MelodyLane and GloveOil,

Thank you for the comments. I would prefer to make this demand in person, so will do it this weekend and let you know the result. I plan on using your comment as a verbatim guide on what to say. I do deserve better than this.

As I mentioned above, WH exposed himself to many people and OW's friends seemed to know about the A before and I know are aware after it was discovered. I have looked and haven't found a facebook page for OW, but will keep looking. I will also tell the few family members who I assume don't already know.

I would tell everyone yourself even if you believe he has told them. That is because waywards lie to others about the affair and spin the truth in a false light to make themselves look better.

If you speak to all of these people yourself, you can ask them to use their influence to persuade him to end his affair. If you don't contact them yourself, they will assume you are ALRIGHT with the situation and will welcome skanky into their midst.

Can you find this hoe's parents? Does your husband have a facebook page? If so, is he friends with her?

My suggestion would be to do a nuclear exposure in the next few days and then head home. But you can't eliminate anyone from the exposure list just because you believe he has told them. They need to hear the truth from you.

Did you read my exposure thread?

Does he know that you can read his texts?

Does he work with this OW?

MelodyLane,

Thank you for your answers and help. I will answer your questions and then have a few more questions for you.

We do not have facebook pages (we are in our mid 50s with no kids, so kind of not our thing). So no, he is not friends with her on facebook. They used to work together many years ago-so have some of the same friends, but do not work together any longer. Prior to the A, they hung out in some of the same circles, which is why WH disclosed to many of his friends, because he has withdrawn from these activities. I do not know about her parents, where they live or even if they are alive. I don't believe that she is originally from our area.

I did read your exposure thread. I am trying to process it a bit. But will think about the nuclear exposure this week before heading back.

He does not know that I read his texts. I figure it is good to keep this secret for now, so he doesn't take things underground.

Now for some additional questions:

When I tell him that continued contact with the OW is not something I can accept, the outcome could be one of the following:

(1)He agrees to no longer contact her and it turns out to be the truth (I will know by monitoring texts)-my response is Plan A for awhile and work towards moving to recovery. Is this right?

(2) He agrees to no longer contact her and it turns out to be a lie-my response is Plan A for a short while, then move to Plan B. Is this correct?

(3) He will not agree to no contact-do I immediately move to Plan B? Or do I try to Plan A for awhile in this option? I would love to run OW off before I move to Plan B. Hopefully exposure will work to run her off, but if it doesn't how to handle?

Other question-I have read most of the content on the MB site, but am having a bit of trouble applying it to my situation.

I realize depending on what happens in the scenarios above this may or may not be an issue, but just in case- I am wondering if, and if so how, you have a conversation about the relationship in Plan A. Is it okay to calming discuss issues or is it best to be the upbeat happy no problems person.

Here is the background: As I mentioned in an earlier post, we spent the weekend together and things were very good. We decided to get away from it all and work on the relationship. He was very loving and affectionate, and I really thought we may be moving into recovery. He talked about getting a job near me and moving, discussed going away for a long vacation in a few weeks, lots of talk about the future. Really, everything I could have wanted. Then two things happened. 1) I found out that less than a week prior he had texted with her (and I am planning to deal with that as discussed above) and 2) once we were apart again, (Monday) when we talked he has withdrawn again. No discussion of the great weekend, just a fairly matter of fact call as if the weekend didn't happen.

So, after that long story-my question is should I say something like- you know we had a really great weekend where I felt very close to you but now that we are apart you seem withdrawn. This is hurtful to me.

Or do you wait until, and if, you are in recovery to have these conversations about "the Relationship"?