I've been divorced from my XH for 7 years now. he was a WH with an OC. I have dated a few men since then, but I find it complicates things when it comes to the kids and such so I am much happier being alone.

Several years ago I met this man and we clicked right away. We had a chemistry that I hadn't felt in a long time with anyone. We started dating and I starting falling for him. A few months later I found out he was also seeing other women. Thanks for telling me. I broke it off immediately.

He supposedly settled down for "one of the women". The following summer, he contacted me and asked me if we could meet for lunch. He said his GF kicked him out of the house and he was distraught. I was there as a friend for him, nothing else. he went back to her. Fast forward to TG of 2012. He wants to "hook up with me". Hook up with me? right...I meet up with him...nothing sexual, although he was expecting it. I made it clear to him that, although I did have feelings for him, I would not cross that line as long as he was in a committed relationship. He shrugged it off.

he continued to send me flirty texts. Last summer, something happened, I can't remember what...but he contacted me and told me things were really bad with his GF...he couldn't place a finger on it...but he had deep feelings for me and knew he wanted to be with me...bla bla bla...I again, told him, I would not get involved with him if he is in a committed relationship. I made the mistake of going out with him on a "day date". Again, nothing sexual...I knew at this point, it was beginning to get emotional. I stopped it and told him i could no longer talk to him or see him again.

He continues to text me. I do not respond. This past weekend he sent me a text "are you interested in getting together this afternoon?". I had left my charger at my house and was over at my moms for the weekend so my phone was dead until sunday night. He texted 3 times... I mistakenly replied back "sorry, my phone was dead, is everything ok?". He replied "yes, everything is fine, I just wanted some ******* time".

At this point, I really feel I need to tell his GF about his infidelity and persuance of me over the years. I have all the text messages from him. But is that the right thing to do? I know if I do this, it will burn all bridges of friendship.

advice?

Do you really want to keep the frienship?

If he'll do it with you he'll do it to you

Advice. Change your number and ditch this guy and his drama.

ST,

You have too much self-respect and acheivement to allow a guy like that to control you. Rat him out to high heaven to make sure he NEVER contacts you again!!!

God Bless
Gamma

First of all, none of the people involved in this manufactured drama (not you, SpecialTeacher, not "Playah", nor Playah's GF) seems interested in being married right now. Technically, there is no infidelity here. He's not being unfaithful to any vows he's ever made to her. Unethical, yes, quite. Unfaithful? Nope. Not as far as you know.

And if he has pursued you for 3 years, it's because you've sent him clear signals over the years that his pursuit & interest in you, if not always welcome, is at least not consistently unwelcome to you, and tends to morph quickly from "unwelcome" to "welcome" on the basis of something as profound as ...a silly text message.

He's a grown-up, and you're not his mommy; nothing about his text message of this past weekend required you to ask "Is everything ok?"

About the only thing more there is to say is, if you continue, through such silliness as your deliberate ("mistaken") response to his text, to deliberately keep this guy in your life, you already know exactly what you're going to get from him: More of the same.

So maybe the most important question you could be asking yourself right now isn't "Should I tell his GF?", but rather, "What is it about me that makes me think I'd want to keep around a guy like that in my life even as a 'just a friend'?"

***edit***
Because that it what is going on here, and you know it very well. I do enjoy the "mistaken" reply, though. Verrrrry enticing. Of course, to keep Mr T-t simmering, you'll have to raise the stakes in your next "mistake", but you'll think of something.

****edit**

Yes, your xWH was a slimeball, but not all men are. You evidently have decided that the risk of pain of having a real relationship is lessened by nibbling at the edges of one, stealing from other women the attention that was stolen from you.

Evidence?

I starting falling for him...I found out he was also seeing other women...I broke it off immediately.

Not "I confronted him and asked to know if he could commit to our relationship."

he contacted me and asked me if we could meet for lunch. He said his GF kicked him out of the house and he was distraught. I was there as a friend for him,

Not "When I answered the phone and realized it was him, I politely told him I did not "counsel" men in other relationships about their love-lives, and hung up."

...TG of 2012. He wants to "hook up with me"...I meet up with him

Not "I told him his request was disgusting, disrespectful, and odious, and that if he ever called me again, I'd file a harassment charge against him. Then I called his current GF."

And on, and on......

So if you want to take the advice that you supposedly came here to ask for, you'll send Mr T-t and his GF separate letters expressing your shame at leading him on for years, but having had an injection of MB morals, you will NEVER speak,or text to him again, and if he really needs additional "******* time", he should negotiate that with GF, or one of his other skanks.

Now, aren't you glad you asked?

Special,

First, congratulations for pulling yourself together, getting through college and building a good life for you and your sons.

I read through your other posts and agree with the above posters that the real question is why haven't you blocked this guy's phone number long ago. He is a player and you should be able to recognize that trait better than most people can.



AM

NeverGuessed. You know nothing about me, my situation, nor my past, so do not claim you do. a bitter BW? No I am not. My past life has nothing to do with this current situation. I am simply seeking advice on whether to tell his GF about his seeking me out and any other potential or past "OW's" if you want to call it that.

I have to ask if you were with me the night I "confronted him and asked him if he could commit to our relationship"? because I don't recall it happening that way...in fact there is much more than just me finding out he was seeing other women...but I won't go into detail about that...

Not all BW continue to live the circle of lies, deceit, and mistrust and you are assuming I am living. I have never filed harassment charges on him or any other person to be blunt.

Let's stick to my original question and not read into anything you have no clue about. There are many things that are left out of stories for a reason...so don't assume anything.

My original question is "should I tell his GF about what he is doing? And how do I tell her?

To answer a few other questions: No i do not want this man in my life. He's a cheater and yes, I realize if he will do it do her with me, he will do it to me. I really don't care about the friendship at this point. There's nothing there...Aside from him sending me stupid texts every now and then...

Changing my number is not an option. you can slander me for that as well as to why I'm keeping my number. I'm just keeping it to keep this guy. NOT. I've had this number for 15 years. it would be disastrous to change it right now.

Look, I've been through this drama in the past. I know all the ins and outs of "plan A, Plan B, contact, no contact, etc...". This is not a matter of me going into no contact with this guy. I just want to know if it is the right thing to do to tell his GF and how do I go about doing that?

Thanks for the welcome advice

You seem to have misunderstood NG's post. The sentences NG highlighted in red are what you actually said; the sentences NG highlighted in blue are what you should have said.

I hate to say this but you know the ends and outs of MB right? Block his number send letters to his GF and him. To the GF explains how he pursued you over the years and how you lead him on. Please don't say you didn't, he is blunt he wants sex with multiple women. You met up with him when he requested this sex, even though you didn't it still shows interest. Detail your dates to GF and NC this scumbag. As for changing your number just block his and if he calls from another number immediately hang up. I agree with NG, you like the attention and he's meeting some of your needs that's why you keep him around and run to him about his "problems". I disagree with GO he is in a committed relationship with his GF aka exclusivity. He is violating that by pursuing you and god knows who else. I hope you do the right thing. Also I am appalled at the lame excuses you make for your actions. Being a FBS you should know your treading into affair territory? Tell this dirtbag your not his marriage/realtionship counselor and to kick hot rocks while wearing flip flops. Do the right thing

No one in this situation is married. In fact, the guy and his girlfriend aren't even engaged, and the guy obviously doesn't consider it an exclusive relationship. The protocol for dealing with an extramarital affair doesn't apply to this situation.

****edit****

You are right no one knows you, we can only go by what you have written here and you have EXTREMELY poor boundaries and a lack of moral compass when it comes to being involved with men who are in committed relationships. If you want to do the gf a favour and tell her what a scumbag she's with go ahead. But you've received the same advice from multiple people, just cut contact with the slimeball. You seem addicted to the attention.

JC, you're right in that there is no "adultery" going on here, which is why my wording ***edit** was so precise.

****edit***So, as I posited, her goal is to garner the scraps of this slimeball's amorous attentions without having to summon the courage, and responsibility, to seek out a more wholesome relationship.

****edit***

***edit***

He has poor boundaries and I wouldn't want him as a friend even.

I would ignore him and not give another thought to his sad life.

x 2

If you want to inform his gf, then send her the evidence you have and be done with it and him. What the gf does or doesn't do is none of your business. If the Pitiful One tries to contact you anymore, do not feed the troll.

True, we do not know you personally, but we have seen 'you' on this board many, many times. The posting names may be different, but the story (and the advice) typically remain the same. We can only work with what we are given, and you have admittedly left out information that may be important to the readers of your posts:
Also, I'm sorry, but yes, you CAN change your phone number. It's quite easy and your provider will usually not even charge you the first time you do so. You just need to make sure your contacts have your new number. One mass text, friend, and you're done.

I'm not questioning you as to why you haven't changed your number. I'm just letting you know that it CAN be done with a minimum of hassle. My H changed his number after D-Day - and this is a man who has many, many high-level contacts in our community and in his business. There was zero disruption, and the world kept turning. No sweat.

I WILL ask you this, though: as someone who claims to know the ins and outs of Marriage Builders and its attendant concept of boundaries, why didn't you block Mr. Scum after his first booty call? Something to think about...

Jumping back on my post to add: I re-read your post and didn't see any evidence of any concrete steps you took to eliminate contact with your Playboy, hence my admonition to take the minimal approach of blocking him. Be aware that this isn't the best solution, as he can easily circumvent the block by calling you from another number. So you can see where changing your number really IS the best solution to cutting off this avenue of contact.

I agree. You don't even have to change your number...just stop responding or block him. I had to block my number from a man who wouldn't stop calling me. Eventually he got the message---stop calling me!

I am curious to know why you think she needed to confront him. As far as she was concerned, it sounded like he "failed the interview" as a prospective mate. Breaking it off immediately was obvious choice. Now if he *asked* her why, she could certainly say. I think she did the right thing breaking up. Why should she ask him if he could commit? That would just give him a chance to lie, wouldn't it?

I'm just curious as to the reasoning here...

I agree on telling his GF. Were I dating a cheating guy, I would welcome knowing about it. It would not feel good, but it could save me a lifetime of heartache. It's the kindest thing you can do.