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Goodness where do i begin?
Okay, so my fiance at the time was my boyfriend decided that "HE" needed a vacation from his stressful career, so he decided that we should go on a road trip to Taos, NM. When i heard vacation, i knew right away there were gonna be problems... You see he wanted me to pay my half, which i did, but coming up with it was horrible! Currently I'm a pharmacy tech at a hospital and a nursing student who helps support my mom who has stage 4 liver cancer.... times are tough! I explained to him how money was tight and I couldn't contribute too much while on vacation, He said he understood and was fine with it. So little did I know he was going to purpose to me and within the first hour of being in Taos I had a $8,000 ring on my finger!!! I was ecstatic!!!! So were coming back from the trip and he complained that i had no money to help out with the vacation and I didn't try hard enough to help... this is where problems began! Next Christmas came around and he was expecting a designer watch, well i was only able to afford a Movado... Well he wasn't having it, and made me return it. Now he is complaining that i took advantage of him on the trip, that i cheaped him out of a watch and that I should take responsibility for the engagement ring he purchased me and pay off the other $4000 he owes on it. He is suggesting that I forget my nursing career and anything dream/goal that i have for myself and devote all of my time to him and his career. He is basically asking me to move in work for him, so that i can always be there to take care of him.... Mind you he will only pay me when he closes a deal ( he is a real estate agent) and he will deduct $250 and utilities from my check bc " thats the least i could do for him"
What do you think? Am I overreacting? I need advice!!!
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Goodness where do i begin?
Okay, so my fiance at the time was my boyfriend decided that "HE" needed a vacation from his stressful career, so he decided that we should go on a road trip to Taos, NM. When i heard vacation, i knew right away there were gonna be problems... You see he wanted me to pay my half, which i did, but coming up with it was horrible! Currently I'm a pharmacy tech at a hospital and a nursing student who helps support my mom who has stage 4 liver cancer.... times are tough! I explained to him how money was tight and I couldn't contribute too much while on vacation, He said he understood and was fine with it. So little did I know he was going to purpose to me and within the first hour of being in Taos I had a $8,000 ring on my finger!!! I was ecstatic!!!! So were coming back from the trip and he complained that i had no money to help out with the vacation and I didn't try hard enough to help... this is where problems began! Next Christmas came around and he was expecting a designer watch, well i was only able to afford a Movado... Well he wasn't having it, and made me return it. Now he is complaining that i took advantage of him on the trip, that i cheaped him out of a watch and that I should take responsibility for the engagement ring he purchased me and pay off the other $4000 he owes on it. He is suggesting that I forget my nursing career and anything dream/goal that i have for myself and devote all of my time to him and his career. He is basically asking me to move in work for him, so that i can always be there to take care of him.... Mind you he will only pay me when he closes a deal ( he is a real estate agent) and he will deduct $250 and utilities from my check bc " thats the least i could do for him"
What do you think? Am I overreacting? I need advice!!! Welcome to MB. Please read these before you go any further. Preparing for Marriage Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders Tell us what you think.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Uhhh, a quick scan reveals he's parsimonious, arrogant, self-centered, and conniving.
I am assuming you are considering those as his GOOD points!
Return the ring. Find a real man. Move on. Your task as a wife is to jointly build a life with a husband, not attend to something his Mommy missed, and educate a little boy!
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Joined: Nov 2011
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You need to dump him.
Give him back the ring and tell him to never call you again.
Read the book Buyers Renters and Freeloaders by Dr Harley. It is available in bookstores or (cheap used copies on amazon)
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[quote=bikerchick] Help please Dating is a job interview. He did not pass the exam. He does not rise to the level of "future trustworthy husband". Make this quick. Over the phone. Have your script in front of you. "Dude, we are over. I am certain I will never be happy in any relationship with you. There is no hope. There is no "trying once more". There is nothing else. It did not work. It will not work. I am certain. There is no discussion. Goodbye." If he tries to say anything else, you say "Goodbye. I am certain." Then hang up.Change all your contact information. Change the locks in your home. Do not look back. He failed the interview. You are not his mother, not his therapist. There is no "fixing" him. There is no waiting to see if he will fix himself. There is nothing to do....You can be certain he is the wrong man for you. You do not need to provide him with a list of his wrongness. You do not need to convince him. You need to be certain. He IS not right for you. That is all that is
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Run, run as fast as u can and never look back!
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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Yes, I agree with all posters above.
Return ring and run!
Praying for your Mom and for you. Blessings!
Married/97.
No kids.
husband addictions
Separated/06
husband affair
Divorce/07.
back dating/12.
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Uhhh, a quick scan reveals he's parsimonious, arrogant, self-centered, and conniving.
I am assuming you are considering those as his GOOD points!
Return the ring. Find a real man. Move on. Your task as a wife is to jointly build a life with a husband, not attend to something his Mommy missed, and educate a little boy! well, i had written a scintillating post, and lost it in the ether! welcome to MB, samie. my best advice is the same as NGs: return the ring and break up with him for good. as jedi pointed out, he has failed the potential M partner test. count it as a lesson learned in what you're looking for in a M partner, and free yourself to find someone more suitable. there are men out there that will make wonderful husbands. avoid the ones with these traits - they are not husband material. an $8K ring will be of little comfort to you in a miserable marriage.
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Hey, hope you are good. a lot of advice there for you huh?
how long have you guys being dating?
has this been his attitude all these while?
have you explain to him how his actions and behaviour stress you out, almost choking you?
i would be glad to hear from you on these.
if you have dated him for long, do you like how he goes about issues?
it seems like he is the flamboyant type of guy, who wants to show of but does not have the means- that is immaturity, you know
its like 'public show home cry '
love is not about how expensive you shower gifts (and even in this case, he doesnt have the means to shower the gifts) on you partner, but a commitment to seek the well being of r=each other and live in understanding and happiness.
i hope you also dont make such demands of very expensive and luxurious gifts and things.
wish you the best. lets hear from you on these.
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Currently I'm a pharmacy tech at a hospital and a nursing student
[color:#330033][/color]how old are you? you mentiioned being a pharm tech and also a nursing student, how? you want to pursue two professions?
your career is very important and you should pursue it asap, unless in situations where it can be detrimental to your life. a good guy should be ready to support you build a career of your choice-something you love to do and cherish. i would not advice you leave this plans, it looks (from what you are saying) that he is selfish and short-sighted.
if he is the imposing type then dont even thing of marriage now, because you would not be happy after such marriage.
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I get the idea that she is a pharmacy tech attempting to make a step up the hospital ladder.
I agree with Kiki, you should not so easily give this up. Nursing can be a very lucrative career (and despite this you CAN have a healthy marriage, lucrative does not always equal a bad marriage), and your future husband SHOULD be supporting you. It almost sounds like he'd rather you NOT make more money -- would nursing make your income go over his?
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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ending your career path keeps you dependent on him financially. this is a form of control & manipulation. plus, if he berates you now for not contributing financially to his standards, can you imagine what it will be like when you're not working?
have you taken any action yet? please do not give up your career.
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Hello to you all
pharmacy tech and nursing are two parallel professions. they are mutually exclusive, you need to give up one to have the other. but if your interest is in nursing more, why not? go for it ! people change careers even over 50 yrs.
but as we are all saying, dont drop your career plan, especially when it is something you want to do and its rewarding financially.
but i would also want to know a bit of history about the relationship, that gives a better picture, then you can advice in context, you know.
that is why i was asking :
how long have you been dating?
is that how he's been all this while or there is a sudden change?
also have you been asking him for very expensive and flashy things or he loves to do things that way?
does he want to have the final word in every discussion or he seeks to for mutual satisfaction
(read POJA by Dr.H)
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you can always decline the marriage even when engaged.
but the earlier you make the decision the better.
the more you wait, the harder things become (as in separating)
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