I completely disagree. We have been exploring this topic together and I actually emailed Joyce this question. Hopefully they address it on the radio program. We would like to get Dr Harley's viewpoint.

I asked her from the beginning 'how do you feel about this?' and would not do it without her enthusiastic agreement. She feels the way she feels and I respect it.

My comments were in response to those responding to this thread, not her.

This is a topic that we want to come to agreement together on for not just this situation but in the future.

So, we discussed it today and I told her, no problem. I will accomplish my goal a different way.

Good.

I am looking forward to hearing their answer. I don't really care what other people's opinions are; I want to know what the proper MB position is.

In my current understanding - No private meetings with the opposite sex is an EP, and so is not subject to POJA, and it applies equally to FWS and FBS alike. If I have that wrong, then I want to know.

20year emailed the question to Joyce regarding one on one meetings with the opposite sex. his questioned was addressed on todays radio program (the last 15 minutes of the program).
Dr. Harleys answer was that business meetings are okay as long as there was no personal talk and if the spouse wasn't uncomfortable with it. it is something that should be POJA'd.

by the way, 20year said it will not be a coffee meaning, but a phone call.

Thanks for the feedback.

Now are you enthusiastic about that?

very much so!
i have been thinking for the past few days about why the one on one meeting bothered me so much. i believe it was because the meeting was at a social casual setting (starbucks) and not in an office environment.

on another note,
how do I move this thread to the recovery forum?

Just hit NOTIFY and ask the MODS to move it.

Welcome to recovery, friend.

Clearmind and 20year,

I listened to your question read and discussed today on the show. It was refreshing to here Dr. H's advice and I can feel where both of you are coming from. My H and I have had several of the same conversations. Even though he no longer works in an environment where he has to work one on one with other females.

In the past whenever I was worried about one on one interaction he would always say that he always kept things business like and knew his boundaries (just like you 20). Being a wayward however Ii did worry because I thought I knew my boundaries as well and saw how quickly a business relationship can turn into something else.

The most refreshing thing that Dr. H said today was that this is definitely something that needs to always be POJA'd. If is is something that you don't feel comfortable sharing with your spouse then it is probably something that would make them feel uncomfortable. I think you guys did a great job POJAing it and making a decision that makes both of you safe.

I am really happy that both of you discussed this and asked Dr. Harley and Joyce about this decision. It was a good lesson for couples trying to recover.

Welcome to Recovery, friend.

Here's your and 20year's question.

Radio Clip About one on one Business meetings with OS

thanks for the clip brainhurts! 20year and i feel we have that issue under control but it is nice to have the clip for future reference.

there is another issue we are currently facing. my parents. there was a big blow up a little over a week ago with my husband and mother. there had been resentment building on my husbands behalf for the past 2 years and it finally came to a head.

So you know what to do when a spouse has an issue with an in law correct?

Have you read the fantastic posts on 20year's thread?

brainhurts,
i have been keeping up on 20's thread. very good information/advice. 20year and i know what we need to do.

tonight we are going to draft a letter to my parents. we are going to state to them what we expect from them if they are to be a part of our lives. i think (hope) they will respect that. we also need to leave the past aside and focus on now and future.

That is a very good idea. How are you going to handle it if they get angry and say no?

prisca,

i guess we will cross that bridge if it does happen. i am very hopeful that it wont get to that. they have 2 awesome grandkids that i am sure they will be considering.

I suggest you come up with a plan now for what you will do, because it's a real possibility. They may not believe you are serious about your boundaries unless you show them you are. And I would be clear upfront with them what you will do if they don't respect your boundaries.

My inlaws had 6 grandkids to consider, and it still took them 2 years of complete silence on our part for them to come around and start respecting me and my marriage.

what should I do when my betrayed husband says he doesn't want to be around me and not sure if he can do this (meaning recovery)?
just this afternoon he texted me that he feels good about us. is it normal/expected to have these opposite feelings when you are 1.5 years into recovery?

I'm confused.

Did he text that he doesn't want to be around you or that he feels good about you?

he texted me this afternoon that he feels good about us today. about an hour ago, he said he doesn't want to be around me and that he is not sure he can do this.

What's going on? Do you know?