Why would you write a Plan B letter if you are not in fact in Plan B? She is still in your home. How can you write that you will not see or speak to her and that only urgent communication must go through an intermediary, if she is still in the house?

I told her to leave the house if she was going to continue the affair and contact with OM. Maybe it was more of a End the affair letter, but it was my Plan B letter that I had planned to send her later.

The initial backlash was horrible. She has now agreed to talk to Pastor with me today. I am going to the doctor today for STD testing and anti-depressants. I guess it is a vacation day for me.

I am trying to follow your advice guys I really am.

What do I do next?

What do I do next?

I gave you some straight-from-the-shoulder advice after midnight this morning. Did you even read it?

ok, but we didn't tell you to take her to a meeting with the pastor. We told you to demand she ends the affair or get out. What about ending the affair? I don't understand the point of meeting with the pastor when there is an affair going on? Will she end the affair today and send the no contact letter?

Did you read our posts about exposure?

What did you write in the letter? Please post it here.

I'm trying to get you to see the nonsense involved in writing any such letter to your wife. The whole point of a Plan B letter is that you write it when you are no longer in contact with your spouse. You are in NC and THAT is why you are writing to her, rather than talking to her. You do not write it when you are still living with and speaking to her.

You can demand that she end the affair face-to-face. Why would you write down that demand when you are still talking to her? Do you realise how nonsensical your behaviour is seeming to her now? What message do you think this sends her about your logic and determination?

If you intend to go to Plan B, you need to plan carefully before you do it. You need to get her out of the house - but there are children needing after-school care and attention. Who is going to do this if she leaves now? Can you rearrange your work schedule so that you work fewer hours, or can you arrange a nanny to pick them up and cook for them until you get home? The one thing you must not allow is for her to leave and take the children with her. They belong in their home, and if she insists on having her affair, she must must it outside your home, without the children.

Getting her out of the house, if she refuses to go, might begin with filing for divorce. Have you seen a lawyer yet to discuss your situation and getting custody of the kids, with your wife paying you for their support?

What are the circumstances surrounding this OM being her "best friend" and her refusing to end the affair? There are big holes in your story that you need to fill in.

Apparently there are two conversations on this thread. One is Neveragain talking to himself and the other is MB soldiers talking to themselves.

DUDE. STOP and LISTEN. Then ACT.

STEP 1. EXPOSE the affair to all key parties; YOUR WW PARENTS and FAMILY, CLOSE FRIENDS... any one who knows her and can encourage her to see that she is being a completely disgusting HOBAG and needs to change her behaviour. EXPOSE to OM family. EVERYONE who can put pressure on him. Get his BW in on it. You have the evidence so you can show it to anyone who would like to see it.

STEP 2. SEE STEP 1.

After you've told EVERYONE. Come back and let us know how it went. Otherwise you will soon find you will be talking to yourself indeed.

BetrayedP! THANK YOU! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I was very confused at what I needed to do and this brought clarity.

I have told OMW to expose as well but she is cautious. Her situation is a little bit different. She falls into the financially has no resources category He is threatening to take the kids from her. That was his threat all along and why she never told me.

When I did expose I got email from OM cousin who is a lawyer telling me to not contact anyone from his family, WW is telling me that I can expect a restraining order. She also has backlashed other legal type threats to me after any of my exposures.

The fallout of the exposure is EXHAUSTING! I don't think I can mentally do it.

Today, the Pastor is coming to talk to us. He is the one that wrote the NC letter for A#1. I know he will tell her to end the affair.

I have been trying to work on Plan A, and maybe I'm jumping the gun, I shouldn't plan A until she agrees to end the affair?? I still should try to do everything to make me happy though right?

How do I change the subject line? I realize it is not really valid now

Neveragain if you have time NOW, write an exposure letter and email it to everyone. Regardless of what the pastor says or does you need to do this. It is STEP 1. and if you don't do STEP 1. then all the other steps are not going to make any sense. So quit asking about what happens after and just do STEP 1. If the BW wife doesn't want to help you just do it on your own and let her thank you later.

I hope the next post you make is to let us know you've accomplished that task.

Here is a sample Exposure letter

Stop everything.

You need to just focus on exposure right now.

Forget about plan A, B the pastor and the letter.


Take Baby Steps. First step is exposure.
Expos� to everyone that you haven't TODAY

Finish all of your exposures to the OM's family and stop being silly. Of course the OM's cousin can't file a restraining order on you for exposing truth. He has no right to tell you who you can contact and who you can't. You need to push forward and expose to all of the OM's contacts you can.

Waywards make all sorts of threats and this one is the most silly. You can't allow them to bully into silence.


The reason it is exhausting is because you are doing a half baked wimpy exposure. Just enough to piss off your wife but not enough to kill the affair. This is exactly WHY I cautioned against trickle exposures. You need to be very aggressive and get this done and get it done RIGHT.

And STOP running whenever the waywards make threats. They are just blowing smoke.

When I did expose I got email from OM cousin who is a lawyer telling me to not contact anyone from his family, WW is telling me that I can expect a restraining order. She also has backlashed other legal type threats to me after any of my exposures.

There is no legal basis for a restraining order. WW is trying to get you to stop EXPOSING and FIGHTING because it is putting impediments into the affair-fantasy land she wants to inhabit.

(OM) is threatening to take the kids from her. That was his threat all along and why she never told me.

This is also all talk, with no chance of happening. No court in this country is going to take a wife's children from her and give them to a husband, who is angry that she fought his infidelity.

Do us a big favor. Give her this website, and tell her we will give her all the support she needs to win this fight, and especially ensure that she will not suffer isolation from her babies. The power of two BSs each using the tactics on this site is a powerful maelstrom of flying sewage that the APs will want NOTHING to do with!

How about the other things I gave you this morning? Finances? Vehicles?

Stop feeling sorry for yourself and get MAD, dammit!

We met with the pastor.

I know I have been a timid little pansy in Exposure, but it is evident that Exposure is VERY widespread now.
1) When I exposed to her small facebook group on day one, it is likely that members of that group exposed to up to 90 other people in another facebook group. (I have no evidence, but my wife is convinced considering the way these people are acting towards her.)
2) I left out that OM is on marriage #3 Wife #2 Knows, OM Son from Wife #2 OM Daughter from Wife #2 knows. Maybe more in this little family.
3) OM Dad knows.
4) WW Sister knows.
5) WW Sister's Boyfriend knows
6) The Pastor knows.
7) About 5 of my closest friends know, and likely their wives. All from our church
8) WW Mom and Dad Know - They have threatened to tell people at their church.
9) OMW has told 3 or four of her friends.

She hasn't agreed to end contact.

What is the next step?? More exposure? (I still think it is exhausting)

I asked her to stop contact in front of pastor and she said she is not ready to do that yet? Pastor said I can't force her to do that and she needs to when she is ready? Bad advice?

#1 Find a new pastor. The one you are dealing with is an eff'ing infidelity-coddling moron. Tell him I said this. Better yet, tell him he's probably a wayward himself, which would explain his lack of outrage toward her activities.

#2 YES, you can make her cheating life so unpleasant that she will give it up. I repeat: How about the other things I gave you this morning? Finances? Vehicles? Reducing a wayward wife with no other resources to foot-bound penury would very quickly demonstrate your seriousness of purpose. Trust us here, the tepid, insecure, uncertain persona that we have seen here is much more evident to WW, and is not something that she is going to take seriously.

#3 MORE EXPOSURE! Do your children have friends with parents? Tell them! This "church" that WW goes to, does it have a marriage-support group (away from the devil's spawn that is your "pastor"? Tell them! Thank Mom and Dad for offering to spread the word at their church of their daughter spreading her goodies around. Offer to join them in the effort! Does WW have aunts, uncles, cousins? Guess what you should do! Destroy the connection. How did WW and POSOM become "friends"? Is there a larger group surrounding that connection? Tell EVERYBODY!!! Hell's bells, dude, THESE are the kinds of action you should be considering:

Okay I get your advice Neverguessed.

Different question.

What is the purpose of keeping the evidence. I'm not getting rid of it, but WW thinks I'm going to post it public. I offered it to OMW but she didn't want it. When they ask me to get rid of it what is the reason I give for keeping it?

Okay, the very fact that the APs want you to dispose of the evidence proves that they are seriously considering taking their relationship to the level that eliminates both you and OMW, the "annoyances", from their lives. As soon as they feel that you cannot document their affair, they will each "independently" decide to jettison their spouses due to "irreconcilable differences", and shack up together. (BTW: How will you feel about your children living with them in their little "lust cottage"!) That is why the publication NOW to the widest possible audience is so valuable.

No need for you to give them a reason.

Keep the evidence. You do not know if you will need it at a later time.

For my situation, the affair phone I found will work quite nicely in my case, even more so since I live in a fault state. Alot of begging, pleading went on for my WS to get it back. All I said was "I didn't have it anymore". Which was exactly the truth, my IM had it, then my PI, now my lawyer has it.

SIGH. How is this evident? You mean it is evident that people are gossiping. Gossip is not as effective as hearing it from the horses mouth. I bet your WW and her AP are busy doing damage control saying that it is all just rumors and they are nothing more than friends. Why are they so concerned with your evidence?

If you want to do something with your evidence: you can create a website with the evidence and a link to it in your exposure email for anyone who wants to see it. Your main task is to bust up the affair. Clearly they are running scared. I know it's exhausting, but it is your only chance.

I agree with NG that your pastor is a coward. He should have told your WW to leave the house if she insists on carrying on an affair.

Have you confronted OM? Your friend? And told him to stay the hell away from your wife and that if you ever catch him talking to her again there'll be hell to pay? Man up NA!

You are going to loose this battle and your wife will continue having sex with other men if you don't follow the advice of Dr Harley.