I mentioned this in my own thread and no one really answered me. I am worried about my husband. I am looking for an individual counselor that works with job issues or depression maybe.. I've read the article on here, but it is mostly for marriage counseling. My husband shares Dr. harley's view that a lot of individual counseling goes on forever and is useless. Plus, he really doesn't have any childhood issues ( normal parents normal childhood). I think it is just a matter of nearly 30 years of medical training and practice that has just taken its toll. He cares too much about each individual patient and takes every case so personally and the hours he can't hack anymore. ( Even though he has reduced it to 1/2 of what it was the first half of our marriage and he works A LOT lss than the others in his practice.)

I'm scanning the yellow pages and I don't know waht LPC, LMFT or any of that mans. Plus, as I scan the names they are all women...

Secondary issue: friends. I know that here on the site all of you want spouses to be each other's best friends. But our former pastor ( the one that recommended Dr. Harley's materials not the current one that things 15 hours of UA is way too much) had a group of guys that were also pastors and they met once a month and were able to vent with each other ( my church is being unreasonable..my wife and I are having a hard time) and he said it was VERY helpful since pastors can't really talk to anyone else. Neither hubby nor I have any friends..not close ones. If he just had some like minded guys that could support him or he could talk to...same with me. We are both each other's biggest supporters, but I am so weary of seeing him so down....

The goal is for each spouse to be the one they go to, and not people outside of the marriage. It would have been more helpful if those pastors would have spoken to their wives about the marriage issues. They can't very well solve their marriage problems if they are talking to someone else about it.

As far as church issues, that sounds like a great solution and most businesses use this same approach.. Of course we don't "vent," because that is counterproductive, but we discuss problems and come up with solutions.

Your husband might want to counsel with a career coach. However, I have no idea how one goes about finding a good one. Steve Harley might be able to help in this regard because he is very creative in finding solutions to such problems. He also does not believe in endless counseling.

I didn't get the idea that they were venting about wives, just church.. More like we come here and praying for each other. He put the MB principles into practice. He and his wife gave the seminar on it. He was very, very private..

As far as Steve goes.. I don't know... I still think he will wonder why in the world I want to force him to do counseling about his job with a guy who on the website says that

Over 90% of my case load is spent with couples dealing with and recovering from infidelity


I'm not sure how I can convince him.

So what? That doesn't mean he isn't a talented coach. And secondly, no one can FORCE your husband to go to counseling and I can't imagine why you said that?

I regret saying anything because you argue with absolutely everything. When will I learn??

I am probably wasting my time saying this, but even though Dr Harley specializes in infidelity, he is a brilliant and effective life coach. He DOES career counseling with his clients on a regular basis. It is part and parcel of marriage counseling.

Thanks Melody...

I'm sorry I argue. I'll try to mention Steve to him... I am just so tired of seeing him so depressed.......

It seems to me that your husband, as a professional, would have more contacts who would know how to get a life coach or counsellor.

Has he expressed any interest in doing so? Or is this something you want him to do.

Me.. he doesn't want anyone to know. If I do bring the idea of Steve up to him this weekend, I will need to ask the mods to delete all my posts on this board as he wouldn't be happy about my posting here.

Your husband is smart enough to be able to make inquiries discreetly (ie, no one will assume he is doing it for himself.)

But if he doesn't want to, this is all for naught.