You have done what many are afraid to do. Just remember -- if your wife meets all of your conditions, you can always cancel the divorce.

Hold to what you have said. Never talk divorce. Be pleasant. And Plan A. Be good, be wonderful, but do not keep her back from the consequences that she will be facing.

But you seem to know that, so...

x2

I asked the clerk if she had ever have anyone faint at her desk before. She looked at me startled and said "No why?" and my knees buckled. Thank God and taxpayers for granite desktops.

Nice work nothing more needs to be said plan a. Glad I could help.

I appreciate the kudos, but I forgot to mention she went right back over to her OMs house to "talk" about what I said to her. She came home and didn't say anything except goodnight to me and that we could talk tomorrow.

I bet I can tell you what she said.

"He's so meaaaan! And controlling! He said I had to stop seeing you if I wanted to stay with him! "

Try and be as pleasant as possible.

here are my letters:

Dear friends and family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of xxxx and I. As some of you know, xxxx has recently asked me for a divorce, which has shattered my heart. To my shock, I was saddened to have discovered one of the reasons is because she has been developing a relationship with a co-worker named xxxx who is her subordinate. She escalated the affair the day she asked for the divorce and she wishes carry on her affair without my interference.

She refuses to end the affair. I believe our marriage can recover from this affair. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop this dangerous affair. It is possible for us to be happy together, but the affair must end before she can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade her to end her affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only end the affair and work together to keep our family whole. Please support her in doing the right thing for our family. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest regards,
To Whom It May Concern:

This letter is to bring a matter to your attention that may be a violation of your Company's Code of Conduct and/or other policies, procedures and business ethics.

xxxx and xxxx are involved in an extramarital affair that is taking place in the workplace at your xxxx. Aside from the potential sexual harassment claims this situation presents, it also involves the inappropriate use of company time. If you investigate further you will find that xxxx is also the brother of the Manager. I have been informed by my wife that Manager was approached and consented to the relationship.

If you have any questions, please call me at xxx-xxx-xxxx. Otherwise, I will anticipate a response from you once you have investigated these concerns and taken appropriate corrective action.

Regards,


Dear friend of xxxx,

It grieves me to write this letter but I believe all of his friends should be aware that xxxx is having an affair with my wife, xxxx. We have been married for 6 years and our anniversary is next month. They began their affair at work and have brought it to my attention early this month.

I would ask that you use your influence with xxxx to persuade him to leave my wife alone. You should also watch your own wives around him because he is no friend to marriage.

Thank you,

Sounds great.

Who is on your exposure list?

When do you plan to do this?

Everybody on his FB and everybody I can get to on hers. Going to do it tonight. We talked last night so I didn't get a chance.

Unless she tells me tonight she's going to end it that is. But I'm not going to make it a penalty for her. It just simply is what it is and took me time to get it all prepared and in the right mind set.

Talked to one of my co-workers about what was going on because I was a little short with him yesterday. When he heard I confronted the OM in his home with his mother present and calmly told him to back off he flipped out. He couldn't believe the guts that took to do. Honestly I can't either.

What do you mean by "Unless she tells me..."? You should not give her any warning about the exposure, and nothing she says or does should prevent or delay the exposure.

I guess I am regardless. That way they can't go back to their dirty little secret lives?

Yes, and exposure is also to gain support for you.... So do it regardless of what she says today, and WITHOUT telling her of your plans!!

You must not discuss this with your wife, and you must do it regardless of what she says or does. Why are you putting this off? There is no logical reason for you to wait until she is asleep tonight. If you have time to post on this board today, then you have time to do the exposure today. Just do it!

I concur, don't make it an ultimatum. Just do it, like Nike!

I caved on full exposure. We had a long talk last night. She was really open about her feelings. She cried in front of me which she rarely does.

She told me about how she gave everything she had for 6 years to try and make it work, and all I did was take. She is right about that. She said when she thought about marriage to me she always knew I would be her 1st husband. She told me her soul was empty of any feeling for me, and she doesn't like me, or even hate me, because she has nothing left to give me. It was actually good to hear her say these things because I knew she was opening up.

We sat and looked at a box of stuff from when we were dating and talked about how we felt then. I asked her if this is where she thought we would be back then. I talked about how we could still recover from this and be a strong whole family again in time. I asked her to open herself to the possibility of being my friend. She is so hurt right now by me, and my waffling has contradicted myself so much. One minute I tell her I love her the next I call her a liar and selfish.

I told her I'm still willing to work on this. We are going to go to intensive counseling to try and heal the pain caused by my actions and her choices over the last 2 weeks. She says she has no try left, but I see this as hopeful.

She is going to stay home more often instead of running to OM when she feels hurt. She is backing off of him a little for now, but will still see him at work and some. She did keep her word to stay home tonight. I don't even think she texted him before going to bed.

I'm going into full on Plan A and will find out what her needs are first thing. Sex and Affection are certainly off the table for now but i'm going to focus on the others and maybe the others will open up. We start with conversation and domestic support and activities. We agreed to talk to each other for a little bit every night even though she can't stand to be near me. She is going to live in the office, and we are going to make this home a place she feels comfortable being.

more to come later....

I caved on full exposure.

Irresolute, ineffective, and without positive expectation!

Um... Plan A calls for exposure! She playing you like a fiddle and your letting her. Basically you said this: "Go sleep with him and me because I don't respect myself as a person. Your right you laying on your back for another man is all my fault."

EXPOSE have some dignity and pride. You gave her a pass to cake eat without any consequences. Please read the Plan A thread and don't pick and choose what you want to do follow it exactly! Also, if you don't expose people won't take you serious and hop off your thread. Her pity party was designed to get you to be complacent. WS are like drug addicts, she will do anything to get her fix and you are enabling bad behavior. Nothing will change unless you change your approach. Plan A says to fix your faults she has with you all the while destroying the affair. Exposure is the best way to do that! She has no respect for you, your kids and herself. Most of all she has 0 respect for you therefore you will never fall back in love until you earn her respect and stand up to her selfish IB and affair.

Yes please. Have some self respect man! She is going to back off a little more.. just a little and you are satisfied with these crumbs. Cajones man get some! EXPOSE! What was the outcome of the exposure you have done so far?

We don't have sex. She won't let me touch her even in a friendly way. She doesn't want to be in the house with me. She is only staying because she doesn't want me to have the kids. I know my wife and I believe she has no feelings left for me. I am beginning to believe that if I go any further then she will never forgive me. If I expose more the affair may end, but I don't think I will keep my family whole.

Outrage and embarrasment on her part. She feels I have crossed a line and violated her privacy when I informed her parents and that I had no right to do so. She says I contradict myself when I tell her what she is doing is wrong and painful

His family and hers believe I need to let her go so she can be happy. They won't tell her to not have the affair even though they don't agree with it in principle. They ask why I would want to stay with someone who has wronged me so much.

My family supports my decision because they love me. They don't think it's a good idea, but they'll go along with it. They will support me no matter what regardless of their own feelings about it and they always have. They do not believe it would be wise to expose.