Is surviving an affair only for people that want to recover their marriage? I'm wondering if I should even bother giving it to my friend.

Backstory: my friend was married and divorced, leaving her with 2 children around 2 and 4 at the time. He has not been a part of the girls' lives and hasn't ever paid child support.

She remarried when the girls were 4 and 6. Although he never formally adopted them, he has been a great father. Apparantly their marriage was pretty rocky and they fought all the time. They were in our SS class.

Fast forward to about 2 years ago. She tells me they are getting a divorce but they can't afford to move out. So for about 6 months they live there together but not together if you know what I mean. He even had a heart attack and drove himself to the hospital. ( Yes, she was there that morning.) He didn't tell her until the next day that he was in the hospital. He told her that his parents were there and he didn't need her. Eventually she moved out to an apartment and immediately his girlfriend moved in. They divorced about a year ago.

She is financially strapped. Her first husband still hasn't paid child support ( is supposed to pay 30,000 a year and yes the attorney general is involved) Her second husband has still been involved in the girls lives ( now 14 and 16 ). He goes to their games and buys them Christmas presents and such. She thought about trying to buy a small house only to discover that her credit is ruined. Her name is still on the mortgage with the 2nd husband and he is defaulting on it and he has maxed out a credit card that still has her name on it. Even though both things are spelled out in the divorce that she doesn't have them.

Well, he came to her a month or so ago begging to come back.. turns out this girlfriend is one he had and asked to marry him before they got married. She came to him the day before they got married and asked him back. Turns out he was going to her with all of their problems their entire marriage. She turned him down flat. She is currently seeing another guy anyway. ( Which I think is a horrible idea. This guy travels with his job.) She was still completely shocked that he was having an affair her entire marriage...

So would SAA be a good book to give her? I've got the renters, freeloaders book that I am going to give her...

But as of last night there is a new update. This past fall she took a class and became a pharmacy tech. Her new job enabled them to upgrade insurance ( she had none, kids had medicaid) and she has been getting some screenings done. They found something on her mammogram. She is having a sonogram tomorrow. So for now I'm not giving her anything. She has enough stress.

Really hoping it is nothing.

Yes I would give her that book. It's an excellent book and will probably help her heal to give some answers.

HNHN is also good one.

Yes, give her the book. It explains how people allow themselves to get sucked in to affairs. Everyone I have given the book to is amazed at how similar their experience is to at least part of those in the book. It know that you are not alone is a balm for the soul, regardless of which direction you are choosing to go in your life.

Ok I will.. but not right now. She went to her appointment for the sonogram and she is having a biopsy tomorrow... I'm a little alarmed that they are doing this all so fast. It makes me think the doctors are pretty concerned.. When I had my test, they waited 3 weeks before I had mine.. She just has so much to deal with right now. I convinced her to go ahead and let the kids know today. ( so many other adults know that I am afraid it will get back to them!) Thanks..

She has probably been a renter her entire life and I think the book buyers renters Freeloaders has great info in it.