Hello everyone! My husband and I have been married for a little bit over a year now and other than working whole day from Monday to Friday, we've spent most of the time together. We've never taken a long vacation separately except for the time we were not yet married when he went to another country for 2 weeks since he had the opportunity to go (half the expense for the ticket). I had no problems with that since I trust him and I wanted him to enjoy and take a break from working so hard. Absence does make the heart grow fonder even though sometimes the absence part makes you feel lonely. We go out from time to time but not a long week vacation. This year, he's planning on going to Japan for 2 weeks since he knows somebody there that can provide him free lodging. I would like go with him because I've been dreaming of going there my whole life but I can't because of my work schedule. As much as I would like to be happy for him and be supportive to take that opportunity, I find it hard because there's that feeling of envy. I want to have memories with him there but seeing him wanting to go even without me made me feel a bit sad and now I'm confused as to what I feel regarding him leaving to another country without me. How should I approach this? Is it wrong of me to feel that way? I wanted to know how other couples would handle this situation and if I should be seeing things in another point of view. Every reply helps! Thank you for your time.

He should not go without your enthusiastic agreement. That will create resentment in you, because he will be doing something that you don't want him to do--he will be gaining at your expense.

But the MOST important thing is that nights away from each other are a bad idea. You are quite right for not wanting your husband to travel without you.

Have you read the Basic Concepts of Marriage Builders? Do you know about the Policy of Joint Agreement? ---> POJA

The way the POJA works is that you would tell him you are not enthusiastic about his solo travel. Then you brainstorm. If you can't go with him to Japan, how about another place? Another time period?

But won't this make him resent me? When a person doesn't get to do what he/she wants to, there is often resentment. But it only lasts until a couple negotiates another solution that makes them BOTH happy. Solo travel should be completely off the table anyway.

The Marriage Builders point of view lies in the policy of joint agreement as outlined by LongwayfromHome. Leading separate leisure lives is how couples grow apart. It is the beginning of emotional detachment and incompatibility that leads to the death of romantic love. You don't have to experience that if you understand how romantic love is created and follow these concepts.

Check out this article:

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I echo what the previous posters have said. Just because he can save money on lodging doesn't mean he should go. That's like saying I bought these shoes on sale so I saved money...I'm still spending money.

There's no way i would be okay with my wife traveling to another country without me. The best way to handle this is as how it was obviously stated. Let him know that after some thought, you're not okay with this trip. Then tell him that what you'd really like to do is the two of you to plan out a vacation trip that the two of you can take.

He shouldn't go for two reasons:

1) He should have his most enjoyable times with you present.

2) Your resentment of him going without you will be more than his resentment of not getting to go. Dr. Harley says that there is more resentment for the person when the spouse does something they don't want them to, than the spouse that doesn't get to do it.


So you should say "Japan sounds awesome, but I would really like us to plan a vacation together. Is there a way we can plan it around my work schedule or can we find another place we can both go together?"