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Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 13
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Junior Member
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 13 |
I have been doing plan A for about a year. My husband then began another affair. I began prep for total exposure and plan B.
But...I'm done. I don't see any chance for recovery. I don't want to go through hell and highwater for something that can't be saved. I know it CAN be saved, but I don't see it ever being GOOD again. Even when I thought it was good, I now know that it wasn't on his end. I know GOD can do it. Frankly, I don't think my husband can ever make our marriage enough of a priority to put the time and effort in to save it.
Plan B is still in place. I wrote the letter. I told him about non-contact and he agreed. But I am mainly going through it this way for sake of kids and because at end of plan B, I will (God willing) not be as bone-crushingly-painfully in love with him as I am now.
Has anyone else been here???
ME: BS
DH: WS
1st M for both, M 13.5 years
2 DD
Plan A begun 12/2011, Plan B begun 1/2013
"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." Phillippians 4:13
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
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Yep. I went straight to plan divorce though. It was not my xhs first affair and he also could not be bothered to make his family priority.
It has been almost 4 years since D Day. I am remarried now to a good man. There is light at the end of that tunnel.
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,708
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You are following a good plan.
Plan B will help you 'withdraw' from your intense and deep love for him.
The first three stanzas of this song by Stevie Nicks describes plan B well:
Storm
Every night that goes between
I feel a little less
As you slowly go away from me
This is only another test
Every night you do not come
Your softness fades away
Did I ever really care that much
Is there anything left to say
Every hour of fear I spend
My body tries to cry
Living through each empty night
A deadly calm inside
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 92,985 Likes: 1 |
Katy, I would probably do the same in your situation, but you shouldn't skip exposing the affair. You will dearly regret it when your H lies about why you are getting divorced.
Don't keep this a secret, unless you want to be facing OW at your kids functions. Tell everyone about the affair, especially your kids. They need to know exactly why their family is breaking up.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 6,108
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Posts: 6,108 |
Katy, I would probably do the same in your situation, but you shouldn't skip exposing the affair. You will dearly regret it when your H lies about why you are getting divorced.
Don't keep this a secret, unless you want to be facing OW at your kids functions. Tell everyone about the affair, especially your kids. They need to know exactly why their family is breaking up. x 100
BW - me
exWH - serial cheater
2 awesome kids
Divorced 12/2011
Many a good man has failed because he had a wishbone where his backbone should have been.
We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face... we must do that which we think we cannot.
--------Eleanor Roosevelt
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Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 2,964 Likes: 1
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Posts: 2,964 Likes: 1 |
Katy,
Do the exposure, while it might not stop the affair right now, it has a good chance of dealing it a death blow in the long term.
It will also free you from the reverse punishment that we usually see, where the BS keeps this horrible secret for the rest of their lives and suffers in silence having no one to confide in. It's no different from reporting a strong arm robbery to the police.
God Bless
Gamma
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
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Posts: 2,780 |
I agree expos� even if you are going to divorce him. I did. I am very happy that I did. I told OW's BH, her parents, a second OW's (my cousin) BH, and my then 9 yo son.
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Joined: May 2009
Posts: 2,780
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Katy I just realized you are the same poster I was reading about in SAA.
Exposure was a little different for me since I knew I was divorcing him, but I still wanted people to know WHY we were divorcing.....sure enough he tried telling a friend from high school we just didn't get along.
I am sorry you are going through this.
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