He wont answer my calls or texts. I dont think hes going to give a chance at all. Im afraid hes just going to leave me with all the bills and let me drown. Hes only ever ignored me like this when he first found out i lied to him. He didnt come home for 3 days and wouldnt return my texts or calls that was because he was really mad

Do you know where he is staying?

I decided to go to his work and see him. He wasnt hsppy to see me but he came out. I apologized and told him to come home. Hes been sleeping in his car. He said he wasnt coming home ever and that hed be sleeping in his car till he could get himself a place. I told him i will stop the drama and accussing him of cheating and stop pressuring him if he comes home and i told him i love him and want to work things out. He said to late!

Needless to say he came home!!! Now what??

That's wonderful. Now you have to be the nicest Alliekat you can be and keep your promises which means absolutely no dramas, no fights and no asking questions about his fidelity.

We will help you plant the snooping tools you need to use to be sure he is not cheating. Do not tell him about them at this time.

Please get going with learning to use the tools on this site. You are going to need to sell him on MB as something that will benefit him.

So upon coming home hubby has been really sick with flu. Yesterday i was taking care of him covering him up and he grabbed my hand and pulled me close to hug me and said thank you for taking care if me. I said of course your my hubby and i love you. He told me he loved me too. Since then hes been still sick and now i have the cold part. I thought maybe that meant wed be ok but nothing much has changed. I keep wondering if he said it in the moment or by mistake..thats the first time in 7 mths hes said that so i dont think it was a mistake but i dunno

Since hes just been quiet! He did ask if there was anything he could do for me since im now sick. But i feel like that i love you too were just words

We are not there and besides my crystal ball is covered in sticky finger marks but this sounds like a man who loves you but is not sure he can trust you. Trust and love are very tightly bound together because when you love someone you give them your heart to hold in their hand.

If you can avoid any fighting which he obviously cannot cope with (who can blame him) and gently get him to talk about his feelings, you might be able to get him to agree to start working the MB programme with you. Sell it by saying that it will help you to become more open and honest and a better wife.

Good point!! Im certainly going to give it my best effort not to fight. So farso good! Im worried about pushing him to quick into mb but am really hoping i can nudge him that way. Hes been very sweet today when he got home, he asked whati and DD want for dinner, he gave DD medicine, since shes sick too now and asked me if whilehes out getting dinner if he can pick me up anything. He said if i do think of anything i need to just text him. It really seems like he cares and like hes trying. Please keep fingers crossed for us

I stepped out of my comfort zone and hugged hubby to thank him for everything hes done today for me. It wasnt the most loving hug but i wasnt rejected. He didnt tell me he loves me or anything like that but it was a step in the right direction

Keep up the good work!

Ugh..... It seemed we were making head way but now hes acting like a jerk for no reason. Hes still sick and has been sleeping alot so last night being as nice as i can be i decided to make muffins for him to take in to the guys at work. Well he left them here and when i asked him about it ( nicely) he said they can say here he doesnt feel like taking them in. I asked him if everything was ok or is he was upset and he just said no but its like the same crappy attitude ive gotten the last few months

When he acts like he could careless about me it hurts and it makes me want to lash out. I feel like he can back just to stay here and becausei begged him to like a desperate loser. He acts like he could careless about me. Im being nice and trying to met his needs but it seems like its not what he wants either. I need some help!! I dont want to lose him or go off and pick another fight after i promised him i was done with pressuring him to get over his hurt and etc

So you asked without letting it turn into a fight - great progress!


Of course it hurts, you are only human! For now can you trust that he is testing you? He seems to be very, very conflict averse. Clearly fighting is a massive lovebuster for him (it is for most people).

The more you can show him that you are not going to lash out, the easier it will be for him to come out of withdrawal. As he moves from withdrawal into a state of conflict this gets harder for you as he is actively testing you rather than hiding from you. But the reward (romantic love) is well worth working towards so stick with the plan!

And don't worry too much about meeting his needs for now. Just spend fun time with him whenever you can, 20 hours a week. Can you join him in some hobby he is involved in? If you try to meet his needs and are rejected, this will make you feel unloved and then you might be tempted back into a fight.

Right now hes not involved in any activities. He goes to work and comes home. He says he doesnt feel like doing anything! We havent had sex since oct 31st , havent done a dinner or lunch date since oct or anything fun. His whole thing is he just doesnt feel like it. He has turned down things his friends have asked him to do too. All he does is watch tv and sleep. I can be strong and not lash out but i feel like he isnt willing to do anything

Now I'm going to be Brainy

What to do if your spouse is depressed

Thing is he wont go to dr for it! So my hands are tied i cant make him go!

Do you ask him? What does he say?

Yes i had asked him when he told me he was depressed. He said hes in a funk, he doesnt want to hurt himself or anyone but he doesnt feel like doing anything fun. I cant even get him to go to dr for his flu/cold. Hes alwaysbeen this way its just before when we were good i could talk him into going to dr for stuff. Nowit seems like he doesnt want to do anything i think.

I really thought last week with him saying i love u and then taking care of me when i was sick sunday and monday that we were making progress. But it seems from his attitude last night with me hes back to barely talking with me or bothering me. How can go from loving me sat and caring about me sun and mon to almost ignoring me wed and thurs. he still is feeling sick and has a bad cold.

Can you get his family to put some pressure on him to go to the doctor?
Can you call his doctor and say you suspect he is depressed and how to handle it?
Can you make an appointment for him and tell him when it is and drive him there?

He hasno relationship with his family! I could try and make him but not sure he would do anything other than be upset.

Things have gotten better. His mood is better so im hopeful. We now eat dinner at the table as a family and he texts me if hes working ot so i dont worry and his paycheck is reflecting it so thats better.

He talks to me about work a lot so i think thats good.

My next hurdle is my b-day is sun and normally we would celebrate but i am worried he wont even say happy birthday to me and i knowtgats going to hurt! How do i handle this w/o freaking out with his lack of actions. Its only been 2 weeks since hes been home but if he doesnt acknowledge b-day isnt that a sign he doesnt care?

Terrific, depression does usually eventually resolve.



You don't need him to remember your birthday for him to love you. Remind him gently that it's coming up soon, cook a nice dinner and buy yourself something he can give you that morning, heck you can even pretend to be surprised when you open it.

Stop turning everything into a test, just relax and enjoy your life. 99% of men never remember birthdays. It's all about the strategy.