2nd post
Married almost 16 yrs
Dated 17 yrs, 2 months, 12 days
4 children (S-28, S-21, D-14, S-7)
1 grandson
Caught wife talking on phone to OM on Feb 11, 2013
Asked for affair to end and was told on 16 Feb that it had
Found out today that it has not

I am now considering exposure, but am terrified of the consequences. I do not want to lose my love. I am just today realizing that I will probably lose her if I don't get the affair to end.

The uniqueness of our situation, she can't see anything about our lives that is good. We are broke, have some medical issues, have her parents (in poor health) living with us, enduring long dark cold winters, and very little activities in which our kids are involved. My wife and I have been depressed for a long time. I fear a deeper depression by exposing the affair. She has already mentioned suicide (before affair), and it is something I wouldn't be able to live with. I know I have physical time with her to continue filling her love bank where the OM does not. Eventually, the fun of a secret online affair is going to wear off.
I know that if I tell our sons, especially the 7 yr old, they will be very anger with her and that disappointment may be too much for her to handle.

I want the affair to end because I know I can win her back until it does, but I don't want to risk losing her permanently trying to make it stop.

Please help, I am tired of the pain.

Jaymac,

I would be more worried about the effect on your WW if the affair continues to blossom, and then withers dramatically as we know is much more likely to happen.

The fact that it is on-line means the OM can continue it for a long time before it crashes too, can you really endure that torture?

God Bless
Gamma

Here's the thing, Jaymac. Dude, you've already lost her. She's already emotionally, in her heart, with the other man, not with you. She's gone in every way that counts.

You can either bust up the affair & possibly thereby win her back. Or you can shrink from exposure & she'll stay in the affair, meaning that she'll stay lost.

I was someone's other man once. (I am sorry to say.) Four years ago. And when I learned one day that her husband had found out about us (which was tantamount to exposure, since at that point it became inevitable that my wife wold find out), I dropped the affair like it was a jar of anthrax.

Exposure didn't just save my marriage, it saved my family & may have saved my life.

If you love her, you'll expose the affair. It may save her life.

If your marriage can survive an affair and all the lies associated with it, then it certainly can survive telling the truth to the people that matter in your lives.

Surviving an affair has greater odds of success when the truth is exposed. Allow the secrets and the darkness associated with them to prevail and you'll find a marriage that is crippled at best.


Repeat this all day, every day - You are strong and you'll survive this no matter what else she does.

Now,

Expose!

Sir, you already have. your 'love' is having an affair.
Has she been hospitalized? Is she on medication? Does she see a psychiatrist? Has she attemped suicide before?

When she 'mentioned' suicide did you immediately get help for her?

Have you looked at the fact that people in affairs suffer significant depression? Spend some time on this site and read posts by former waywards. They will tell you about the depths of depression. It is a known fact that affairs cause or increase depression in the affairees. Do you really think that standing out of her way while she blows up her life is in her best interest?

My WH talked of suicide prior to his affair. He never made an attempt until he was living with his affair partner and she threatened to leave him. I hadn't found MB yet. But if you let the situation get that far, it will be way more depressing to your wife that she lost her family over this guy and she will be MORE likely to attempt suicide if you do not expose.

My WW attempted to jump from a moving vehicle because of her affair. She has serious depression issues that she blames me for. That's called guilt, the guilt gets so bad for WS that they attempt suicide because of the affair and the fact they are ruining their lives and betraying their values, morals. Also most WS use the suicide card to keep the BS in line. EXPOSE! Stop making excuses.

Here is your game plan. Most betrayed husbands haven't the courage to follow it fully,
to their own discomfiture. Those that do have remarkably better results than the rest.

NEVERGUESSED'S BETRAYED HUSBAND SURVIVAL KIT

1- KEEP ALL THESE ARRANGEMENTS SECRET FROM YOUR WAYWARD WIFE!
2 � Put a keylogger on any computer you can access that she might use.
3 � Put a spy program on any cell that she might use. ("Eblaster" can cover #4 as well.)
4 � Put a GPS on her car, reporting to your computer.
5 � Put a VAR in her car, and in any room she might use to take "personal" calls
6 � Get a mini-audio-recorder, and have it in your possession and "on" whenever in her presence.
7 � Put together an e-address list of anyone who might have influence on her � parents, siblings (sisters, especially), coworkers, college friends, clergy, hairdresser, anyone.
8 � Put together a similar list for the POSOM.
WHEN YOU HAVE SUFFICIENT EVIDENCE,
9 � Put together the electronic evidence for each AP.
10 - Write a cover note for your wife's contacts, to the tune of: "I must unhappily inform you that my wife, XXXXXX, is carrying on an illicit affair with YYYYYY. I am hoping to recover our marriage, and ask if you have any influence over her, to urge her to abandon her cheating lifestyle and return to me and our family. Her cell number is 111-222-3333"
11 � Write a similar note to POSOM's contacts.
12 � Send out both packages, to all contacts at one time.
13 � Brace yourself.

Any news?

So, Jaymac, have you shaken off those terrors and saddled up to save your marriage yet?