She said she thinks about me when she wakes up and goes to sleep

I haven't forgotten...That's what holds me back from reacting. I'm pretty numb

Good question. I haven't seen her enough to know the answer to that question.

I don't have a response, but thanks. I am on guard and I'll just continue my life as scheduled.

This still sounds very wayward IMO. MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME

She hasn't said anything that I would want to hear from a remorseful wayward that has reflected on the hell they have put their family through.

SMB wrote something on her famous thread after her FR when she was writing out her conditions that she wanted the bar set SO HIGH that it was almost impossible for HPB to return -- so that she would be ensured that he was very serious.

Just wanted to throw that out there for you to think about. You and the children have been to hell and back. I would hate to see her jerk you all around some more when she is not DEAD SERIOUS about making big big changes (honesty boundaries selfishness laziness etc) and rather just looking for a "quick fix".

Please be very careful.

It's quite possible she was trying to see how I would react to what she said and when I didn't, she left it alone. I have no idea, but the bar has to be set high. I haven't thought too much about it since that day. It's like you said, if she's serious about it, she will display major changes that are necessary for me and the kids. I'm not in the same place that I was a year and some change ago. I'm working on myself and trying to prepare for my retirement next year from the Marine Corps. I plan on buying a house by the summer time and look forward to my new life.

I think you have the right outlook and are taking the right approach.

Just finished your thread and wow. I cried and got angry and sad as well. Your story is ALOT like mine IMO. Good to see a Gunny stand his ground for Corps, country and marriage. I am a corpsman and I can imagine how hard it was to disobey a direct order. All in all I am on the same path. If you want to read my thread and offer me some advice I would gladly take it. It's good your being the father of your kids even though so much pain was inflicted on you. Semper fi. If I ever run into that POSOM that wants to call himself a Marine without honor courage and commitment I will slug him for ya then treat him at the BAS lol

TD,

Thanks for the reply. I will read your story. Although, I don't know what advice I could give you because the things I did didn't seem to work so well. My story isn't over and I believe things will get better at some point. I felt like I was on the verge of getting my WxW back many times, but the POSOM was in the picture the whole time. It wasn't until December that she stopped talking to him. Now I don't know if I am willing to put myself out there to be hurt again and the line would be so thin that she would not be able to live up to my conditions.

As far as the POSOM goes, he's in Albany now so if you get out there, have at it lol

As far as the POSOM goes, he's in Albany...

As in the cesspool of corruption, double-dealing, and special-interest pandering that serves as the capital of the Empire State?

Like we don't have enough low-lives there, now we're importing them?

It's been a while since I've posted on here. It's been a year since my divorce and I've been doing pretty well. I have times of sadness when things go bad with the kids, but I push throuh it. Over the last few weeks, my ex wife and I have had several talks about possibly getting back together. I've been observing her behavior and body language when I talk to her to see if I can sense any lying or deceit. I think it would be wonderful for my family if we are able to be whole again. I just haven't figured out where to begin. From what she's told me, the affair ended in November which is the last time she saw POSOM. She says she broke contact with him and blocked his number. His wife has made contact with me recently and said he is buying her a house in GA and that's where they plan to settle. She says he's been really making an effort to repair their marriage.

We exchanged what we knew and I gave her my ex wife's phone number so they could talk. From what POSOM's wife has told me, my ex wife has given her a lot of information such as dates, times, text messages and whatever else she has asked for. It's been a long drawn out process that I felt I had moved on from. I thought it was weird that they were communicating, but feel maybe it's a chance for everyone to move forward. A lot of damage has been done, but I don't think it's beyond repair. I'm sure there will be a lot of questions, but the one I will ask is where do I go from here in order to do it the right way?

You know, I wouldn't touch this with a 10' pole unless her behavior has changed so dramatically that you would be protected from another affair. What would be different in the future?

And what was your wife's plan when she moved out? To hook up with the OM? Did she ever give you the full truth about her affair that she kept so well hidden all that time?

How many affairs did she have in your marriage?

I agree with ML after reading your whole story it helped me out alot and she needs to practice some RADICAL changes before that happens.

Hi Melody,

Yes, when she moved out, that was her plan. She did give me the full details about the affair. During the time that POSOM was supossed to have no contact, the affair continued all the way until the day he left the state.

There was a ONS and this affair that carried on for a little over a year

I would suggest emailing Dr. Harley. I agree with MelodyLane that there would need to be some radical changes.

All of that is basically detailed on this website in Dr. Harley's Q&A columns, but I would want some professional help. If she's willing to do the basic things to establish transparency and accountability, you might be able to reconcile, and of course that would be pretty much the best thing possible for your kids and probably for both of you.

I whole heartedly believe that as well. I will take time to demonstrate that behavior, that's why I came back here. I don't want to make any mistakes by rushing or making a bad decision. From what I have observed, she is a different person. She has also apologized about everything and doesn't seem so clouded by her bad judgement.

Is she setting her life up in such a way that you could VERIFY no contact?

I did let her know about transparency and being open and honest about everything. She said she was willing to do that. I agree that it would be better for us all if we can make this work, but I want it to be done right and not miss anything I should be doing or having her do.