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Found the OM but can't find OMW. WS has yet to say anything about exposure. She will be back in town Tuesday night from a 4 day work week.
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Found the OM but can't find OMW. WS has yet to say anything about exposure. She will be back in town Tuesday night from a 4 day work week. 1. are your exposure targets calling her? 2. have you tried calling the OM's house to see if the OMW answers?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Don't know I have not spoken to her in 4 days.
OM's and wife are separated and I have not been able to find her. Seached via google with no results.
I would like to get my WS cell phone but it has a password on it and I can't get in.
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How do you know they are separated? If it came from from your WS, it's very likely she is lying. It's worth a shot calling the number you have.
Time is of the essence here. Get this done today, before your WW gets home tonight. Otherwise she will forewarn the OP and he will spin a story about a jealous husband to his BS, as I bet he does have one.
Last edited by Rocketqueen; 02/12/13 01:26 PM.
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and get a keylogger on any computer she uses!
she's probably quitting because her and OM are concocting some way to move closer to each other...
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Don't know I have not spoken to her in 4 days.
OM's and wife are separated and I have not been able to find her. Seached via google with no results.
I would like to get my WS cell phone but it has a password on it and I can't get in. Have you tried calling the OMs house to see if she lives there? Just because a liar says he is "separated" does not mean it is true. We have actually had waywards move into the guest room and claim to be "separated."  Call the OMs house and disguise your # using *67 so your name does not come up on the caller ID.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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WS made it back to town last night she would barely talk to me. Said that friends had told her about the affair. She was really mad. I can't track down the cell number for om want to install tracker on her phone. She keeps it with her all the time. Plus it has a password on it that I can't figure out. If I reset it she will know for sure. I hacked three of her email accounts once and she has reset passwords at least for the computer I can get in and install a key logger
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Have you tried calling directory assistance in his town or checked whitepages.com to see if you can get a landline?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Have not tried that but I have used the online phone books. No such luck finding anything. Hope keylogger pulls some information from the computer.
WS leaves tomorrow for a two week trip, work as flight attendant.
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I thought she quit that job? Has something changed?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Still have not found the OM's spouse. Have told everyone else. Wife was very mad. We had a big arguement during which she said that she noticed that I had changed for the better but could not reconcile with someone that had invaded her private things and spied on her. Plus I did go over the top and call her several bad names.
This all happened yesterday morning. She still will not admit to the affair and tells me I don'e know what is happening. While she also says that if she told me I would hold it over her head. I let her know that I want to save this marriage and would not resent her.
Don't know if I have screwed things up or not. She said that today she was going to work on her divorce case. Kind of worried that I might have gone to far.
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You haven't screwed up a damn thing. Remind yourself of that every day if you have to -- you did what you had to do to save your marriage.
The bullcrap about invading her privacy is wayward fog. Ignore it, completely ignore it. Privacy for an adulteress is laughable -- privacy is for shutting the bathroom door, not for having a secret life where she does whatever she wants with whatever man she wants.
Should you get to recovery, have no doubt that she will love and admire you for doing this, for assaulting the enemy, as it were. Exposure is your greatest weapon and you deployed it.
Keep looking for the spouse, but other than that -- I tip my hat to you, sir.
One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger
I will not spend my life this way.
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To piggyback of what KR said. Anything that comes from her mouth is unintelligible fog babble that is used to keep you complacent while she has an affair. You should read the thread on gas lighting and decoding fogbabble. Wish I knew how to do links...
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Good job on exposure. The madder they are, the better. You're only mistake is not being prepared for her anger and getting into it with her. No matter. Get into plan A mode and be the best husband you can be while she deals with the fall out of exposure.
When WW is angry have a standard response ready, like "I'm doing whatever it takes to save our marriage, Do you want some coffee?"
Did you expose to anyone on OM's side? How did WW meet OM?
Me BW: 30
WH: 33
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FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.
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Thanks to you all for the comments I was really worried that I had screwed up.
Last night when I went home I started to talk with her to apoligize for the names that I called her, nothing else. She bit my head off. But later wanted me to come watch tv with her and we had plenty of small talk.
Going back to be the best husband I can be and meeting all her needs.
Reviewed the Gaslighting and the Wayward Fogbabble posts. Makes a lot of sense. One statement that she did make was that she did what she did to "survive". Like she needed sex to survive.
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Well she is still pretty cold and I guess mad about the other day. I have been nice but she is blowing me off. Kids and I are having lots of fun together. I know that she is already jealous of our relationship. Plus the fact that she is unemployeed and can't see her boyfriend has to be depressing for her.
Trying to do the best that I can even had flowers sent to her. She didn't even mention that they were home. I see them, not going to mention anything until she does.
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ok, what about the OM's wife? What is the plan to get to her?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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ahhh, I see she is not traveling anymore? That is great! That gives you a chance to save this. Do you have the book Surviving an Affair? I would sit her down and offer a plan to transform your marriage. She might tell you to go to hell at first, but if you plant the seed that this is a program that can restore the romantic love in your marriage, she may get on board.
Which of our books do you have?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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