My kids got report cards yesterday.
Excellent grades.
Two years ago they held the school record for absences and tardiness.

I miss the habits associated with ww at times, like watching a favorite tvshow or getting coffee.

But LOGICALLY I know we are all better off. Last year was CHAOS during her affair. Today we have structure and a schedule of events every week.

CP posted on INDIE NEW LIFE thread the question: Can we go without sex?

I haven't had sex for more than a year. I have decided to heed Dr Harley's advice against remarriage and not date until after my kids are grown, which is only 12 years from now. I personally struggle with no sexual activity at all, especially no masturbation. It is really a struggle between mind and body.

Having very limited contact with ex ww has helped my emotional healing immensely. I'm very thankful I found MB duirng my times of trial

Why is this BH breaking NC by reading WW emails?

Why is this BH being told to break NC by sending an email to her?

Why is this BH not using his IM?

Road has a point
bbl

It wasn't really a question. We Know we can do without it. It was more a statement to bring the "Contrast" effect back into the realm of compatability without those extreme emotional issues that sex brings in.

Your a guy, and you must also see that women are usually more sexual beings, and by that I mean more the "responder", not as likely the initiator. Yeah I guess that means they think more with the right head..sorry if that crude but it is more the fact.

It puts guys in a tough position because if a girl goes for it with them, and they beg off, all kinds of insecurities can arise..Especially with today's more's.

BTW Road, were you talking about BH=Betrayed Husband or BH=Brain Hurts? I agree with you if you were talking about betrayed husband

I Assume on Indies thread they understood what I was saying and would comment if they didn't get it..

To me the "Contrast effect" was about personality compatability more than anything and I don't see where sexuality has to come in to figure that out.

If you love someone you want to make them happy, and sex usually makes us happy..its a no-brainer

So are you using an IM and insulating yourself from your messed up wife?

Maybe you answered this allready but if not, why not?

No I don't have an IM.
I was recommended by some posters not to; because she may bypass them anyway.
I only have contact through a dedicated email address; I have not seen or spoken to her since divorce 7 months ago

I was talking about BH/betrayed husband. When I say BH I mean BH.

I was not talking about Melodylane Jr.

Hmm not usually MB policy to suggest not having an IM. At least most divorcing couples have lawyers to handle the communication, those legally bound by law and trained,(Although they might only have a certificate and a diploma).

Plus it costs $

But having someone you both know to transfer messages who can remain impartial and objective usually means things will get filtered through them, and if it is a personal IM, a lot of stuff can be filtered out..IE.

Possible Email from XW in red print

I need you to pick up the kids at 3:00 PM because my boyfriend is going to take me to the Grammys and to dinner at the Ritz Carlton and he hates it when we are late. When we were together you always made me feel like I was irresponsible and he says along with my therapist that was so bad for adults to do to each other.

I am really upset and have been crying all day because I am going to miss the kids.(Blah Blah Blah how its your responsibility and your fault that they are not cared for correctly and because you do not have a magic wand to make it all better..)

You will have to drop them off at 1 PM on the appropriate day because they have a DRs appt at 3 PM that day with thier therapist that was court ordered by your interferance with their life..(More emotional blah blah blame games and reasons why its all your fault..)


Filtered thru IM letter in Blue print

Your wife sent you a letter and she said,

"If you can please pick up the kids at 3 PM on the scheduled day, and drop them off at 1 PM on the following scheduled day."

Hope you are having a good day Jedi


Now the Lawyer would have to give you all the letter and include all the reasons that the law gives you to..(Included in law books version)

The IM could be trusted to trim it down unless they discerned she was in a crisis where someone is endangered of life or limb.

This is the reason for an IM basically. To take you out of the drama that WSs will try to keep you enslaved to.

You are a man that believes above the "Law of the land", and I respect that believe me.

I am sure DR.H is well versed on the law but I am Glad he has not taken the Law version of being a therapist and has the faith and conviction to realize that Marriage is a union between two adults and before God. Gods laws, Gods way.

The IM is set up to help you heal and take you away from the Drama that is so prevalent in all deep human relationships.

Just because someone wants to twist the rules to fit into their own circumstances, doesn't mean you can fool God, being the light and the truth, and the source of revelation to man.

Get an IM and start healing Jedi

Mel has inspired a lot of ppl Road, and the site will do good to have someone teach like DR. H and quote him.

"Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery"

I don't know about you but I am jealous...

I don't need an IM because I have full custody. There is no child exchanges etc

She would just do whatever she wants anyway

So then if she is contacting you it is at your choice?

Then you can block her number and get a restraining order if nessary.

She is not allowed to disrupt your life in any way Jedi.

Maybe you are just using this site as a means to heal. I am doing the same.

God Bless

Maybe The Road wants to be called Melodylane Jr?

TheRoad is not that good.

However you are good enough. Hence you have earned the nick name.

Nicknames are not taken.

Nicknames are given.

So it is up to you to feel insulted or complimented to be called MelodylaneJr.

Well my small contracting business is just about under.
I'm trying to hang in there but the prospects look bleak.

I do have a credit card lawsuit filed against me in small claims court. I have a pre trial hearing Tuesday on this lawsuit. I'm trying to delay collection activity as much as possible until foreclosure lawsuit so I can declare bankruptcy at that time.

The adultery and divorce really did wipe me out emotionally and financially.

I think much clearer now post divorce but at times I sometimes ask, What if I would have done this or that?
I will say, raising kids and working is challenging.

Tonight I was thinking, time does go by fast. I'm 35 and my youngest will be 18 in 12 years. That means 47 until dating! Maybe 44....

a couple weeks ago this:
Jedi, I think MB/Harley forbids porn; but not masturbation. I don't understand the benefit of this level of deprivation.


opt

Opt I understand but The Church views masturbation as sinful because (a) it does not procreate and (b) if I masturbate I have sinful thoughts.

Well I was served with the foreclosure paperwork today.
Worst possible timing too.
Im nearly broke and the business is under but I just need to hang in there !
I need to pay an atty $500 and he will keep us in the house several more months.

Interestingly my ex wife was supposed to sign a Quit Claim Deed on the house but apparently never did because she is named as a Defendant in the foreclosure complaint

Hang in there. Hope you catch a break soon. Take advantage of any help you can get if u need it. I will pray for you.

Maybe you will change your mind.