So yesterday WS ended it with OW and today he is a complete wreck to the point that I stayed home from work scared for his safety.

I am worried about him of course - he is the father of my children after all.

But, as the day has gone on he has calmed down and is now just withdrawn, and I find my empathy from earlier in the day slipping away and resentment sliding in big time.

All I can think about is the days and weeks of utter devastation I went through when he told me about the affair. And the fact that he was immune at the time to my feelings and continued his affair. That I suffered alone and unseen by him but I have to now witness his grief for OW and relive my pain in the process.

A large part of his reaction is the fact that he lied to both OW and I. I think it's killing him that he not only has to walk away from her, but that she now hates him too.

I know that's his cross to bear, but I'm on the sidelines thinking "when is it my time?" Is he ever going to realise what he's done to me?

We are starting counselling later this week and at this stage I just want a plan to survive the next couple of weeks without giving in to the urge to run.

WS is also going to see his doctor for anti-depressants and his therapist to work through his issues.

Infidelity truly is a crime against humanity. If only there was a way for people to know this before they gave into their selfish urges and cheated.

Don't count on the breakup being permanent.
He will be very tempted to contact her and vice versa.

Read up on how to handle this if/when it happens.

Also, counselling is not going to help you two. You need to follow the marriagebuilders plan. Spend lots of time together, don't lovebust, etc.

Thanks.

If contact re-starts it will definitely be from him. I read their emails and she tried to end it a few times over the past few months but each time it was him that caved in. But that was before she knew he was lying to her so she may not take him back. I remain vigilant regardless.

I am just overwhelmed by resentment today which makes being near him very difficult. I want to save our marriage but I need him to meet my emotional needs too. I just want someone else to take charge of this nightmare who isn't me.

Oh well, tomorrow is another day I guess.

You have been advised to cease creating new threads daily.
You will frustrate folks here who have to hunt all over
Harley's creation to get information to frame their answers
to you. While you might not care about our frustration, as
you get fewer responses in general, and markedly fewer from
the more experienced correspondents here, the quality of your
support will dwindle.

Anyway, in an effort to not only burn the weeds (WH), but also poison the root system (POSOW), you should ensure that she is aware of the number and extent of the lies he has fed her. I would also ensure that here still-official husband is aware of their dalliance as well. It might assist him in his task of getting rid of the slut under more advantageous conditions.

SIS, were you going to respond to our posts on your other threads? We can't help you if you don't respond to our posts. The purpose of the forum is not to blog, but to interact with others who can give you solutions. It is also very hard to follow your story when you don't stick to one thread. Most people don't have the time to go read numerous other threads and no one has the time to make posts that are ignored.

Please notify this post and ask the mods to merge your posts.

Has he sent a NC letter?
here
[from SAA, pg 58]

OW, I want you to know that out of respect and love for my wife and children, I have come to realize that I must never see or talk to you again. My relationship with you was a cruel indulgence that BS did not deserve. While I cannot completely repay BS for the pain I caused her, I will do my best to become the husband she has been missing. I care a great deal for my family and I would not want to do anything to risk their happiness. I will not make any further contact with you and I do not want you to make any contact with me. Please respect my desire to end our relationship.

Sincerely, XXXXX