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Sound advice BNMT. Wish you luck in your plan. I think you have a good shot!
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I've been better. I'm afraid I haven't followed advice very well and I keep pushing her away from me. Now I'm trying to leave her alone so she can get herself straightened out. Her nerves and stress level are very high. I keep trying to convince her to try again that together we can make this work.
I know shes been reading this thread, I've tried to encourage her to join the forum and put her point of view on here. I really doubt she will. She doesn't realize how much help is on here.
Right now I just sit here alone wishing I was with my family and hoping she'll open her heart to me.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Are you commiting Love busters?
As long as you don't commit love busters and are nice to her things will
Improve.
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I have commited some love busters. I lost my temper one night which just shows me just how much work I have to do yet. I cant beleive I was that stupid again.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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If your wife were to come here she would be advised to enter into a plan B until you learned how to control your anger.
What did you loose your temper about?
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What are you doing here if you're not going to follow the advice?!!!!  If your wife is reading here I would definitely encourage her to go into plan B and not communicate with you at all. I know how emotionally draining it is to be with an abuser. Fix yourself first.
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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I have been working on myself, hard. I took my oldest daughter to get her drivers license, after that I sat around thinking of all the things I was missing out on with my family. As good as I was doing at controlling myself I let myself get angry that day about the whole situation I've put myself in. I already told her we needed to limit our contact, partly for her but a lot for me to start over on myself. I believe she is going to file sometime next week. I hope she reconsiders.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Dr Harley told you that if you eliminate lover busters and make deposits then you can win her back over time.
But you don't answer the question. What exactly did you do?
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I was being demanding and disrespectful as far as how things were going to be if we stayed on this path. She filed for divorce yesterday s. I can't say I blame her. Ive been very desperate to show her how things could be for us and all I've done is drive her away.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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You may want to read the book Lovebusters again.
Divorce takes several months
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I already got it back out. The problem is I'm not sure if I want this anymore. I'm still reading it because I obviously need to.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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I already got it back out. The problem is I'm not sure if I want this anymore. I'm still reading it because I obviously need to. You can only control yourself. Fix what needs to be fixed. Work on you. MB can you teach you to be a better person if you adapt the concepts.
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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I was being demanding and disrespectful as far as how things were going to be if we stayed on this path. So you still claim you want to change, but what you practice is....... more of the same. She filed for divorce yesterday s. I can't say I blame her.. But you DO blame her, don't you? She still won't let you control her, and it infuriates you. Ive been very desperate to show her how things could be for us and all I've done is drive her away. She see's nothings different in your heart.... No matter how hard you try to disguise it, she see's right through you. It's still all about you.
Recovery began 10/07;
Meeting my wife's EN's is my "thank you" that refuses to be silenced.
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You're right Papabear. I can't argue with you. I do want to change. I felt I had. But I slipped right back into my old ways. I have no excuses. I tried to get her to do things on my time instead of on her time.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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So where do I go from here? I still love her and still want us to work things out. I just don't know what to do next.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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Sir you can only control yourself.
So that is where you focus.
Self improvement. As you self improve you will become more attractive to you lr wife.
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I just wish I would quit tripping over myself in the process
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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I had my kids tonight, I love seeing them and spending time with them, It's like a knife through my heart when they have to leave. I've really limited my contact with my wife. I feel like I was just making her resent me more. God I miss my wife and family. I still can't believe how stupid I was taking everyone, everything, and every little moment for granted. I still pray everyday that she'll give me that chance that I don't deserve.
I wish I could turn back time....
Cher
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What are you doing in the way of anger management courses?
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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