Can you tell MIL that you would love to have SS?

If she wants to have WW sign a note giving you the right, that you will get SS ASAP.

Maybe if SS and MIL both tell WW that SS wants to go there and MIL says the same?

My heart breaks for that poor kid. Good for you, tranquil, for telling him the truth and letting him speak his feelings.

Can you speak to your lawyer about bringing him home?

Ill do that I'll let MIL know I want SS and ask lawyer to have her give me custody of him. He's an awesome kid. WWs baby father (SS dad) was extremely abusive and we she told him that I was abusive he defended me. I love that lil guy like he was my own. Ill try and keep you updated.

If you are willing, is there anything you could bribe WW with for custody of SS? Anything?

I have nothing to offer but a marriage where both our needs are met. Which isn't enough for her

So MIL cannot care for SS but WW does not even have him? Is MIL looking for you to take him or was she only searching for WW to come get him?

There has to be someway to negotiate getting your sons back together under the same roof and both under your care.

Are you in a position to financially care for both without CS for the SS? What about getting her to sign over custody to uou of SS?

I can take care of them emotionally and financially. MIL wants me to have SS. I asked her all through December that SS needs to be with DS because he is 9 and needs a good father figure around him 24/7. No offense to the awesome moms out there but a woman can't raise a boy to manhood. Especially an emotionally unstable WW in the grips of a predatory POSOM. WW isn't taking my calls probably crying her eyes out and self loathing. For some reason talking to me about real issues makes her feel worse. Guilt is a mfer.

Call Children Services in PR and locally and update them.
My uncle, years ago married a woman that turned out to be a rotten woman. She had a daughter from a previous man and when she left my uncle to dance in nude bars he cared for the daughter and actually had to buy her from his wife.

He paid the ex wife child support and in exchange got to raise her daughter. Today she is a married Christian woman. There is no telling what would have happened if his "foggy" wife kept the girl.

I will be honest with you: I think your wife is a bad apple. Many of the posters will disagree and say ; " We are all capable of this and it's fog".
I respond that it's NEGLECT and ABANDONMENT.

I thought the MIL didn't speak any English? She sounds like she's insane to call you and say she loves the OM and approves of him? Her family probably is full of sexual immoral behavior that you have been unaware of.

I think Children Services is your best help at this point and I would not entertain the idea of paying off your wife. Try using the system first. Let MIL face charges then see how far she is willing to go to continue aiding and abetting kidnapping.

When my uncle was a young man the mother could be a whore and the courts would give her custody. Today things are different.

My wife's OM also had a serious criminal history. And she is living with him now. I have full custody of my 3 kids and I think that you will end up in the same position. I reached a point where it was too much and I surrendered my wife to God. And accepted the responsibilities that He left me with.

Okay, I'm sure I missed it as I'm not here that much anymore. However, I'm wondering why your MIL is trying to help you now when she was complicit in this "kidnapping" of your kids from the beginning.

MIL knows nothing of POSOM. My WW had a abusive relationship before me in which MIL didn't help her in at all. I believe my WW told MIL I was abusive to her and the kids and took her word as law without talking to me. Overcompensating for her past ignorance of my WW plight. The whole time my WW has been telling MIL she doesn't talk to POSOM and I'm in fact crazy. MIL is an enabler due to her inaction to let her daughter know that she is wrong and making a mistake. She doesn't know POSOM and has not said she loves him. WW loves him (some twisted form of lust).

The poop hits the fan when SS is too expensive and emotionally draining to be cared for. MIL now realizes she was lied to. I received a text saying she is angry with WW after our talk. She speaks a little English enough to convey her thoughts. In order for MIL to embrace the truth I gave her POSOM church number as MIL is very active in her own church. Maybe hearing the same from a pastor will stop her enabling her daughter. I sent the exposure letter to her family but WW denied the relationship and called me abusive.

Her family took her side because she is their blood and she hasn't lied in the past. Now they see it for what it is. JK I understand your POV but I don't think my WW is in the same boat as yours was. She sees what she is doing but I feel she is addicted to POSOM because I didn't meet her ENs. That's a reason not an excuse. The high of getting those met and the rush of stealing another "woman's man" has consumed her. She is making emotionally charged decisions based on her need to be with POSOM. I believe she is redeemable but I'm at the point of AOs so I need plan b to protect my love bank and love for her.

Wanted to do that this week but with this revelation should I hold off? POSOM won't answer his phone when I call and she won't either. Ill use the courts but I feel she will give me custody because she knows her wrongs but refuse to admit said facts. She is a escaper, I realize that now thanks to the radio show. When things get tough she runs. Now she has nowhere to run so she ignores the problems she caused because ignorance is bliss.

Ouch viper that hurts that your not following the extra salty pretzel with twists and turns that has become my life. Please read more as I see your posts on other threads and value your advice unlike some BHs here.

It's not that I don't want to follow your sitch a lot more closely, it's just that circumstances I'm having to live under don't allow me much time to do so.

You're are in awesome hands. Having NG as your PB conduit couldn't be a better choice if you tried. I can assure you, that guy won't let anything get passed along that doesn't need to be passed.

Not sure how to answer your PB timing now that this has occurred. If there is a chance you could get custody of your SS, then you might want to step back and look at the bigger picture. The likelihood is remote, but the mere possibility would be enough for me to pump the brakes if there is even the slightest chance this could happen. I was in the same shoes as you almost a decade ago....

I lost a child that I was raising as my own, and to this day I miss him to hell and back. If there is a real chance of making this happen for you and him, then I would back off on the PB launch until you find out exactly what your options and chances are of making this a reality. For your SS's sake, I hope you can. He needs one stable parent in his life, and we all know who the unstable one is here.

I wouldn't bank on this though, but I would still explore my options. However, it would appear that what was once an enemy (MIL) is now an ally, so who knows what could happen.

You have absolutely nothing to lose by trying, and your SS has everything to gain as well.

Let me ask: What does she offer you?
Take a good look at her actions.
If you are called to active duty and have your legs blown off and can't meet her emotional needs this is how she will respond because you won't be able to meet her needs?
I hope that doesn't happen because if you were bedridden she may just abandone you and let you die.
She is responsible for her actions. She chose to abandon her son in PR and completely neglect him to meet her selfish needs of some creep?

What qualities does she bring to a relationship?
She seems TOXIC

I look at it like this: we have been married 5 years and date 1 year. This has been going on for a small part of our marriage. I know her potential of being an awesome wife and mother who supports her family. She has many qualities I won't list because of anonmity, due to her sloppy nature ofconcealing this 2nd life affirms my belief she isn't a serial cheater. I have a lot to gain in keeping this marriage as does she but like Dr. H says many times on the show WS don't think using logic. I know that when this POSOM shows his true colors she will snap out of the fog.

What I don't know is when that will happen and if it does will I even want her back. I can say yes today and feel something opposite when the situation arises. The common cause is POSOM and her f'ed decisions so she can be in fantasyland with him. Once that a-hole is out of the picture our marriage will recover and she comes clean admits her faults that led to this destructive behavior and corrects them. I will hold off plan b till I get SS custody situated. Her actions are deplorable and toxic yes but no different from any other wayward in the other threads on this forum. This is truly a crack like addiction.

I'm sorry to hear your plight and that's understandable. I will do everything in my power to do right by SS.

Since you're going to expose yourself to this toxicity for the sake of SS -- be sure to have an outlet. We're here for you, but be sure to have something constructive to do with the anger that's sure to be inflicted.

I lift weights and run spending time with DS also helps keep my eye on the prize and the delayed reward. Thanks for the advice everyone god bless

"Well Pio, I think that you are right about the addiction being to the affair and not the OP, I have long said that really OM could have been anyone, even Bozo the Clown...

Affairs are about escapism...Funny thing is, what a sicked out WS doesn't realize is that it is actually themselves that they are running from...But instead of focusing on the inside and looking at what's going on there, they seek happiness from without, where it is NEVER to be found...

For most of my life, I existed in daydreams, it was here on this board that I actually "verbalized" that for the first time, honestly, it had never occured to me before-it was but a mechanism/coping skill for me...my affair was a real life daydream turned nightmare for me...Anytime that I was sad, angry, depressed...any negative emotion, I went inside myself to escape to a fantasyland of "happiness"...I constantly, (and still do this at times-getting better though) would say, "I'll be happy when ________.", rather than choosing to be happy in the present...The difference for me is that I am aware of this now, and I put myself in check when it happens...same goes for all the wasted daydreaming time...I am choosing to be happy, because now I realize that it is a choice-and also that life is a mystery to be lived and not a problem to be solved...

It's wonderful that you be able to learn all this, so that you can understand and be healthy yourself...Sadly, no matter how much you learn and grow, Gemela will have to do that for herself...But you know that...

Are you still in Plan A til August? How's that going? What are you working on?"

This is taken from someone else's thread and I feel it describes my WW perfectly. It was posted by Mrs. Wondering. She isn't in love with the POSOM but the affair it's escapism. Not defending her or making excuses but educating myself with this abusive phenomenon that's destroying my marriage and life.

TD- I've been following your thread. I'm not going to conjecture on the reasons why WS get into affairs. You've been here long enough to know that the vets will tell you that the real reason is that they have poor boundaries. Why not escape into a fantasy that involves a better marriage and a beautiful life with your spouse???

What I wanted to ask, as I think your WW is probably most in line with my WH on the level of horrific acts done during the affair (including some criminal behaviour i.e. kidnapping your DS)is if you are still willing to reconcile and why? I wonder if there is anyone on this board who has had to deal with an abusive/substance abuse situation and had a spouse that made a turn around after professional help. I would like to know about it. (t/j, Sorry!)