I will check it out from the library. they don't have it in download form

JC upon further review of the restraining order she doesn't have to leave the house until it is decided at our hearing. I am going to ask her again to end the affair or leave the house. She is going to say she's not leaving her kids though. I just don't know what tactic to take here because she is going to try to throw it in my face that I don't have a legal right to throw her out.

The workplace exposure is getting stonewalled I think by the district mgr. Something about off-work activities. I cannot get contact info for anyone else because they are a private company and don't have numbers listed. I haven't given up. It just proves to me that the corruption at this place goes deeper than I could have imagined.

Your friend's friend was able to find an HR phone number and report the matter directly to the HR dept, but you cannot figure out how to do that? You can't even ask your friend for the phone number? Have you even bothered to do an internet search on the company? The most basic info would be on her paystubs and tax forms. It appears that you are the one who is doing the stonewalling...

The HR contact is just a regular employee that has HR duties as well. Every number found online is disconnected. Contact Us page is an email form which goes to the store mgr and district mgr. Pay stubs are all online and I don't have the password. I did not think about the tax forms though; I just got them in the mail! You're a genius!

I got SAA. The first chapter is so much like my situation. Should I try to get WW to read it?

Nope. Get exposure complete. Get HR contact to give you name of HR director and send exact copy of exposure letter to HR director. Do it today.

Do not try to get WW to read it.

Attempts to educate waywards do not work.

Just do your best Plan A (no lovebusters and showing your best self)
and
expose without warning her you are going to do it. (your WW will be hissing, spitting mad but it needs to be done). Do it and be done with that part of the plan. Know that she will be angry but be brave enough to face that. You gotta. If you don't, you are enabling and approving of the infidelity.Make no excuses to others for having done it once you get it done.


prepare to Plan B from her if she does not end her waywardness. That means, make sure while you are in Plan A that your finances are secure, you know your legal rights in your state and etc. You do not tell your WW you are preparing for possible separation.

Thanks for your words reading. I am trying to get some address to write to; but this company sure doesn't make it easy to register any kind of complaint.

She stayed home last night. I made her favorite dish last night from scratch. Fettucinni Alfredo with broccoli and chicken. We watched a movie with the kids all cuddled up with us on the couch. Closest I've been to her in a month.

Plan B is in the works pending our hearing on the 12th. Assets are pretty much divided right now.

Mijunleigh

Everyday you have another reason for not getting exposure done. You will notice that the veteran posters here have abandoned you. That is because you are being a lily-livered, panty-waisted, quivering, waffling non-starter. Nothing pisses off a vet more (There is a thread about this, but I hesitate to tell you about it, because that will be tomorrow's excuse for not getting your exposure done.)

Time to do the deed, amigo.

Tomorrow, I want your post to be telling us all how you have completed exposure...

Need a translator please for the text convo we had this morning. Most we've talked in a week. Wonder if she's on the fence. I have exposed to work, just don't know how long action will take or if it will. Being patient through this sucks cause I feel like I'm running out of time.

Me: Sorry didn't get your message until this morning. I did call your parents on the way and I did hug and kiss the kids and tell them you loved them before bed.

WW: I didn't get the rest of that. It stopped at kids..

Me: kids and tell them you loved them before bed.

WW: You do know that we don't have to take this to court. We can come to an agreement and save money and time and stress. It would be better for the kids if we do this amicably.

ME: WW you have refused to even consider any of my conditions. If you want amicable please speak with my attorney. I have told you before what I want I will no longer enable you.

WW: Yes I did say I would agree to some of them. You aren't considering any of my requests though now either. I will see your attorney at the hearing Tuesday morning. I am not leaving my children. They are happy and safe with me. Nothing I have ever done or will ever do would show otherwise. I was trying to reach out to you for the best interest of our children. I think it best if we do not talk anymore without an attorney or counselor present if it is about this case.

Me: You requested me to leave my children and move out. You told me you would think about maybe holding off your relationship with POSOM if I gave you primary custody. Then the next day you dropped it and said you wanted everything. then you goaded me by telling me to do what I felt was right. Well I'm doing that. I'm standing up to you and your abuse. I'm sorry you don't like it. Would you like a chip?

WW: I do hope you have a good day though, I was worried about you this morning.

Me: Thank you for your concern. What were you worried about? The wet road?

WW: No, your state of mind. You haven't been yourself the last three weeks. And it really concerns me. I asked you to move out because of the stress between us, the kids already are showing signs that they feel it and it really hurts seeing them like this. They are with me most of the time so it would be most normal for them if you were the one to move out. But BH we should not be discussing this. You sealed our fates when you chose to hire a lawyer, put a restraining order on me, and serve me with those degrading divorce papers. I am not a bad mother and I would never hurt my children or put them through what I went through as a child. And you know that. You just can't see it right now because you are hurt and angry. Again, we should not discuss this anymore unless you are willing to work this out without trials and lawyers.

Me: I am not sure I should speak with your counselor. I do not believe you will not use something against me if it's said. I would be more comfortable if we discussed things in front of my attorney. I will discuss amicability with you later. I will not discuss any issues at this time. And no I never wanted it to happen this way, you know that.

WW: That last comment got cut off and sounded very threatening. Can you please rephrase?

Me: Sorry it sounded that way. I don't mind talking about ways to make an amicable solution work. I just don't want to discuss issues without my attorney.

WW: No I do not know that BH because your actions prove otherwise. You asked me for complete honest when you first filed. I gave you that. I answered any and all questions you berated me with. And then you went behind my back and hired a lawyer and put a restraining order on me. That is not amicable. I did none of those things. I was completely vulnerable and unprotected and you knew it so you have me right where you want me. Please do not contact me any more about this. If you have something to say about this tell your attorney to call me. The kids will be at MILs again tonight like usual when I am working for you to pick up when you get off. Every night I come home from work you are waiting for me to talk or something I don't know but from now on do not knock on my door or meet me outside when I get home. we have nothing we need to discuss right now. Have a good day.

Me: I think we do have more to discuss. And I'm willing, but very untrusting of you. I do hope you have a good day to. You and DD have fun. Early release today 1245.

No mijunleig
She's not sitting on the fence she's trying to gather evidence she can and will use against you in court hence why she text you. She wants it to look like she's being amicable and you are the crazy one.

I am amazed as to why you didn't reply to any of those messages by mentioning her affairs. Had you done so she would not be able to use those texts in court as evidence against you.

Why am I so trusting of her. I hate doing this legal crap. Why can't she just sit down and talk and see reason?

Because she's an addict and lives in a fantasy land here she gets to sleep around, have a docile husband on the side and be a decent mother to the kids.

There is no fairness, reason, trust or faith when it comes to dealing with people selfish enough to destroy their family by being unfaithful.

Please be weary and never ever ever trust anything she says or does especially while she is still having an affair.

Have you exposed to your kids? I would respond to future texts with: I'm doing what is necessary to protect our family. If you end your affair now and agree to never contact POSOM again we can work on our marriage.

In Plan A you avoid relationship talk. Quit negotiating.

What plan A stuff did you do/plan to do this week?

To whom did you send the workplace exposure letters?

Those text messages were so carefully composed, it was like reading a screenplay. Why are you focusing on the dramatic details of your situation rather than implementing a plan for recovery?

the conversation went on after I posted the first. Here's the continuation. There's some deep fog and enabling here beware:

Me: I think we do have more to discuss. And I'm willing, but very untrusting of you. I do hope you have a good day to. You and lizzie have fun. Early release today 1245. FYI I have not berated you, I asked you to stop seeing your BF so we wouldn't cause undue stress on us and the kids. I asked if you continued your affair to see if you were even willing to think about the damage you have caused to our family.I asked you questions to see if you would continue to hide things and lie to me and your children. I told you the truth about the lawyer, and recording conversations, and wanting to put the kids in daycare. You're the one with secrets not me.

WW: Again I ask, please do not continue to contact me regarding this case or situation. Your last sentence was incomplete..."you're the..."??

Me: You're the one with secrets not me. And you've been keeping them from me for years. I'm not mad or angry or any different than I've ever been. So I ask again. Will you consider ending it with Brandon for now and working with me?

WW: There is nothing to end. The only thing that needs to end is our marriage. That is the only thing I will work with you on. Drop the restraining order and stop trying to make me out to be mentally unstable and unsuitable to raise my own children whom I love more then anything in this world and settle this.

Me: That's what I'm talking about. We will end this marriage by working together toward that goal. But I cannot have you running off to see him every day. It hurts me and your children. The restraining order is not meant to be anything other than protection for me and our kids. I will be happy to drop it when you show me you're willing to work with me.

WW: But I cannot have you...?

Me: But I cannot have you running off to see him every day. It hurts me and your children. And you refuse to acknowledge this.

WW: Be happy to drop....?

Me: I will be happy to drop it when you show me you're willing to work with me.

WW: I do not run off every day to see him. I'm working jake. And getting things done that I need done. Having girl time with MIL. There is no him. I don't know why you're so stuck on that.

Me: No him? So you're not seeing POSOM? You're not taking him home and spending hours at his house? While still married?

WW: I do give some of my coworkers rides home on occassion because its the right thing to do. And when my boss asks me to pick up her kid I see no issue in that. I have friends at work BS I'm not going to change that. I need a support system just like anyone else.

Me: Why are you avoiding this question? Are you afraid to put it in writing that you're having another affair?

WW: And according to the papers you filed we ceased to live together as husband and wife on jan 6. So I might be married but if texas recognized separations I would be legally separated. But that is not the issue. The issue is that we need to do what is best for our kids and either we can do it or let the judge decide. I am not avoiding any questions BS. But if you cannot be amicable with me I ask you for the third time today to stop talking with me about this and have your lawyer call me.

Me: I already am doing what's best for my children. I'm taking them away from an unstable situation. I'm spending my time with them while you go do whatever. I'm taking them to church, and helping with homework, and finding childcare, and cleaning up after them, and cleaning up after you.

WW: Your messga ebroke off at I'm spending my ti...

Me: I'm being the best father I can be. I'm molding and shaping our children into good kids. And I'll continue to do that everyday. One day I hope you find what you're looking for. This happier life you think is out there. I know what makes me happy, my family. It always has. When you want to be part of it you can, when you don't you don't have to be. Just don't hurt us anymore with your destructive behavior. Please.

WW: ...parent of the year. Where were you for the last 6 years while I did everything for them? And for you. They don't need childcare BS. They haveme. And family.

Me: I was there by your side to pull you out of whatever despair you were in. You just never asked unless you were drunk.

WW: Being apart from each other and with strangers 90% of the time is NOT good for them. Why can't you understand that? They need to be with us right now. One of us. Me when you're working and you when I'm working. Stop this. Right now.

Me: I don't like it either, but it's better than being exposed to where you're heading. I've been trying to stop it. Why don't you see that. You're getting everything you want.

WW: And no you weren't there. You got arrested when I needed you when I was pregnant and I had to find money to pay you bail and stay up driving back and forth between leander and georgetown while you werre in jail trying to get you released. And you weren't there for me after I had DS oOr lizzie. When she was born I needed you and you weren't there. You pushed us aside. You didn't want kids when we had them. And you never adapted. I did. I grew up fast. Because I knew I had to care for them because you wouldn't.

Me: I helped you with plugged milk ducts, and back aches, and tried to help you through your post-partum. You couldn't stand to be near lizzie when she was born. After DS was born neither of us knew how to be parents, you were overprotective and I was unprepared. I told you long ago what I wanted most in life was to be a husband and father. I chose you to be my wife and mother to my kids. When I needed you most after I lost my job, you left me to visit your ex-bf and "see if there was anything there". I put up with your infidelities and flirting with other men for years. All you can see right now is what I did wrong.

WW: That is not true.

Me: Take responsibility for your actions, open your eyes to what you're doing. Ask yourself if you would have wanted to grow up with a mom who does what you do.

WW: There was no infidelities. Stop badgering me. Right now.

Me: Stop hurting me and the kids with lies.

A while ago.


I cooked dinner Monday night from scratch, her favorite. I didn't complain because I don't really like italian food, we bought her flowers too. Then watched a movie like a real family would.

I will continue to be early for work every day and pour myself into it.
I will spend as much quality time as I can with my children and invite/include WW to join when she chooses to be here.
I will continue to clean up after the kids, laundry, house, backyard, car.
On Feb 11th is our 7yr. anniversary, I would like to take her out and have her wear that nice dress she bought but hasn't worn.
I will read SAA.



Her company is owned by a private equity firm which buys distressed companies and resells, dismantles, or restores them. I sent to the only address for them I could find.