Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
I have been dating a guy for 3 months. He is very affectionate, but I have been frustrated with our lack of conversation and he isn't very open with his feelings. He has told me he loves me though. So, this morning I talked with him about my emotional need for conversation. I don't know if I should hang in with this relationship?

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Shirl, I would keep dating until you find a guy who does a great job of meeting your needs. This one has failed the test.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
He meets one of my needs and I didn't realize that conversation and honesty and openess was a great need until now, I just don't feel emotionaly connected. He is willing to read the material about it, I just don't know if this is the way he is or he can change. He did say that this was an issue in his marriage.

Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 29
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 29
If he did say it was an issue in his marriage, it is, better listen to him. Let him read the material and make changes if he wants to..it takes time for people to change.

I would move on and date other people who meets more needs, not just 1. I like affection but communication and openness are higher priority to me, particularly in the very early stages of getting to know a person. I have higher boundaries about physical demonstration of affection because it can be weakness to me. And I am clear about that to men I date, he has to be at same page.



Married/97.
No kids.
husband addictions
Separated/06
husband affair
Divorce/07.
back dating/12.
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
M
Member
Member
M Offline
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985
Likes: 1
Originally Posted by shirl7777
He meets one of my needs and I didn't realize that conversation and honesty and openess was a great need until now, I just don't feel emotionaly connected. He is willing to read the material about it, I just don't know if this is the way he is or he can change. He did say that this was an issue in his marriage.

Find someone to whom you feel emotionally connected. You don't just stop at the first candidate. Dr Harley suggests dating at least 30 people and choosing the one who does the best job of meeting your needs.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Thank you for the advice. How do you end a relationship, what do you say in the nicest way? Or do I still see him, but say I'm going to date others, I'm just unsure how to proceed now.

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
Originally Posted by shirl7777
Thank you for the advice. How do you end a relationship, what do you say in the nicest way? Or do I still see him, but say I'm going to date others, I'm just unsure how to proceed now.

The best way is the honest way. Tell him that after three months, you have learned that he is not the right match for you, and that there is no sense to continue the relationship. Thank him for his time, wish him well, and move on. I don't see the point of continue to date him while seeing others, that sounds icky.

AGG


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Than you. It is hard for me to do that, because he is trying and willing to change, so I think I should wait to see if it gets any better before ending it. Any thoughts about that?

Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
A
Member
Member
A Offline
Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
That's something only you can decide. If you think that he can work on getting you to become "emotionally connected" to him, and everything else about him is great, then sure, give it a try. But if your only reason to continue is that you already invested three months, then that is not a good reason to continue a relationship where you don't feel connected. There are plenty of people out there with whom you can feel emotionally connected, I would not waste too much of my time trying to build a connection where it does not exist.

AGG


Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
S
Junior Member
Junior Member
S Offline
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 10
Thanks, for replying. It's hard to break up with someone that loves you, I don't want to hurt him, but I think I am leaning on breaking up soon.


Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 617 guests, and 57 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
kims11, rossini, Michael Thomas, Vallation, smmworldpanael
72,010 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Spying husband arrested
by coooper - 06/24/25 09:19 AM
My wife wants a separation
by Benjamin Roberts - 06/24/25 01:54 AM
Annulment reconsideration help
by Oren Velasquez - 06/16/25 08:26 PM
Roller Coaster Ride
by happyheart - 06/10/25 04:10 PM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,623
Posts2,323,511
Members72,011
Most Online6,102
3 hours ago
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Site Navigation
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 8.0.0