's salvageable?

Also, no one commented on one of my other comments. What do or have others done while going through this process. Stay focused on the task at hand? Casually date? Not sure what the protocol is here.