Merry Christmas to you and Mrs.wle2 also.

I was reading MSS's thread and it dawned on me why I still have such lingering anxiety.

My FWW's A also ended on D-Day. I had geared up for a war that never came.

I had read on MB about how WS would probally react after D-Day but she didn't.

All of our struggles have come in our restoration not their seperation.

I am in no way complaining! 2 Cor. 10:5 is where my battle is now." ...taking every thought captive..."

From reading the threads of other BH's that will be my fight for a long time to come.

I can so relate to what UW posted on Letty's thread about Ws's. My FWW is so thankful to be here with me and wanting to leave this nightmare behind.

I do too, I just don't want to repeat the same mistakes. I read here everyday, I listen to the radio program. I NEVER want a normal marriage.

It is ever on my mind. Always seeking to be a better husband.

It's because of this attitude, WLE, that you and Mrs. WLE WILL be successful!!!

Hope you both had a great Christmas! Happy New Year to you guys - may 2013 be your best year ever!

Thanks SD! Right back at ya! We had an awesome time. Being in a great marriage makes everything better.

My FWW and I have watched the video we ordered from MB several times and she is now commpletly on board with MB to the point of trying to teach our 2 MDD's MB concepts!
Starting 5 steps now that the hoildays are over.

Awesome news! H And I have shared MB with our kids as much as possible. It helps to know our struggles will benefit them.

Has anyone else struggled with O&H about emotions and unmet needs?
I hear a lot about conflict avoidance but nothing about how to kill it. As someone with a golden retriever personality I would rather have a root canal than hurt some one I care about.

Does this new habit of RH get easier with time or will I always have to fight with it? I do know I don't want the old way of life
so I am pushing through it.

I fight the protection lie'r in me daily!

Definitely have struggled with this! It's CRUCIAL, however, that you overcome these tendencies to hold things in! I mentioned on Letty's thread recently how important it was to make new habits in this area. You simply CANNOT have deeper intimacy if you do not share your true feelings! It's the deeper intimacy and closeness that bonds spouses together - and creates the environment that affair-proofs a marriage.

There are lots of ways you can learn to communicate needs and feelings that are productive and positive, rather than negative. In this regard, good communication tools really do help a marriage. You use "I" statements, for instance, instead of "You" which focuses on what you need rather than what the other person is doing wrong. You choose a good time to talk about these things, not when your spouse has a migraine.... There are lots of ways to set it up so that it's a good thing rather than a negative. Practice with small things so that the bigger things come easier later - just like with POJA.

The health of your marriage really does hinge on how RH you are with each other!

I guess compared to the train wreck that not being O&H with each other got us after 30 years, being a little uncomfortable with a new, beneficial habit is not so bad after all.

We just watched the video last week together and Dr. Harley talked about how new habits seem so strange at first but after doing them they become second nature, like the folding of your arms right over left or left over right.

Funny how we each have different struggles with different aspects of the plan. Some things I picked right up without much difficulty . IB I corrected almost effortlessly. RH, This one is a tough one for me.

Use the tools available, wle; regularly review the ENQ and LBQ until sharing it pleasantly and respectfully is a habit.

HHH,
Thanks for reminding me I just printed off copies of all the Questioners to start the 5 Steps hand book.

Sharing it respectfully I can do, pleasantly for her I can do. Pleasant for me... that's been the impasse. I will use the ENQ to help me start the conversation.
Learning to meet her needs has been enjoyable for me. Letting her know mine has been harder. I don't know why. I do know how miserable we both were so I am going to do it.
Trying to replace a bad , destructive habit with a good and beneficial one shouldn't be this hard!
It is a sad commentary on how disconnected FWW and I had gotten over our 30yr. M that I have such reluctance with talking about this with her still.
Well, it is time to "use the tools" and reconnect this part too!

It's all about habits, sir. It doesn't just "get easier," it becomes natural!

I Understand the difference, thanks for the correction!.
I do want to become the H who out of habit just naturally protects and cares for his W and spends time with her.
One who is O&H without even having to consciously think about it.
That's why I come here!
Nothing less than an exceptional marriage will work for us.

FWW and I went out to dinner with a couple of dear friends last night who are in complete support of us and our MR.We had asked them be our witnesses as we signed the agreement at the beginning of the 5 steps hand book.
We are filling out our LBQ's today.
Having the FWW want to work on our MR makes major LB$.
But listening to her explain the MB concepts to our friends last night and how well she was able to explain it to them gave me such a huge LB$ that it felt like Publishers Clearing House had just left!
It is interesting to me how quickly good habits are picked up and getting rid of the bad ones takes more time. It is easy to understand why getting rid of LB's is the 1st thing dealt with in the 5 steps hand book.

Had to tell you guys about the the best day I've had in 17 months.
The FWW and I spent the entire day together in one of our favorite RC's, had a great time .
We got home and after dinner we worked on our LBQ, Waite that's not the best part.
I was lying in bed after SF and it dawned on me.
This is the first time in 17 months that during SF I had no bad thoughts or horrific images popping into my head!
We have been discussing the MB concepts and the light bulb has come on for her.
We are having a hard time with the LBQ because we have almost completely stopped doing them already.
We are having to remember how we used to do most of them.
We still have areas that we know we need to improve, but now at least we are willing to correct them and know how to do it thanks to MB!

FWW felt bad and took a few days off and did not mention it to me when we talked on the phone that morning. Told me at home later that night she had taken the next two days off.
I asked her if she would mind letting me know before she takes any days off. To her credit she said, "This is a trigger for you isn't it? I'm sorry."
FWW used to take off of work to carry out PA. I was clueless.
I left this one out of her EP by mistake. She said that she will get a print out of her time off and let me know in the future before she takes off from work.
The good part is she realized that this was a huge trigger for me on her own. We discussed how we have to eliminate all forms of IB and start new habits.
This is the very LB we are working on 1st in our LBQ!
I needed to refine EP's with her. This one was a HUGE one and I forgot to put it on the list!
Corrected!

wle, I think it is geat that FWW realized it was a trigger and is working to rectify it. Good for her!

So good to read that not only have you had some great days (and nights) together but are learning to self-correct as well!

AWESOME job, WLE and Mrs. WLE!!!
Woo Hoo!!!!