I just feel so empty. I don't know how to live without my WH. I can't sleep/eat/function without him. I have been with him my entire adult life. I don't know how to be without him. And sleeping alone is the worst.

All I can think about is the fact that he is to gone. And my DS is asking me when is Dad gonna come home. I don't have an answer for that.

Then he tells me that he has an idea to get onto his Dad's phone and send a text to the OW ("I don't want to see/talk to you anymore"). I told him that we can't force his Dad to stop talking to her. That is something that his Dad must decide to do on his own.

He is angry with his Dad, but is missing him at the same time. How can I help him cope, When I can't even cope?

I don't know if this will help you, friend, but it has helped me and (I think) other people on this site who tried it.

Re-position mentally the facts surrounding your WH's absence. What I mean is, superimpose over the affair-related reasons for his leaving a veneer of alternative reasons, and focus on them.

If he had been hit by a bus, contracted a fast-acting fatal disease, or electrocuted himself cutting down a tree , you would have no more access to him than a good Plan B is going to provide.

Stop thinking, "He's gone," and start thinking, "He's GONE!"

The ancillary benefit to this is that bus, bug, or volts would NOT have been dependent on your ability to control events. That is also the mindset to have for his bailing.

Thanks. I have a question....should my DS text his Dad "I miss you" or wait until my WH texts him first?

If your son wants to call, then let him. Do not listen in. If DS hands you the phone because WH wants to talk to you then wait until DS walks away and then hang up phone.

Be prepared,though, for your son's disappointment if WH doesn't pick up.

PS no texts, WH will assume it is from you. Don't engage.

DS has his own phone. Right now he doesn't really want to talk to his Dad, cause he's angry that he left us for the OW.

Then don't push it. And let DS know that it is OK to be angry and to talk to you if he needs to. Don't make excuses for WH, just be there to listen. Adultery is tough on kids and they need to know that you are there for them.

I have told DS that this is not his fault. there isn't anything that he can do to "fix" this. I told DS that if his Dad asks him how he is doing, he needs to be honest and not be afraid to tell his Dad exactly how this is making him feel.

I forget, how long does Dr. Harley say that plan B should last? How long should I expect WH to continue his A after seeing the pain in our DS eyes?

plan B lasts....as long as it lasts. Plan B is for YOU! To protect your mental and physical health from your WH's emotional abuse. You live your life for you and your children. It is about becoming independent. Use this time for self care. Is there a hobby you've always wanted to do? Then start it. Is there a class you are interested in. Then look into it. Surround yourself with friends and family that will encourage you as you become your own person. It really does get better, CnAmry.

Plan B is not about changing him. In some cases, it causes the WS to realize what they are losing. But that is not what it is about.

What did you do for YOURSELF today?

I've been working on getting my sewing business up and running. I have 3 orders in the works right now. So I am going to be focusing on that for the next coue of days.

I had a doctors appointment today that I went to. But as for anything that focused right on me. I didn't. I concentrated on working on school work with my DS, I homeschool him. And just made sure that my kids had everything that they needed.

Wow! That's great! Have you ever checked out Etsy.com?


Do something for you, even if it is just treating yourself to a latte while you are out.

Make sure you are eating well and try to get out for a daily walk or some other kind of exercise.


It might also help to read the threads of other Plan B'ers. Like Czarne, Indiegirl and Scotland, to name a few.

I'm guessing that is your 10yo. ( With a 3yo underfoot!! Been there!) Do you belong to a homeschool support group? If not, is there one locally? What about a church with an active women's ministry? You need some support. Those groups might give you some options so that you can do things for yourself. I love taking a bubblebath and reading a book in the bathtub. What is it you enjoy? Taking a walk? Find something small that you can do for YOU!!!

Today was an awesome day. I had dropped off a sewing job a couple of days ago and today I got paid!!! It lifted me up so high, that nothing brought me down. I had a smile on my face all day and when I talked to people on the phone, they said that they could hear the smile in my voice.

It was awesome!!! I now have 3 sewing jobs that I have to focus on and a lunch that I'm gonna go to just for me to get out of the house on Monday. I'm trying to keep myself busy so that I don't have time to dwell on anything else, but me and my boys.

My son talked to my WH today and I was laughing and enjoying myself, and my DS said that WH seemed sad!! Haha!! He did bring this upon himself and he's the only one that can fix the problem.

I have also planned a road trip with the boys tomorrow and we won't be here for the latter part of the day.

This weekend will be the first weekend that we go through without WH here. It's gonna take a lot to focus on just the three of us.

Well....it really hit the fan over here!!!!
WH texted and wanted to spend time with DS on his birthday. We ended up talking and he said that he wanted to come back home and that he would cut all ties with OW and her brother. Like an idiot I believed him and let him come back. Saw that he has cut ties with OW's brother. But saw that he is still talking to OW, so he's gone again.

Is this normal? For WH to try to "have his cake and eat it too"?

I have talked to a lawyer about what I would receive if we divorce. Haven't drawn up an agreement yet, because he had asked to come back home.

Should I expect him to continue to try to come home and still talk to OW?

Have you considered going into Plan B?

And now you have start all over again, except now you have lost some ground.

What happened to your IM? You should not be allowing him to contact you directly. Plug up those gaps, change your number and keep up your boundaries.

CnAmry I went through that TWICE!!! Once after a "suicide attempt" The OW is like crack. Until the burden is ENTIRELY on her to meet ENs his fantasy world won't end. Like you I had to leave the country and even then WH was trying to involve me in his drama. I agree with RQ. Plug the holes.

Next time he comes back with vows of No Contact verify by him showing he has blocked her number and email, deleted off her FB etc. And I wouldn't let him move in right away. Get bk into Plan B.

This has been the hardest 2 weeks of my life. Not only have I not seen or talked to my WH for 2 weeks, but I had to go through an outpatient surgery and Valentine's Day without him by my side. Thanks to my MIL, and my sister, I made it through. But I haven't spent a Valentines Day alone in over 16 years and to go through this valentines day and not be able to share my love with my H, was so painful.

I have still been keeping track of his phone and I know that he is still in contact with the OW and her brother. He still sees our kids occasionally, but he contacts my sister if he wants to see them. It's usually only once a week. He occupies his time on the weekends working on his car.

I am really just trying to focus on my recovery right now. So rest and relaxation have been all I'm focused on besides my boys.

I'll make sure to update you with any new information.

Thanks for your support.

Healing will begin soon hang in there. Keep that plan b up.

CnAmry, I am proud that you have stuck to it. I know it is hard. We are addicted to our spouses and it takes a couple of weeks to get through that withdrawal. It will get better!

But, you have to stop tracking his phone! You are not living wayward free if you are still keeping tabs on him. I don't know how you have it set up, but if you get email reports, have them go to your IM instead. Start that now so you can speed up your healing.

I hope your surgery went well and that you getting plenty of rest. You have a great sister!

CnAmry, as RQ stated, tracking ANYTHING is NOT Plan B. You don't need to know that he is still talking to OW. That doesn't help YOUR recovery. Do you have any other way that you are keeping tabs on him? Are there any other breaks in PB? Usually, when a BS allows themselves to breach certain aspects of PB, others follow.

Is your sister acting as your IM? Does she filter out communications with him, to allow you to have unemotional dealings with him? I had a short time when I used a very good friend of mine as IM. It didn't last though because whenever I saw her, I could tell that there was more that she wanted to say, and knew, but that she couldn't. Just the fact that I knew that there was more was enough to have me thinking about what it could be, and took the focus off my own healing. The quicker you plug up all of the holes, the quicker you will start healing.

Special occasions are going to be tough for while, but you'll make it through, and as soon as you start reaping the rewards of being in a dark Plan B, you will shudder to think about what your life would have been like with it.