My husband had a five month affair with a 20 yr old waitress. three months into it we had a huge argument and he let it slip he had cheated on me. He swore it was over and wanted to rebuild our marriage. We started marriage counseling and improved our marriage %100 so I thought. Two months later I find out he is still seeing her. I filed for divorce and kicked him out. Their affair ended right that day. We kept going back and forth with different counslers. Another month went by before I made him change his cell phone number and he walked around depressed for three days. Five months after last contact with her he finds out she is getting married and gets depressed for the rest of the day. I love him but I don't want to be with a man that loves someone else. I've begged him to tell me how he really feels and all he can say is he doesn't want to be with her he wants to be with me. Is this normal? I understand it takes time for a cheater to get over his mistress but its been seven months already and he still has sad feelings when it comes to her. I am getting ready to force him to go face her so he can sort out his feelings because I would rather be alone than with a man who cannot give me all his love. Please any advice would be helpful. We had been married for 7 years and that point and have two kids.

Step 1: Buy a copy of Dr. Harley's "Surviving An Affair": http://www.amazon.com/Surviving-an-..._0?ie=UTF8&qid=1360602322&sr=8-1

It's the best ten bucks you'll ever spend.

Step 2: Read it. Twice.

Step 3: Post here again if you still have the same question. I can point out several areas where you're clearly setting yourself up for failure by your brief message, but until you understand the Basic Concepts, you're going to really struggle if you want to recover your marriage.

Huge mistake. He does't need to "sort out" his feelings and he certainly doesn't need to see the OW. That is telling a recovering alcoholic to go have a drink because he misses alcohol.

I see you started a thread in the SAA forum in June of 2012. Several posters took the time to give you advice, directed you toward exposure, etc. You just dropped off the face of the earth.

Did you read any of the articles linked to you? Do you know the basic Marriage Builders concepts? Did you ever read Surviving an Affair and follow any of the plan set forth by Dr Harley to recover from an affair (or multiple, in your case)?

If you wish for your marriage to recover, you need to get to work! Disappearing for another 6 months will not solve the problem or recover your marriage. Following the very narrow path to recovery WILL.

If you want to divorce instead, that's your choice too and nobody will fault you for that.

If, however, you choose another 6 months of inaction, you will be back here again in 6 months time.

Bought the book. Thanks!

Lady, Ill repeat this for effect, HE IS NOT TO SEE OR SPEAK TO this woman at any time. He is to write a letter explaining that their relationship was nothing but a mistake and he has begun to repair the marriage he almost destroyed and they are never to have any contact in any manner. There are several NO CONTACT letter templates around here. You approve it and drop in the mail.

here

[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX
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