Actually, targeting as many people as possible is VERY effective because you have no idea who will have the greatest influence. The more people who know, the better. The more people who know, the more times the OP has to "explain" herself. Most OPs won't want the trouble.

I have heard Dr Harley discussing FB exposure on his radio show -- he seemed to support it and commented that it has been effective for forum members. Which it has.

The only problem is the possibility of being locked out of the system, which is why people have recently started getting told to expose to the more important targets first (IE dad, mom, and so forth.)

I THINK that spacing them 60 seconds apart eliminates the problem. The ones who have been locked out and usually able to get back in fairly quickly.

OW has approx 90 friends on FB. Most are either family, inlaws, former coworkers...subordinates, old bosses....very few of our peers which is interesting.

I am going to my sisters to do exposure as its impossible here with H glued to my side. I am also thinking I will set up a second FB page using slight variation on my name and sister can use second computer to help.

She is also researching for polygraph for me.

OW FB friends who are coworkers will imo spread the story to a network of hundreds of other people in our former workplace. It was/is a toxic incestuous mess of a place that thrives on this kind of stuff. The story will be spread coast to coast in a few days.

I also sent pm FB messages to OW BH and his brother. Couldnt do that until this am, so no response yet.

In other news, the side other OW who sent H a friend request....I blocked her on his page and impulsively send her a friend request from my page. Unbelievably, she accepted lol. Brazen witch. Not sure what to do with her.

Also....one concern I have...my expsosure will get back to son who still works where we worked. Should I give him a heads up. He does not like OW, but not sure how he will take what I am going to do.

Re H FB, OW are blocked and I changed his password so he cant get into it. I told him. I dont want to shut it down until after I expose. I want to see what shakes out from that...specifically who contacts him to "let him know what I am doing" or other non supportive stuff.

Janna

Sounds like a plan! I would not tell your son until it is over.

If your husband logs into facebook from his phone, you might want to remove that app -- or definitely log him off of it - then change his password.

Have you called him at his company again? Leave him another voicemail and then have the receptionist page him...keep trying.

If your husband is underfoot, go to the store for an extended period if you need privacy on the phone.

Janna, another way to reach the OW's husband is to send him a certified letter telling him about the affair.

OR........it just ocurred to me that you might be able to get his email address from his company website. Look for other email addresses and see how they are patterned. From that, you should be able to figure it out. If not, call the receptionist at his company and say "Joe Blow asked me to email him something but I think I wrote it down wrong, can you verify this email address?" And if it is wrong, she will give you the correct one.

I havent updated in a while, but yesterday learned some or all of attempts to contact OW BH worked.

As I was having coffee yesterday am WH snipped at me re "What am I doing on the computer all day the day before and why had I changed my email password." Ha....doesnt feel so good to be suspicious does it.

Anyway, reminded him I had to change pw because someone hacked account and sent out diet ads to my contacts.

A few days previously he had responded to comments I made about OW BH with "why are you so intrigued with him" and to other comments re things I saw on FB with "this FB stuff is disturbing". Later he said he was subtly trying to find out what I was doing, but it was about as subtle as a ton of bricks. Was pretty sure OW had told him I contacted BH who has never responded to any of my contacts.

So anyway, after his snooping and quizzing me got him nothing, he went back to bed in a snit. Few minutes later I followed him and said whats this all about. He got back up and eventuallly, seeing he wasnt giving anything up I asked him if he had talked to OW.

He first said no. I said dont believe she hasnt contacted you since Dec. He finally caved and said she left VM he didnt answer and then second urgent VM telling him I contacted her BH and what was I doing.

Her "VM" told him all the contacts I made. That he wasnt mad at her and he had nothing to say anyway because he talked to old girlfriends. He was upset I "got through his security"..and how smart I must be to do that. Huh?

The receptionist put me through and I used Melody Lanes suggestion to get company's email format and put his name in like that. Thanks!!

Bunch of other stuff....way too much stuff for a VM. Told my H that. "No, she ticked it off 1,2,3." He said she was spitting mad to which I responded "Why if BH not upset?"

Anyway, I let this go on for a while. Let him think it was over then hit him again. This time it was 2 VM's to cover everything. Sometimes my H is really stupid for such a smart man lol. Finally he caved... and admitted he talked to her.

She just "wanted to give him a heads up that I contacted her BH" all the stuff above and she was the "maddest I've ever heard her." Again, why if BH not mad which I pointed out to him is just spin IMO to keep me from calling him.

Not sure why he didnt respond. Although, my sense of him is that he is wayward or formerly himself or maybe she just pitched a fit and he was afraid to call. Dunno.

The wierd thing is that my H is lying to me about when he talked to her which makes no sense. A new number showed up on his phone which is hers Im 99% and after sleeping on it, makes sense. She was using a work cell before and now that shes retired its a personal number.

He told me he didnt tell me because it was the day before he had a medical procedure and he didnt want to have a big fight because he was already stressed over the procedure which is true. Still makes no sense because he actually talked to her 3 days before that.

I asked him what he told her and he said "told you I wouldnt contact her anymore and "this" wasnt doing either one of them any good." I.E. no contact "in his own way" lol...not good enough.

Oh, she also said, "when is this going to end".....meaning me contacting her H. Silly twit.

Also, asked him if "everything was OK." Per H it was like she wanted me to do something about it all, but I told her I had to go. She apparently screamed at him in the original VM to "get your W under control." lol.

I had to delay the FB exposure for a number of reasons, but that has worked out better because now my timing is that it will all hit as she walks into a luncheon involving many of the people who will be exposed to.

Finally, she posted on FB in response to her sister that she cant wait for her visit which is a few hours away from us. I think she is trying to F with my head but so what. She and her H have been conspicuously absent from FB compared to before so Im guessing its not as peachy keen as she tried to make it sound to my H.

Its really bugging me why H is lying about the date he talked to her. Anyway, he was not all that upset. His main concern was what I said about him lol. They really are ridiculous.

Now to steel myself for exposure. Im surprised she didnt call me like last time I contacted her H, but really she has nothing to threaten me with.

Janna

This is one smelly, steaming load of crapola!

He did not tell you because he KNEW he was being bad.

Honestly, is he 5 years old?

Carry on ....... strength & courage.

My opinion:

When speaking to WH, never refer to OW by her first name. Always refer to her as "Bill's wife". (whatever his first name is)
Never refer to their relationship as "Your affair".
Always refer to it as "Your adultery".

You are stating facts. You are not stating your opinion.
It's more difficult for the infidels to justify themselves to themselves when the facts are properly stated.

Yes, thats true. When I pressed him later on this, he added that he was really pissed off at me for contacting her BH...so mad he almost packed up and left. He was also afraid we would get into a huge fight and I wouldnt drive him for the procedure. You cant go alone because anesthesia is involved. He didnt know who else to call to drive him and explain why I wouldnt lol. He is terrified of this procedure as well and under a lot of stress anticipating etc.

Whatever, I knew she would call him and he would talk to her. The upside of that is I have her new number in case she keeps calling and I learned that my contacts to her BH got through for whatever good that does. This is a man who either followed her or had her followed until he got a pic of her and my WH kissing, but now doesnt care enough to call me to find out what I know about them talking again.

She did tell WH that he was going to add me as his FB friend until she told him "What, are you crazy?"

I'm still bugged by why hes lying about the date he talked to her. The only thing I can think of is to make me confront him with proof. Hes still not sure if I do or dont have access to this info from his phone records or if I told him I figured it out from the inappropriateness of her contacting son.

He stuck by this story vigorously other than saying he could be off one day. He also wasnt exhibiting the tells he usually does when he lies. Maybe he simply has it mixed up. He has a bad memory even about routine stuff. Anyway, its not important enough to give up my source.

If he got mad enough to leave over this, not boding well for exposure.

Janna

I understand the power of linguistics, but it seems really silly not to call her by her name when I also have known her for 20 years. I'll try it.

Also, I could have sworn Melody Lane told me to call it Affair as opposed to relationship/friendship. Why does it matter affair or adultery?

Thanks for chiming in.

Janna

So....if he does get so mad he starts packing to leave when I expose, what should I do.

Try to calm him down or just let him go? Keep in mind the only place he has to go here is a hotel and the only other option is to drive back to our other house which is only a few miles from OW.

I really dont think I should just stand by and let that happen.

Janna

Why haven't you gone into Plan B?

Hi there JannaBella. Just know that he WILL get angry. He doesn't want the embarrassment, shame and consequences that come along with people knowing the truth in what he has done. He will get angry!! Remember, you are at war against this OW and his addiction to her. Can you imagine how quickly they will reconnect if you don't fight this war? This isn't about his feelings, it is about saving your marriage, if at all possible. I have read quite a few times, other betrayed spouses posting on here what if he/she leaves b/c, etc... The responses are always let him go and get yourself into plan B. That is because YOU can't control him, what he wants, how he feels or what he does. You can only control yourself, and most importantly, you NEED to protect yourself and heal yourself from all of this. Plan B serves quite a few purposes. Since you can't control his choice to leave, then you can control how you are going to move forward with the rest of your life. I know that all seems so scary, but he will feel the pinch of the shame and consequences. He will feel the hardship of not having you holding him up and protecting him anymore. This isn't about you "letting" him go to your other house so close to the OW. This is about YOU knowing that you can only control yourself and the outcome of all of this for yourself and that he is going to do whatever he is going to do. He is threatening, hoping you will back down on your boundaries and expectations. DO NOT give in!!! Stay the course Janna.

My thoughts:
You call her "Bill's wife" because she does not deserve to have her name spoken by you.

My thoughts as far as friendship/relationship vs affair/adultery: definitely NEVER refer to it as a friendship or relationship. It is nothing as innocent and fine as either of those things. You could call it an affair and be correct, because that is what it is, but the word 'affair' can have a romantic connotation to some. The word 'adultery' is never romantic and never acceptable in society. There's no romanticizing or dressing that word up.

Yes, you stay at your calmest. Sure, he's going to be pissed. Exposure is NOT in his play book.

You can't force him to stay, and you have no control over where he goes if/when he leaves. You can only control yourself. Stay calm and remind yourself that you are doing everything you can to save your marriage.

FWIW, I don't think he's going anywhere. Or, if he does, it will only be for a day or so - just long enough for his anger to blow out. Most waywards can't keep that emotion going for very long.