good question. I WILL get the contact info when on monday and call the person to confirm everything they have heard.

Had a long conversation with my mother today. One of many I have had with my family recently. It sucks to be a grown man sobbing because you feel broken and humbled by what you have to do because you know it's right. I am going to my church to ask for assistance. I haven't been to church in over 15 years except for leap day 2004. I am going to be going with my children every week now.

I still have to make child care arrangements. I looked at one place that was perfect; it also cost almost every penny I make each month. I applied for welfare benefits, but those won't kick in for at least 2 weeks if I even qualify, and child care assistance will take 2 weeks to interview and then I get to be on a waitlist if I qualify for that.

I wonder how people make ends meet on full welfare. I just can't see how she thought she would be able to do this on 1/3 of what I earn when I can't see a way to make it work myself. Oh that's right POSOM was going to live with her and my kids and I was going to pay child support and act as babysitter when they were out! Well I'm not financing her lifestyle anymore and to paraphrase NG she can pay to wash her own filthy panties.

Calling your friend's friend to ask questions isn't even close to doing a formal workplace exposure. The exposure must come from you, and it must be in writing. You don't even need to create the letter yourself. There are sample workplace exposure letters on this site. I know you are aware of them because you copied some of them in one of your previous posts. All you have to do is insert your wife and OM's names into a template letter and send it. Is that really too much trouble for you?

And you began this thread more than 2 weeks ago, but you still haven't taken the first step which is to fully expose your wife's affair. It seems like you aren't really looking for MB advice; you are just looking for sympathy.

I think he means he will get contact info and call employer,s HR.

Even if that is what he meant, making a phone call to HR is not a formal workplace exposure.

It warrants switching from 2x4's to perhaps a Nerf bat.

mij, you are not taking this very seriously, are you? All you need to do is use the workplace exposure template and send it certified mail to several people as outlined in the instructions on the Exposure 101 thread.

Spreading gossip among co-workers is not "exposure." And it won't be effective.

Is there a serious reason why you aren't taking a proactive approach to this? You have been here plenty long enough to know how to do this. Why haven't you acted?

Or getting a bigger 2x4!

He has been reading and posting on this board long enough to know what he needs to do, so ignorance of the MB program is not a viable excuse at this point. He isn't following the MB plan because he doesn't want to follow the MB plan. I give up.

It isn't ignorance. It is fear. He has admitted this.

There is nothing we can do if a person chooses to give into the luxury of their fears. Like Harley says, if a person can't put aside their emotions and follow a plan they are unlikely to make it.

Everyone feels fear here. WE can choose to follow the fear or follow the PLAN. The ones who make it follow the PLAN. FEAR leads to nothing but despair and broken marriages.

And this poster is an prime example of what happens when you give in to fear...

BUT, you eventually overcame that fear and followed the plan! Sometimes it is too late, though.

Fear and lack of action in his part is exactly why his WW is on OM number 3.

How many men does your WW have to go through before you do something of substance to help your family?

I was afraid, now I'm angry. Divorce and getting my children away from her is substantial. The kids and child support are all she wants from me. I want my kids to have their real mom. If written is the only acceptable way then written it will be. I thought a phone call would be enough. I'm too tired of keeping her secrets when they go against everything I know to be moral and right. I realize it might be too late, but I've got to live with that if it's so.

I went to church today, I feel empowered that the steps I'm taking to protect my children are right. I found a good upstanding woman today who lives in my neighborhood and runs a daycare out of her home for supplemental income; she was referred to me by the bishop of my church. I'm going to meet with her tomorrow to discuss her watching my daughter. I can do an after-school Y thing for my son.

The restraining order doesn't take her out of the house till the hearing on the 13th, so she's coming home tonight. I took the d***** lock off the door to the office. WW wants to hide stuff she can go elsewhere. This is the house where my family lives there are no secrets here. She wants privacy she can go into the bathroom. Wants to walk around in her underpants go ahead and do it but don't do it in front of me. She doesn't want me to do her laundry I won't. I'm also not financing any more of her excursions to her POSOM's place.

What else do I need to do?

Let's take a quick break and get caught up.

Have you ever exposed this to all family and friends, OM family and friends and the employer in writing?

Have you filed for divorce?

Do you want to save your marriage?

Have you read Surviving an Affair book by Dr Harley?

Have you ever exposed this to all family and friends, OM family and friends and the employer in writing?

all family, our mutual friends, employer tomorrow after speaking with the HR rep., she has disabled her facebook account so can't get to anymore of her friends.

Have you filed for divorce?

yes because I can't have my children exposed to the hurt anymore. hearing on the 12th to remove one of us from the house and give me custody. final would happen in mid march.

Do you want to save your marriage?

I would like nothing more than to save this marriage even if it means we have to divorce first, then reconcile years later. I stand by my commitment and I still love and care for her. It kills me to see her doing these things to herself and the pain she is in because of her choices.

Have you read Surviving an Affair book by Dr Harley?

I have not yet read the book or ordered it.

Get the book. It's an eye opener. And it has the plan.

check your local library, they may have it... Then you can download it.