I'm not around her enough. I don't think she would be very open to right now anyway.

I don't think that would be productive. She is in the withdrawal stage of marriage and you just need to keep plan A and hopefully she will eventually move into the conflict stage.
Be prepared because it will get a lot WORSE before it gets better.
When she does start commiting love busters use the skills you learned so you don't loose your temper. Have a plan in place for when it happens. Such as, "If she starts yelling at me I will..."

I just finished reading Buyers Renters Freeloaders and Harley says if you were ever in an abusive relationship then you were both renters.
She is probably a renter, as you were.
You have to get her to the marital state of intimacy before she can decide if she wants to be a buyer.

I'm trying hard to be patient, still rereading everything and trying to better myself. Some days I can find hope, others I can't.

Are you connected to a good church?

I just started going to church with some friends. It's been along time since I've gone. Kids are going too.

That's great.
Since you work the swing shift you may not be able to go wednesday nights.
They usually have a Bible study wed and Sunday night.

It's a good place to meet good men that can become friends and support you

This church has a support group for people going through divorce. I haven't joined it yet.

bnmt, you should join it. I joined the group at my church and it was so helpful emotionally. One day I was on the forum posting about it and I just decided to go that evening. Best thing I did for myself. You know the saying misery likes company... well it's true. But somehow company makes you less miserable

To quote Boris, from Lady and the Tramp...

"Miserable being must find more miserable being. Then, is happy."

I too think it's to do with having company. Having people around who suffer as you do gives you all a rock of sorts to help support you.

Had a nice breakfast with my wife this morning at Bob Evans. Didn't talk about us at all. I enjoyed it very much, being able to look her in the eyes and see her smile made my entire day. I'm trying not to read too much into it, but at least its something.

Now I'm not sure what to do next. Id love to ask her to dinner or for a glass of wine but I dont want to push her away either. She has the kids this weekend so I just sit here and think about all of them. Everything I'm missing out on. Everyday I remind myself what a fool i was to screw this up.

Don't ask her out. I would call and talk to her at night and text throughout the day if she is receptive. Try to go see a movie with the kids or do some family activities. Engage her in intimate conversation without LBs and relationship talk. Have you completed your anger management and parenting classes?! Local YMCA or Salvation Army could hl you get those classes for free. You should take a financial class as well would be good to have. if I recall correctly you and your wife argued about money.

I'm starting to really wonder if she is seeing someone. I know at this point it really isn't any of my business, but it worries me.

I really don't know how much more of this I have in me. I try to tell myself everyday that its worth it if we can reconcile and restructure our marriage. The longer this goes on the more I doubt she is going to let that happen. She said she would feel like a fool for trying again, I'm starting to feel like a fool waiting for something that will probably never happen.

I still love her very much. I miss her and the kids constantly. I still can't believe I didn't see all of that when I had it. I had the world by the [censored] and I gave it away.

I picked out something nice for her for valentines day. Probably foolish of me, but I did it anyway. I called her best friend to get her opinion and now my wife thinks I'm trying to get info out of her friend. I can't win. Even when something is innocent I get accused of conspiracy. Like I said, I don't know how much longer I can do this.

You're still married and if she is seeing someone then it's still an affair.

Have you done some snooping? Hired a PI?

No, I came right out and asked her. She said she wasnt. I sure hope not.

I've looked at the phone records but for all i know she has a track phone. Thats about as much snooping as i can do.

Have your kids noticed anything?

Im not going to ask the kids. Our relationship is finally on the right track. I guess I'll just have to have faith. Just getting harder and harder to do.

bnmt, I had/have an abusive/wayward husband. Right now things are the same more or less between us. He wants to come back already, but he has no clue about MB principles. He is even dragging his foot on completing the plan B tasks I gave him. We've been separated 8 mths only the past 6 weeks or so has he come to his senses as he was in an affair that ruined all our lives way worse than his abuse, as I hadn't reached to the end of that rope yet.

This is my advice. Your wife is probably still considering being married to you as she hasn't gone ahead and filed yet.... Plan to remain separated for some time yet. It will take a long time to convince her you've changed. Actually it will take a long time to convince yourself. You need opportunities to demonstrate that you've changed. During separation you haven't had any situations that have made you really angry yet right?

Write your wife a love letter. Reminisce about old times and apologize for treating her like such a jack@ss. Do not include any BUTS or any justifications, explanations or rationalizations for your behaviour. DO praise your wife immensely for putting up with your bull crap for so long. Propose a fixed period of separation at least one year long, to end somewhere on a significant date eg your anniversary. Ask your wife if she would allow you to court her again, i.e ask her on dates etc. Ask her for a chance to PROVE that you've changed. If you can, include your certificate from AM class and any other course you took. Ask her for a commitment of one year with no pressure. If she decides she doesn't want you back after one year then so be it. Also make it clear that she is free to reject your proposal.

I hope that she will agree. You can use the time to plan A your socks off. I am hoping that you will be the case study I'm looking for to give me hope for my WH.

If she rejects your proposal, my advice would be to back off. You've plan A'd a little maybe she would miss the attention and change her mind.