thanks NG.

The bomb will be dropped when I am home for good.

Ahhhh, I misunderstood.

Anyway, stay with option 1 for the visit.

My vote is also for option 1.

You will not have any kind of relaxing vacation while you are away with the kids allowing our wife to go on a date w/OM. This is enabling her A... to have a VERY romantic time while you are off providing the child care... Your imagination will run wild. That sounds a definition of purgatory to me.

Vets: what suggestions for Plan A coping mechanisms for L & F during his visit home?

Ok, thanks for advise.

Have booked tickets and am heading home.

On another note. Should I recommend to my WW she reads HNHN and SAA?

or should I wait for exposure then recommend?

Wasn't the plan to go home and expose in February? The longer you wait to do this, the harder it will be to bust up this affair. I would drop the exposure bomb on the day or day before you come home. And I certainly wouldn't even consider going on a vacation. You need to be at home with her.

When will that be?? I really thought that February was a long stretch. You are thinking of prolonging this even more? To when? It may be too late if you go much longer.

Feb was always a vacation,march was end of contract and return for good. Its far from ideal but my situation is dire. I know it may be too late but I have no choice.

I cannot fully expose (which I plan to do, there are literally over 1000 people to expose to) and not be there indefinitely to deal with the aftermath.

If I expose on this scale and jump on a plane a week later the damage my WW and her enablers will reek havoc on my already diminished marriage, name and efforts to date. I need to deposit LU big time after and cannot do this from a million miles away. She will deny, he will deny and I must be there to reinforce.

First off, there are not 1000 exposure targets. That is crazy and completely unncessary. I would whittle that list down considerably. And secondly, if you expose right before you come home on vacation you would have 10 days at home to deal with the fallout. I am not sure what you mean when you say her enablers can wreak havoc on your marriage, just count on that and you won't be disappointed. They will do that whether you are there or not. You have no control over them.

And you will not be able to make *ANY* lovebank deposits for quite some time. If you are successful in killing the affair, she would have another few weeks of withdrawal before you come home for good. That would be a GREAT scenario.

Fair Point ML, spot on as usual.

I was under the impression that exposure should happen to all FB friends etc. Between the 3 people concerned there are 900 or so contacts.

I presume you are saying only expose to those that could make a difference? Close friends and family and work (HR). I intend to expose to all his "friends". The more I can show his "friends" what type of person he is the greater chance I have of him ending it.

The only facebook exposure would be to the OM's contacts.
I would go through the OM's list and rank your exposure targets in this order [as best you can tell]:

1. family members
2. married friends
3. single people

But I certainly wouldn't expand that beyond 200-300 people. That is way too time consuming. Everything else you can do via phone, email, letter. You can do the workplace exposure via email if you have to. You can call her family members, your family members and then shoot out emails to the rest of the family and close friends.

Quick Question on exposure.

How do I provide proof of the affair. Do I state in the letters that I have proof and if someone wants to see it to email me?

Do I provide proof in the letters?

I know that WW and Om will deny this and many people may believe it, so I don't want this exposure to fizzle out?

You tell them.

You're using the templates in the Exposure 101 thread, correct?

very similar,short and to the point but with a slight variation to our situation

One way to do this very effectively is to start up a little webpage and post your proof and include a link in the email. We had a BS do this once with an OW who was the pillar of the community and was denying the affair. The effect was DEVASTATING!!

She explains how to do it [her name is rainysweet] on my exposure thread. All you need to do is upload enough evidence so they can't deny it. It is much more impactful than saying that you have evidence.

The webpage that rainysweet set up was very simple and it was free.

L&F,
What goes on? Have you decided on acting on Mel's most recent advice on exposure?

L&F;

On kinglui's thread, I saw you mention your plan for exposing on your FB page. If I understand you correctly, this is only a partial exposure. Partial exposure doesn't work, and could only serve to drive your WW's affair underground.

Suggest you post an update, so the vets here can help you make your exposure plan as effective as possible.

I know how hard this all must be for you.

I cat. I plan to go full exposure, as in ML's 101 plan.

A few people already know - her sister and her friend. But thats about it, I think.

HI All,

I've been off the grid again for about a week. Two reasons, work has once again consumed my every moment and I don't have that much to report or ask from my last posts so don't want to take valuable time from advisers.

I am now back in the UK, with the family and my WW.

I arrived yesterday to a very sterile reception, pleasant but emotionless. No reception at the airport, instead a message from WW saying "I am out with the and my girlfriends, will see you later". To be expected I suppose. Obviously the kids were ecstatic to see me which was great.

I have lost all evidence that the A is still in motion. Its been about two months since I have gathered any info that they are still in contact. My snooping tactics have been nullified as my WW suspects I am snooping.

I think the A has gone further underground as I am not convinced she has ended it. They also work together so still see each other everyday. But they are not emailing, texting or calling each other.

It will be very difficult to start again as she has blocked all access to phones and computers. Damn.

One question I do have is regarding this concert she is going to. She has bought two tickets and says the other is for her friend (the enabler) but I suspect its for posom. Now I have also bought tickets to the same show. Should I tell her I also have tickets and we should go together? Or should I just go with a friend without her knowledge and try catch her out?

The latter may prove difficult as it will be nigh on impossible to find her in the masses.

Can you afford a PI?

I take it, you never did a proper exposure? A workplace exposure?