How many women that work at this company are from South America with two kids and were gone the whole month of November? Is this info coming from your WH?

TLP, the fact that he won't give you her name should be an automatic deal breaker. It should tell you loudly that his affair is still active if he is protecting the OW at your expense. His affair is far from over.

People who have nothing to hide, don't hide.

The exposure bomb is your strongest weapon against the affair. If you were a general preparing for battle, would you forewarn your enemy by revealing your strongest weapon in advance? Until the affair is over, your husband is your enemy, not your ally. If you forewarn him, he'll have time to spread misinformation so people won't take your exposure seriously. Don't give him the opportunity to sabatoge your strongest weapon!

x 2

I would not have let him come home for this alone, TLP. That you don't know who OW is, is pure bs. Why did you let him come back without this very BASIC information?

I use to work at the same company where my husband and this other woman still works. I've been in contact with a couple employees and have them digging around so wish me luck! I can't wait to confront her! I think my husband is running scared with what I told him to do two days ago...tell his boss about her and hope he'd have solutions to remove one of them from the project and situation. Today I arranged a meeting for next Wednesday with a Director at the company to talk about opportunities, etc. I'm considering taking my power back and get a job there. My husband is definitely aware of how I'm thinking about informing management about this situation...if he pisses me off enough, I'm going to send his boss the email I sent to another manager at his work who actually knows who this woman is but didn't give me her name. My husband will definitely get fired and the other woman might as well. Using company time to flirt/have a fling isn't acceptable. Thanks for all the comments, I appreciate them all.

In other words, you completely ignored all of our posts and are sticking with your failed strategy?

You say you want to "confront her" and that your husband is "running scared" and you want to "take your power back" and your husband better not "piss you off." What is the point of talking tough while refusing to follow a plan that could save your marriage?

TLP, please go back and read everything that was posted to you. You were given a very good plan of action to save your marriage and you are continuing to ignore it. You must act now or you will lose your husband.

Please listen to Melodylane and do what she has advised.

TLP, if you will cool your jets and be strategic instead of reactionary, we can help you kill this affair and cause enormous problems for the OW. But that is not going to happen with your plan. Your plan is one of idle threats that will get you nowhere. And in the end, the OW will still have your husband.

Just wanted to give you all an update...

On Feb. 1st, my kids and I drove down to his work and pulled-up right behind his car to catch him and this other woman for a lack of better words together. I got out of my mini van and told my oldest to come out as well at which point I said "boys this is the woman that helped your dad wreck your family unit then I closed off by saying you both should be ashamed of yourselves for what you've done to these kids". My husband just waved to his kids and me and didn't bother to get out of his vehicle to console his children and drove off. Some guy! He put that woman first before his own flesh and blood. You've never seen a man rush home to his family home and pack so fast in your life!

On Sunday, February 3rd, I started to finally declutter my home and packed 15 big black garbage bags of his clothes and put them on the doorstep! That felt wonderful.

On February 6th, I served him with Divorce papers and filed under adultery so it will speed-up the process from hopefully 12 months to 6 if he doesn't contest anything. It feels good to take back my power! I am fighting for 90% custody and him only having 10%. At this point, my kids hate him and don't even want to speak or see him.

We all deal with things differently but I tell ya, I couldn't believe my husband had chosen this woman over me...I was expecting her to be some drop-dead gorgeous woman from Venezuela but on the contrary, she wasn't! My oldest said "I can't believe Dad picked her over you Mom!" By seeing them together hurt me but brought closure to this whole mess. I honestly think that once a cheater, always a cheater!

I've been in a DivorceCare program in my city for 3 weeks now and I've gotten lots of support there and know that I'm not alone. The feelings of drastic emotions I've gone through since this all started is normal but everyday I'm getting stronger and stronger. The best part of this whole thing is that my boys no longer blame me for the way their Dad has acted over the past 5 months and hate him! He has ripped me apart for the last time and now I'm going to take him to the cleaners in court to protect my children. I plan on putting a court order in place which will prevent him from having any female friends or girlfriends around him while he has visitation with our children. I am also going to file a separate court order which the government will take away his passport so that will affect his opportunity of going on any trips with his girlfriends. lol

I encourage everyone in the same position as I am, to look deep withing yourselves and ask yourself "do you honestly think you'll be able to ever trust your partner again?" and "What would it take to find closure or give-up hope on your marriage?"

Is he still living at home?

Nope... I kicked him out on February 1st for good!
Yesterday I had the locks rekeyed so he can't ever come back. Thankfully I have my children living with me. It will be a week tomorrow since all hell broke lose and my children still don't want to talk with their father. He has really burned his bridges with them.

Did you do an exposure? At their work?

Amazing how cold and heartless they can be. My WH walked away from me and his two yr old with his POSOW while we were both crying. Divorce care helped me a lot. Are you going to plan B him- letter and all? Or are you not interested in reconciliation whatsoever?

Did you ever expose this affair?

This is such a sad update, especially for your children. Some people just don't want to recover their marriage after adultery, but some of us do, did. I did and it was the best choice for ME and my family. My husband did a complete turn around and our marriage became better than ever. This was back in 2002-2003. Our final years together were wonderful and sweet. See, I lost my sweetheart to colon cancer in November. I have NO regrets about fighting for my marriage and then recovery. It was so worth it. Recovery AND forgiveness IS possible. There are many people here who have done the same. I'm sorry you chose a different path.

You should request that the mods move your thread over to divorced because your last post is no where near encouraging to those who are trying to decide whether to try and save their marriage. That's why they're here. On MARRIAGE Builders and Surviving An Affair.

Divorce IS necessary sometimes, but geeze, sometimes it's worth it to go the distance.

Good luck to you.

P.S. "Closure" is just a pop psychology word invented by the media. There is no such animal, especially for the children.

"The best part of this whole thing is that my boys no longer blame me for the way their Dad has acted over the past 5 months and hate him! "

How sad for your children. Do you think hating their father will be good for them?

TLP,
It is well within your right to chose divorce.
You don't have to want to try to save the marriage.

Your kids are also blessed to know the true story of what happened between their parents.

Since you are not going to try to reconcile and the kids will always have that man as their father, and they know the truth of the cheating.......let them chose how to move forward with their dad.

He was a creep to decide to pick a coworker over his wife and kids but

now do your legal thing and step back from spewing anger about their dad where they can hear it.

You can be sad and mad about it but do not let the kids see you be nasty. Let them see the best you. Someone who deals with their emotions in a constructive way.

Peace to you and your family.

I would be more concerned if they adored their father after what he has done to them. Abandoning their family for some hoe often causes children to hate the unfaithful parent. Sometimes for life. What is bad for children is adultery. It wrecks lives.

They should be allowed to feel as they feel. As ML said, if they adored him now, it would be a sure sign that his adulterous ways were permeating their minds and making them think that adultery is OK...when it's not.

Hate is natural when your father chooses a hoe over you.