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Joined: Aug 2007
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Joined: Aug 2007
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I have been dating a guy for 3 months. He is very affectionate, but I have been frustrated with our lack of conversation and he isn't very open with his feelings. He has told me he loves me though. So, this morning I talked with him about my emotional need for conversation. I don't know if I should hang in with this relationship?
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Shirl, I would keep dating until you find a guy who does a great job of meeting your needs. This one has failed the test.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Joined: Aug 2007
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He meets one of my needs and I didn't realize that conversation and honesty and openess was a great need until now, I just don't feel emotionaly connected. He is willing to read the material about it, I just don't know if this is the way he is or he can change. He did say that this was an issue in his marriage.
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Joined: Oct 2012
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If he did say it was an issue in his marriage, it is, better listen to him. Let him read the material and make changes if he wants to..it takes time for people to change.
I would move on and date other people who meets more needs, not just 1. I like affection but communication and openness are higher priority to me, particularly in the very early stages of getting to know a person. I have higher boundaries about physical demonstration of affection because it can be weakness to me. And I am clear about that to men I date, he has to be at same page.
Married/97.
No kids.
husband addictions
Separated/06
husband affair
Divorce/07.
back dating/12.
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Joined: Apr 2001
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He meets one of my needs and I didn't realize that conversation and honesty and openess was a great need until now, I just don't feel emotionaly connected. He is willing to read the material about it, I just don't know if this is the way he is or he can change. He did say that this was an issue in his marriage. Find someone to whom you feel emotionally connected. You don't just stop at the first candidate. Dr Harley suggests dating at least 30 people and choosing the one who does the best job of meeting your needs.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Thank you for the advice. How do you end a relationship, what do you say in the nicest way? Or do I still see him, but say I'm going to date others, I'm just unsure how to proceed now.
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Joined: Nov 2000
Posts: 4,345
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Thank you for the advice. How do you end a relationship, what do you say in the nicest way? Or do I still see him, but say I'm going to date others, I'm just unsure how to proceed now. The best way is the honest way. Tell him that after three months, you have learned that he is not the right match for you, and that there is no sense to continue the relationship. Thank him for his time, wish him well, and move on. I don't see the point of continue to date him while seeing others, that sounds icky. AGG
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Than you. It is hard for me to do that, because he is trying and willing to change, so I think I should wait to see if it gets any better before ending it. Any thoughts about that?
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Joined: Nov 2000
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That's something only you can decide. If you think that he can work on getting you to become "emotionally connected" to him, and everything else about him is great, then sure, give it a try. But if your only reason to continue is that you already invested three months, then that is not a good reason to continue a relationship where you don't feel connected. There are plenty of people out there with whom you can feel emotionally connected, I would not waste too much of my time trying to build a connection where it does not exist.
AGG
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Joined: Aug 2007
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Thanks, for replying. It's hard to break up with someone that loves you, I don't want to hurt him, but I think I am leaning on breaking up soon.
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