I want to talk, but my old thread just doesn't seem to fit me anymore. I've changed a lot in the last two years and I've moved forward a lot. I hope it is okay if I start this thread, and it doesn't have to be just about me.

Two years ago, I was a homeschooling stay at home mom of 4 tiny children, fully financially dependent on my ex. I was shaken to the core by d-day. I lost 10 pounds the first week. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I cried all. day. long. Everyday. I couldn't imagine that I could ever make it financially, that I could raise 4 kids all by myself, I had to repaint my whole future in my head. I was living in a house that my ex and I had discussed having grandkids visit someday. It was crazy life changing.

Despite my inner turmoil I decided within two weeks to go back to school and get a nursing degree. I got a part time job. I got into the nursing program 6 months later. I moved out of the house ex and I picked so that I could be nearer to class/clinicals and start a new life. I have just gotten a second job now in the health care field. I am still in school. I have made many new friends. I am dating a guy that is fun to be with and amazing with the kids. He is my best friend. I am surrounded by supportive people. I have become more independent.

My ex is still with his affair partner, I am expecting that it will become an affairage soon. After I moved out of our home he moved right into it with her, I don't like that, but I was too far from nursing school and the hospitals where the clinicals were so it is what it is. He is required by our agreement to put the house on the market on March 1st, I expect that will be a battle since he and OW want to stay there forever. If I were her I wouldn't want to stay in the house that the exwife picked and updated according to preference so that's weird to me.

I feel like in many ways I am a "success story" afa moving on after an affair. Now that its been a while I find that I still have questions, I still don't get it-- I understood that he lost his mind with the brain love chemicals. But its been a while now so those should have settled down. I barely speak to him, but we were friendly on the phone and got the kid stuff done, until something happened on his end (probably OW) and now he refuses to talk to me and says I have to send texts or we won't communicate. Of course OW sends me texts pretending to be him so I am not in favor of this plan. I did Plan B originally, but am no longer doing it because I don't care all that much. I just need to process where to go from here. I am thinking about having the kids call if they have an event on his weekend so that I can phase out of dealing with him.

I've read all of the Harley books. Are there other books you guys would recommend?

Geez I thought this would be short, but I guess I just needed to talk after all. I would love to hear from you.

Have you read "Buyers, Renters and Freeloaders"?

Your old thread: http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/u...in=163372&Number=2488220#Post2488220

First, I suggest plan B.
Secondly, you mention this other man. Dr Harley recommends waiting at least 2 years after divorce before dating.
For parents dating is not a good idea. Remarriages with children have an 85% failure rate according to Dr Harley.

Why dont you start a thread in the Divorce forum? There are regular posters there that don't read the SAA forum

Mehr don't worry about exWH and skanky. She was probably suspicious that he waa going to double cross her with you. She is constantly terrified he's going to cheat on her. There is an excellent post from someone who was an OW and ended up in an affairage later. BH? I really gotta learn how to post links!

Glad to hear u are doing well 2.5 yrs out. That's fantastic! I am not sure about reading material. There are others on here more versed in the area of reading material.

Here it is.

What you Will Get if you Marry Your Affair Partner

I don't understand, does that mean I should keep using it? Everyone gets one thread?

Having more time between relationships makes good sense. I didn't look for this guy he just fell in my lap, and it's going fine so I'm inclined to just go with it.

That was interesting

If you keep one thread......others can follow your survival story.

Books.....how about His Needs Her Needs for Parents. (you have a career, four children and a significant other)

Lovebusters (if you haven't read it) it is very informative

The only thing regarding your ex that I can think of is to communicate with him by email in place of texting and to keep printed records of the communications. Maybe when you recieve a text, text back 'email me'.

Talk with him when he is willing to talk but don't force it.

I would suggest that you re-enter Plan B and plan on being in it for the long haul. Your children are not old enough yet to deal with their father directly.