Hi there, newbie here with very little info so hoping somebody can please help me...

Ok, so here's my story (I'll try to be as brief as possible).

Married 9 years with an 8 year old Son. Happily married (or so I thought) to a woman who told me she loved me morning, noon and night everyday of the week.

The day after her 39th Birthday I got the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" speech - she told me she wanted to separate. I immediately thought someone else was involved but she promised it wasn't the case.

Did everything wrong; begged, pleaded, cried and she agreed to come to marriage counselling. After 2 sessions she told me she was "done" and "would never love me again" - that day she left the house and moved into her parent. (We now have 50/50 custody of our Son.

2 days after she moved out she was spotted in a shopping centre holding hands with a man who works in a gallery opposite her. She promised me nothing was going on and they "were just friends" and he "understands what she is going through".

We are now into the 3rd week of our separation - she is with this man as often as possible; nights out etc and she has already filled for divorce!

She still swears nothings going on with him - I obviously don't know about this.

I don't know much about the man other than he has just been going through a nasty divorce and has an apartment in Paris which he is deciding whether to go back too or not.

I outed her to her parents immediately - they were horrified, but I think now they have bought into her stories and believe nothing is going on.

Now, I know that a woman doesn't generally leave a loving husband and family unless she has eyes on someone else...

The truth is, I do want her back - as I desperately miss us being a family. These days she will hardly spend any time with me.

If anyone has any ideas/suggestions of what I could and should do I would greatly appreciate them. Thank you.

Suggestion the first: Click "notify" at the bottom of this note and ask the moderator to move this thread to Surviving an Affair. You certainly know why.

Suggestion the second: Read this below, and decide whether or not to fight!

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

She has now moved out so I have zero access to any of her phones/laptop/car etc so most of this would be very difficult.

Can you afford to hire a PI? If you can I would hire a PI to get the goods. I would also do a background check on this man and contact his wife.

Can you get ahold of her cell phone bill to see how long she has been talking to this man? It would help if you could find out how long this affair has been going on.

In all honesty I simply can't afford it. I now have the house and everything to pay for by myself.
BUT I know she's cheating and who with, so why do I need to gather evidence? People have seen them together.

Didn't you tell us this?

Ok that's a good point - BUT if I were to get evidence now they would probably take the stance of "well you're separated now" etc.

If it is ok to commit adultery, though, then why is she denying it? She wouldn't need to deny it if that is their stance.

Do you have access to her cell phone bills? Have you spoken to the OM's wife?

OM's Wife ex wife lives in Paris - doesn't appear to have Facebook etc. I have no access to her phone bills either unfortunately.

Do you know this for a FACT? Have you investigated to see if she lives with him? Does the OM have a facebook page?

And do they have phones in Paris?

My suggestion would be to start doing some detective work and find out everything you can about the OM. Find his wife, his parents, friends, etc. Then do a massive exposure of the affair according to my Exposure 101 thread. Bring the affair out in the open and kill it. If you do this, it will be much harder to replace you with the OM and you will have a much greater chance of saving your marriage.

Can't find him on Facebook as he has rather a common name - my Wife has now deleted her Facebook page...

Not investigated much at all because I am at a loss of how to.

Does your wife just have you blocked? And can you think of ways to investigate him?

No, my Wife has removed her whole Facebook account. I really can't think of any ways to investigate him - I'm not even 100% certain of his last name.

You know where he works, right? Why can't you call there and ask for his name? Or go there and ask another employee?

Can you go follow him for a day and see where he lives?

I tried going to his place of work - his Dad worked out who I was (recognised me) and refused to tell me anything.

I really am at a loss of how to gather more information about him.

Did you speak to his dad and tell him about the affair?

Yes - his Dad just smiled but apparently he has had a mistress for several years.

He told you this?