|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
This program will be of no avail to you until and unless your husband stops drinking. Recovery is impossible unless your husband gets treatment for his alcoholism. The only reason I am telling you to go into Plan B is so you can protect yourself from him. But you need to file for divorce so you will be legally protected.
I doubt he will ever stop drinking so the benefit will be that you end up divorced.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
He 56/Me 53. Married 25 years in 9/12. 23 y/o daughter living at home in mother in law apt. Came to MB 7 years when he had 1st affair. Status of this affair...Living with her...complicated. What was your posting name 7 years ago?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
He 56/Me 53. Married 25 years in 9/12. 23 y/o daughter living at home in mother in law apt. Came to MB 7 years when he had 1st affair. Status of this affair...Living with her...complicated. I would file for divorce so you have legal protection and go into Plan B. In your plan B, one of your conditions would have to be that he never drinks again and attends some type of outpatient alcoholism treatment program, such as AA. Otherwise, there is nothing to save. And unless he has made a dramatic and radical change in his life by the time the divorce is final, you will be better off divorced. In your situation, divorce would be the best outcome. yes, definitely file. this will protect you financially and show you mean business.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
If he makes a remarkable and DRAMATIC change by stopping drinking, getting treatment and committing to all of the necessary conditions to recover a marriage you could drop the divorce. Will he quit drinking if you ask him?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Dr Harley states in this article that the alcoholism has to be arrested FIRST before marital recovery can ever begin: One of the first things I do when couples see me for counseling is to evaluate them for drug and alcohol addiction. If I feel that either is addicted at the time, I refer the addicted spouse to a treatment program. The Love Buster, drug or alcohol addiction, will prevent them from resolving their marital conflicts because it controls them. It must be eliminated before marital therapy has any hope of being successful.
My job as a marriage counselor begins after successful treatment and sobriety. If the addicted spouse refuses treatment, then I direct the unaddicted spouse to Alanon or some other support group for spouses of alcoholics. Sometimes, I encourage an intervention.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
NC, i have to go out now for a while. i'll be back later. work on those things in the meantime, ok?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Im out till tomorrow...THANK YOU TO ALL 
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
I encourage you to attend an AlAnon Meeting.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 11,239 |
The problem is that you have NO control over his behavior.you can only control your behavior.
You did great by kicking him out.
You are in a co-dependent relationship and probably have enabled his drinking for years.
AlAnon can help you learn to not enable his drinking; they will give you tools to emotionally disconnect from your husband in a loving manner
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,232 |
i'm off on holiday for the next 5 days, NC, but you have melodylane posting in your thread. she's the best! whatever she says, do it, and you'll be right.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Again, hes never said he wants to come back but little quips...I just dont think I can take him back...besides images...Hes let her email me and speak to me in his presence in a very "nasty" manner and on and on
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
I would go into Plan B, file for divorce and go to Alanon.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Guess I have to relearn..What is Plan B please
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Where in all the information do I find these abbreviations you use?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,449 Likes: 4
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 20,449 Likes: 4 |
Where in all the information do I find these abbreviations you use?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Thank you..What is Plan B
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33 |
Ok So plan B...Dont see why I need to do that when he hasnt said he wants to come back...But I get it.
|
|
|
Moderated by Ariel, BerlinMB, Denali, Fordude, IrishGreen, MBeliever, MBsurvivor, MBSync, McLovin, Mizar, PhoenixMB, Toujours
|
1 members (still seeking),
201
guests, and
75
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
