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Edited version:
Remember that movie we watched it when we were dating and we never finished it? Well, I saw it the other night and something stood out to me. This bible verse. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
You are my wife and together we can go on from here. If you choose to. I believe real love isn't an euphoria, obsession or butterflies in your stomach. That's only temporary. Real and true love is unity with emotion and reason. Love is a choice, I made that decision about you that day in the chapel on July 5th as did you.
Love requires effort and discipline. It is a choice to expend time and energy in an effort to benefit the other person and knowing that person's life is made better because of it. This is what we should be doing for each other, as husband and wife. Our marriage would be better than before! But that is your choice.
I hope your health is good and that your taking care of yourself. Bottom line is I do care for and about your well being. I have a feeling that your depressed and alone. Emailing this counselor might help you figure out what's going on with you. It's mbradio@marriagebuilders.com. You can tell them your story and let them know your my wife. WW I will continue to pray for you, more than myself and keep you in my heart. No matter what you believe about me know that I care about you and I always have.
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Thanks RQ. Hope this works in my favor! God bless.
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NG's isn't very plan A...
...which is why I at first declined to offer comment on your plan!
(But I have always owned up that my "Plan A" would have been the WORST one extant. I think it would have consisted, for example, of giving her the opportunity of exiting her car before taking a chainsaw to it!)
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Seriously don't forget that kid in PR.
Stay in contact with him.
Let him know you care and plan a him!
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Seriously don't forget that kid in PR.
Stay in contact with him.
Let him know you care and plan a him! I totally agree. He will always remember it. Poor kid. You were his only parental role in his life. Do you know if he's even in school yet?
FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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JK, you and I will see to it, I believe, that TD never lets the exile be forgotten!
Until his kidnapper returns him to (domestic) US soil, the only Valentine gift WW deserves would be chocolate, in enema form, applied by an air-hose!
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Well he is in school supposedly. WW told her mother not to let me talk to him. I will send a letter and keep communication open between me and him. I miss him much.
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What worries me is that since he was abandoned he is prone to filling a huge void in his life with toxic things.
Drugs, gangs, alcohol etc.
I understand that your wife is in the fog.
But she is still choosing to abandon her kid.
The kid has no control over where he is living and he's probably very angry and scared.
Have you told the MIL pastor or priest what is going on? The church may be able to reach out to the kid with positive influences.
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Personally, I'd go the State Department route. The child, a US citizen, is being detained outside of the United States proper, and as such is being denied access to education, medical care, and protection due him as a citizen. Add to that the questionable criminal status of WW, who is mandating his exile, and I can see any number of congressmen, straining to be the one to lead the fight to bring him home.
But, again, that's just me.....
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It doesn't take much to get a congressman involved.
Just write a letter and ask for their assistance.
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As far as getting congressman involved it won't work. PR is a territory so he is t getting denied anything. DS and I saw her at her present dwelling and gave her the present. Got flowers for each year of marriage, the note chocolates (from DS) and a photo album of happier times. She cried and hugged DS and we talked about nothing in particular. She doesn't want to be reserve military anymore which is shocking! She was always so driven in her career. I think it has something to do with the guilt of her affair and the IG investigation. I have proof that she has been to the doctor cor a referral to a psychologist. Thats a good sign IMO. RQ and Kiss I hope this works. I really mis SS and WW I feel incomplete without them. God bless you all and I will keep you updated.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 02/15/13 06:52 AM.
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Sounds like you made a major chink in that armor of hers. That's great! Keep on fighting.
Has DS said anything to her about missing his brother? If not, then maybe he should.
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DS and I saw her at her present dwelling and gave her the present. Got flowers for each year of marriage, the note chocolates (from DS) and a photo album of happier times. She cried and hugged DS and we talked about nothing in particular. She doesn't want to be reserve military anymore which is shocking! She was always so driven in her career. I have proof that she has been to the doctor cor a referral to a psychologist. Thats a good sign IMO. I really mis SS and WW I feel incomplete without them. God bless you all and I will keep you updated.
All good stuff, TD, but remember to prevent any of her actions, utterances, or attitudes from raising any expectations within you. You have the additional burden of observing DS's joy of being with his Mom, and isolating that from your own reality.
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Yea that's on thing about plan A that I feel a lot of emphasis should be put on. No expectations. I found when you do have expectations and they don't come to fruition AOs happen and your plan A suffers. DS tells her everytime he sees her that he misses his brother. At first she dismisses it recently though I see anguish in her face when he says this. He also tells her he wants her to be happy with daddy and not to talk to POSOM anymore because she is daddy's wife. That made me tear up but I kept my emotions in check in front of her. Thanks for everyone's help here this is a really good support system.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 02/15/13 09:54 AM.
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I want to offer some words on her seeing a psychologist.
Generally it's good.
However my wife was seeing a psychologist while in her affair and I am
Now divorced.
According to my lying wife, the psychologist encouraged her to "separate" for perspective.
I hope that you arent going to start making psychological excuses for your wife
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There are reasons for an affair not excuses. If she sees this psychologist and the psychologist makes her see the pain and suffering she is causing and that she is responsible for her actions and no one her made her a lying cheat and a bad mother then it was worth it. As for your ex-wife JK I think she was lying about what was said during her sessions. I have zero tolerance for excuses! She made this horrible decision to lay with POSOM and get feces on all aspects of her life. Not because some childhood BS or any other scapegoat. Everyday I see her she looks more pitiful and pitiful while I am perceived as being stronger and stronger. Even though inside I'm an emotional wreck. I dont have time to sit back and have a pity party. I have a son to raise and I have to be that strong light so she can see her way home. Your concerns are duly noted, JK. Rest assured excuses won't be tolerated by TD. As far as I am concerned it is simple stop having an affair NC and follow MB simple plan that has some tricky execution but as they say if you really want it, it will happen with effort.
Last edited by TranquilDark; 02/16/13 04:47 AM.
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Spoke with WW. Talked about tv shows and other things. Here are the highlights:
She has 0 intention of bringing SS home. She feels resentment and anger towards me because I took DS from her. I acknowledge the fact she ran off with both of our children and she didn't want to discuss that. She feels I'm recording the phone conversation. I asked if she missed me and I got a hesitant no. Once again because she thinks I'm recording her. She kept the flowers and such from v day and loved them a lot. That's quoted and the photo album as well. I asked her about why she wants out the military. She gave some reasons that I don't buy I am pretty sure she is ashamed of her affair and the IG investigation. She has an appointment for a psychologist. I verified this. Have a court date about custody and the TRO was rescinded. Made small deposits listening to her family problems. Complimented her and was very patient and kept my cool. Other than that pray for my family and ill keep you all posted.
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This is not MB advice: when I discovered my wife's affair I called my brother in law who is a practicing psychiatrist.
He encouraged me to call my wife's psychologist and offer a "spouses perspective"
You may want to consider doing the same
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TD, I respect the commitment to marriage that keeps you in plan A. Last year , I was faced with a situation where I could keep trying to work on my marriage, or do what was right for the kids. It was really hard, but I chose the latter (because my responsibility to them is ultimately greater AND because I am showing them how to live life, and for me, that involves sometimes the hardest path for the heart). My kids are doing SO well now, and my WH ended up just moving out of the area. I know you experience some frustration because of the limits of what you can do for your stepson, but I struggle to understand how you can accept what your WW is telling you about how little she cares for the kids' well-being. They are watching all of this...and I just have a hard time understanding the message your son is getting from watching you woo a woman who has hurt his life so much. I just wonder whether this is the best thing in the long run, to stick in plan A...is she really redeemable at this point?
Me, BS: 35
WxH: 36 "HAM" Hearts a mess
6yo DS (with WxH), 9 and 12yo DDs from first marriage
Discovered DH's affair in June, 2011
"I'm not having an affair, you're crazy." major gaslighting
Served with divorce papers on 2/3/12
Divorce final 7/29/2013
Living day by day, counting my blessings, loving my children
Personal Recovery well underway!
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You have a valid point JV. I feel I am teaching him that in order to get what you want you need hard work, determination and motivation. I feel she is worth all the trouble one thing I learned from this site is patience and long term rewards. Every time we talk I see and hear it in her voice. She is in pain because of her adulterous ways and she knows it. It's just easier for her to blame me for everything. When she tries to trigger arguments and insults I kindly redirect them. However, our conversations aren't forced but her attempts to trigger an AO are forced and fake. Her tone says it all. She opened up and told me her grandmother is dying. I urged her to go see her.
I plan on going there and seeing her grandmother, out of all her family her grandmother is the only one who told my WW she is ruining her life with a good man over nothing. I feel I should at least see her with DS and see SS as well. Hopefully, WW will come as well. In a couple months we have another court date where custody will be discussed. The way I look at it I have hope and a plan. So I'm not attacking this affair blind. I know in my heart I have changed tremendously for the better and she sees it as well. For once in my life I feel I have a purpose and that God is behind me and I will not fail.
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