No, you have not earned a divorce. You have done nothing to effectively work on your marriage.
Everything came to my mind I have someone that could be possibly be a mother to my kids just as I would want a mother to be to her kids, I was more acceptable to this because my children would have a women in their lives since their mother wasn't
You married in total ignorance of what her needs were. And, you seems to not care what her needs are.
So me thinking of my children and little about me I decided to go ahead for my children sake.
This is not entirely truthful, sir. You married her so she could babysit. That is for your sake. It was certainly not to meet the obligations inherent in being an outstanding husband.
And yes, my wife today thinks I did this for my children and not really out of love and care for her.
She is not wrong in her thinking, is she?
I only knew her for 3 months and married.
Well, too late. You're married almost two years. Time to make the necessary changes to love & support your wife the way you ought to have been doing from the start.
Start now.
I feel now obligated to stay and make sure she takes care of herself and the kids not mine, because i still give the love and attention they need and since I do that she doesn't get that much from me.
You took a vow. Your honor and your integrity depend on how you honor your vow.
Your wife is a human being and she deserves more than what you have given her thus far.
But i know and feel in my heart they need it more right now more than she does and she may not think so.
You know in your heart? Really? You are feeling things. That does not make them facts. Tell me what your brain KNOWS. Your heart FEELS.
What your brain should know is that your children do not need a home filled with drama and chaos, and the stress of a second divorce.
What your brain should know is that what your children need is a father who is a fine roll model of a stand-up guy who treats his wife with love and care.
Your children need you to be an example of how a man treats a woman. A husband who does not use his wife as a maid/housekeeper/nanny and expect her to be happy without his love/care/respect.
I have recently been giving off this reluctant attitude and to being disrespectful and caring but right now all I think about is divorce now and it hasn't stopped.
Because you don't know how else to solve this problem. Tell me.... Are you too lazy to learn how to have a happy marriage? A marriage where both of you treat each other with love and kindness? I hope your response is;
"Hell no! I'm not too lazy to learn how to turn this thing around." I hope you say;
"Tell me where to start."But, I won't waste my time if what you want is the easy way out. That might just be your comfortable pattern.
Look at this.
Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.
Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.
Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accomodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carper, replacing the roof, and even doinf some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.
You refuse to make deposits into your wife's Love Bank, and then wonder why she often brings up divorce??? Really? You have not given her what she needs to desire to stay.
The above is a quote from one of Dr. Harley's excellent books.
You, sir, are a
Freeloader.
Are you ready to make a change?
***LINK*** to the Love Bank If you stay on MB you will become a better man.
Or, you will remain a Freeloader.
