I concur with GO. Investigate, snoop, and then make a decision based on facts instead of guesswork. Have you read up on the principles of this site? 1st thread is a good place to start!

15 yrs and GO offer good advice for taking assertive action. Take the concrete steps in the program. Read the strategies on this site and in Dr. Hareley's books. Start with Surviving an Affair. Doing so will empower you with clarity and enable you to follow a decisive plan. Those who linger without a plan suffer and fail. Those who follow the MB plan still suffer, but they move forward and don't stagnate nearly as long in the dung of despair. They rise from the ashes of the affair tragedy a better person and often in a renewed marriage.

While you're educating yourself on Dr. Harley's program, investigate her situation assertively, expose thoroughly, and then go into Plan A or Plan D (divorce/legal separation), whatever your choice.

To be clear about an issue raised earlier, I am not proposing marriage-at-all-costs. Though I don't believe in divorce, I also don't believe in living in an unhappy marriage with a spouse who refuses to be a good partner. When my wife had an affair, as soon as I found out, I gave her the choice of ending it or leaving the house. She chose the latter, and I immediately filed for a legal separation. I wasted no time in doing this. We wound up divorced 10 months later. Though we were going through the divorce process, I did go in to Plan A. I went Plan B once the divorce was finalized. A month after the divorce, she left her affair partner, and we began a reconciliation process, but only after EP's were put in place. The point is, as 15 years and Glove Oil suggest, take assertive action as prescribed by Dr. Harley. As they say, "Get with the program!" You don't know what the outcome will be, but if you follow the program it is guaranteed that at the very least you will be a better person for having done it.

We need to keep in mind that Dr. Harley's standard advice to a young marriage suffering an affair with no children is to cut one's losses and move on. He doesn't recommend trying to save such marriages, because there is less to save. This one not only meets that criteria, but is also plagued with serial cheating. It is worse than most.

I seriously question the judgement and wisdom of anyone who would encourage saving such a marriage. I know Dr Harley does. Once again, this is not a "marriage at all cost" program.

That being said, if he truly wants to try to save this marriage, he is certainly welcome to use the program in his attempt. He will get plenty of help here.

I know it is tempting to tell him what you think he wants to hear, Just3ofus, but you really do this young man a terrible disservice. If this were my son, I would encourage him to cut his losses and move on because I CARE more about his well being than I do being "liked."

What concerns me the most is that this young man is not only very young and inexperienced, but he is obviously not objective about his situation. [people usually are not objective about their own crisis] One would hope that he could come to this forum and be given sound advice based on wisdom and sound judgement.

I don't believe that has happened here and I am concerned that he won't carefully consider his options if he is given emotional and poorly reasoned arguments about trying to save a marriage that probably shouldn't be saved.

I think it is critical that people who come here with these types of marriages be asked to carefully consider both sides of the argument and unfortunately, that has been hampered on this thread. And again, this is not a marriage at all cost program; sometimes the definition of success is divorce.

Your wife is a liar. A cheater. And you have no children.

Your wife is a liar. A cheater. And you have no children.

...and she has demonstrated no respect for, and does not want to be in a, marriage.

CC, the mantra to repeat in your situation is
"While it only takes one to RUIN, no one person can MAKE a marriage."