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Please stop disrupting this thread. Stay on topic and help the poster or kindly refrain from posting.

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Originally Posted By: Bellevue
Wonderful news.

By the way, the trinity concept is a difficult one and has to be accepted as a mystery, but as your wife has renounced the conversion out of Catholicism, your recovery is closer. Very happy for your family. hurray


Thank you, Bellevue! I explained to her that the concept is a mystery of faith even to the doctors of the Church, who explain it so well. Thank you for your insights.

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Originally Posted By: BetrayedP
My 2 cents. the bible says if u have an unbelieving spouse, u need not say anything to them. Just live a christian life, the way God commands and it will be easy for her to come around. And they'll know we are christians by our love


We have a cross in our house that has inscribed on it the verse from John 13: 35. "By this all men will know know they you are my disciples: If you love one another."

I do agree that the example of faith that is set has far more impact than words or efforts to nudge her back. Thank you.

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I heard your call today.
I would not follow Harley's advice and I would run from your ex wife. That's my opinion.

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The letter I wrote to Dr. Harley regarding my wife's faith was answered on his radio program today.

Here is a link: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/radio/radio.html

This link will only work for 1/22/13. After that, you'll have to find it in the archives.

In my letter to Dr. Harley I shared the history with him, including the affairs, the implementation of marriage builders principles, and our recovery. I ended with a question about her conversion.

He and Joyce both expressed delight in the recovery of the marriage since the EP's, POJA, and Radical Honesty were conditions of reconciliation. He did not mention anything about us living together unmarried (I did mention that we are going to be re-marrying very soon.) His advice was for me to NOT forbid my wife to be a Muslim, but to learn more about the faith and engage her in respectful discussions. Respectful persuasion was the term he used. He felt that her conversion was from the heart and was not a residual property of the affair, and that I should not let it be a trigger. He went so far as to say that in a mixed marriage, the kids should be exposed to both religions and given the choice when they become old enough. He said that there is an 80% chance that she will return to her Catholic faith.

So there you have it. Dr. Harley's "prescriptions" are often counter-intuitive. This one is for sure. I'm going to strongly consider his advice. I will probably accept it, but I want to give myself 24 hours to think it over. My wife has already told me that there are many Muslim beliefs that she doesn't believe, so it may be moot anyway. One thing is certain: I will not allow my two daughters to be reverted to Islam while they are minors. I can't go along with that program. My wife has told me that she doesn't want them to be Muslim anyway.

I am curious to see my wife's response. She hasn't listened to the program yet.

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He also encouraged you to attend mosque.
Do you intend to do that?
This is where you should listen to your bishop and ask him if he feel you should attend mosque.
I would NOT expose my kids to Muslim nor have anything to do with **EDIT**

Last edited by CicadaMB; 01/23/13 12:15 PM. Reason: TOS: disrespect
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In fact if you attended mosque and prayed with them you may be subject to Church discipline.
They deny the HolyTrinity and as such do not pray to the Christian God but a false one

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Well......I agree with Dr. Harley.

Use respectful discussion and learn more about the muslim faith.

Knowledge about other faiths is bridge building. To not only your wife but all of humanity.







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You have a choice.
Stay within the faith and not follow MB (refuse to raise children Muslim and refuse to deny the Church and doctrines); this will be a love buster as he explained on the program

OR

Deny the faith and study Islam, attend mosque etc and save your marriage.

I just encourage you to remember the words of our Savior: If you deny me before men on earth I will deny you before my Father in heaven.

I've been thinking about you all day. I'm really sorry this has happened.

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A Christian can learn about other faiths and still not 'deny' their own.







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Jedi,

Thank you for your concern.

I am in no danger of converting to Islam. I am and will always be true to my Catholic faith.

But I don't hold the belief that those in other faiths are doomed to damnation.

By the way, it was through prayer that my wife claims she was directed away from her affair partner and back to her marriage.

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The Word of God is sharper than any two edged sword

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Originally Posted By: black_raven
Have you taken any steps to protect yourself and your children should your exWW decide to divorce again?


Maybe I'm on ignore but I'll ask again...are you requiring any sort of pre-nup to safeguard your finances and custody?

How old are your DDs?


BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011




Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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A reminder to posters that the purpose of our board is to discuss and learn Marriage Builders concepts. If you disagree with a part of Dr. Harley's approach, the place to discuss it is not on the thread of another poster seeking help with their marriage.


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Originally Posted By: black_raven
Originally Posted By: black_raven
Have you taken any steps to protect yourself and your children should your exWW decide to divorce again?


Maybe I'm on ignore but I'll ask again...are you requiring any sort of pre-nup to safeguard your finances and custody?

How old are your DDs?


I will not be doing a prenup. My girls are 10 and 13 years old.

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Here's a radio clip about MB working with different cultures.

Radio Clip on MB Working with Different Cultures


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Well the challenge is that she is not a different culture.
Her affair partner was.
She just did whatever she could to please him.

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Here's another radio clip about converting to Islam during an affair also being a trigger.
Radio Clip


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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Update:

I gave up the Internet for Lent, so I have been away for the past few weeks. In that time, my ex wife and I remarried. We had a small ceremony in which we renewed our vows. Only our two daughters and my step dad were there. It was intimate and special. We are both so happy and so grateful that we have a second chance at marriage and this opportunity to save our family. Our children are too, of course.

We continue to follow the MB plan, and we have noticed that the most important thing for our relationship is to get in our 15 hours of time together alone. When we put in the time and have dates, the feelings of love and connectedness are empowered.

I still suffer through triggers and the anger is still there, but my wife has done all that she has been asked to atone. For almost two years her affair was a complete mystery to me. I now know everything that happened. Till the very end, he wanted to marry her. He is a millionaire so she walked away from a lot of money...but also a lifetime of grief. He is not a good catch in spite of his means.

The religion issue is big, and I will never happily accept her conversion to Islam. But as Dr. Harley says in the radio program linked by BrainHurts, one cannot control the faith of another. She must be free to follow her beliefs, and I cannot force her to leave Islam. I will not pressure her. Islam will always be a trigger, but I also believe that she is sincere in her new-found faith. It no longer has anything to do with the POSOM. (There has been no contact since she left him in early December.)

BrainHurt,thanks for the link. Dr. Harley and Joyce were referring to me and my wife in that clip. The person who wrote to them had listened to the show where my situation was discussed, and she had a hard time with Dr. Harley's advice.

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That's an inspiring update. I'm truly happy for you and your wife. Just don't stop using the concepts in your marriage.

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