That texting needs to stop. Your opening a door to an affair. Does your wife enthusiastically agree with your texting this woman?

Texting an opposite sex friend is inappropriate for a married man.
There is a woman poster on this board whose husband Is in his fifties having sex with the former babysitter ( now grown up and in her early 20s).

You should have no intimate conversations with any member of the opposite sex

I suspect you will respond " it's nothing " and refuse to end it.

She is indifferent to it. Today she txt'd me but we did not discuss any other than martial arts and training. She's like my sister that I never had.

But she's not your sister.
You're a married man

I don't discuss anything intimate with her other than hey how's it going.

Indifferent isn't an enthused agreement. I bet she ignores it because of her cheating. You need to stop it now before resentment builds.

Here is a good example.
Extraordinary Precautions

For a little while, I used to keep in touch by phone or e-mail with a woman whom I hadn't even known for very long, but she was on my church's music team.
We weren't talking about her dissatisfactions with her husband, only about some music we were working on.

Ask me how that turned out.

As GloveOil pointed out, this woman may be meeting your relationship need for recreational companionship via your shared interest in martial arts. And I'm sure you confided in this woman about your problems with FM, just as this woman has been confiding in you regarding her marital problems/pending divorce. For most women, intimate conversation is an extremely important relationship need. By consistently meeting this woman's need for intimate conversation, you have probably been making enormous "love bank deposits" (to use Dr. Harley's terminology). No one but FM should be meeting your relationship needs, and you shouldn't be meeting the relationship needs of any woman other than FM. (Siblings don't meet each other's relationship needs, so you are not interacting with this woman as if she were "the sister you never had.") Frankly, what concerns me the most is the fact that you mentioned this woman shortly after mentioning your vulnerability to a revenge affair.

Some may say this is trying to beat a dead horse deader.

We are not supposed to be insulting to other posters.

Though your statement make me think that your IQ if it could be measured with an IQ Meter the needle would be pegged full to the left. That means a reading of below 0.

Any time soon, I hope means never ever going to happen. These people need to be forever on you and your WW NC list.

With one exception, if the OW breaks NC then CC her BH asking him to tell his WW to maintain NC.

You and this woman haven't discussed your marital problems with each other? If you were only having "hey, how's it going?" conversations with this woman, I can't imagine she would be contacting you as often as she does.

Thanks your for your concern. I've know her since we were babies. She lives in another state and I don't keep in contact like I should have been through out the years. She is my oldest friend and I wasn't being a good friend when she needed one. Every time we see each other my W has been their or my parents. I do have boundaries and I have had to enforce them soo many times with other women so that nothing happens.

This experience has taught me even more so of the importance of boundaries and why they must be present. Don't take this post as I know what I should be doing but I'm not. Having a friend for 30 years is something I won't give up just because she's of the opposite sex. My W agrees with me as we'll.

Please read:

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8119_friends.html

Mr. Aqua,

How often do you and your friend of 30 years talk?

Has your marriage to FM ever been discussed with her?

You know she is extremely vulnerable because she is going through a divorce and you are vulnerable because of FM's affair (perfect RA combo).

As GO stated most people who have A's get into them without even realizing it. Texting, even a childhood friend is dangerous. If you don't want to completely brush her off, I still think the texting should end.

Something else I thought about, have you blocked your friend's wife's number from your phone? This is a MUST!!!!

These are also things that you and FM should be openly discussing with each other.

My H would probably be on your side. In fact he has said the same exact thing that you stated above "I do have boundaries and I have had to enforce them soo many times with other women so that nothing happens."

Still, is your marriage worth the risk?

I think he should cut this woman off she is obviously trying to impede his recovery for an affair. That's the cut and dry. Aqua is breaking EPs they set for recovery. You seemed more concern for her friendship than your wife's feelings. If the shoe was on the foot would you allow your wife to contact and old friend or BF?

She's is showing her support for me with ever I decide and thinks it's great that we are working things out. If my WW had an old guy friend it would probably bother me some. If my friendship with my friend bothers my WW I will stop communication to save my marriage.

That's the thing she is letting you do it to a kid confrontation because of her transgressions. You need to take initiative and see that it is bothering her. That's demonstrating care. Your friend is acting like a single woman and has you in her scope. Plus with your revenge affair argument don't you think that is a little inappropriate to be talking to OS.

I can bet a million bucks your "little sister" has had thoughts of being with you as more than a friend. I learned since I was a teenager there is no such thing as platonic relationship between opposite sex. The fact is as we say here "somebody always toting" I.e. one person is usually harbouring feelings for the other. Wise up.

Busted!! This was before the EPs were established or even before I knew what EP meant. I haven't discussed my marriage with her since. Thank you for keeping me honest. We only recently started texting since the A. I would like to believe that she is concerned about my well being and not having me in her sights. I don't know what's in her heart only God knows.