My husband and I have been married for two years. We dated off and on for two years before we got married. he is younger than i am, 24 years old and i am almost 27. I moved from my home state to be with him because he's in the military. Two weeks after I arrived I found out he had taken a girl out on a date, as a group date with another married man and his girlfriend! I was furious, but he swore he wouldn't do it again and I forgave him and moved on. Since then he has been deployed and the reoccurring problem of him talking to women via Facebook, email or text message finally hit the all time high a few months ago. We almost divorced over it but he swore he'd change and even started going to counseling with me. I felt we were finally in a place where we can have a good marriage! Flash forward to two weeks ago, we had our anniversary but I felt he wasn't fully into it as I was. He did nothing special for me that day but pay for my tuition, as he doesn't anyways. He had his phone in his hand even at dinner and I finally had enough later that night. I asked him "are you going to have your phone in your hand all night?" This triggered him to close off and become mean to me. That night we made love, but it was forced, so I felt. That morning I looked in his phone and he had been talking to a girl who was calling him baby. She lives in another state, and so do all the girls he normally flirts with via text. He told her he wanted her to himself! I was enraged and he share no remorse until later. The next weekend, a girl he works with sent him a phot of herself and her new dog, and I has had enough! I told him I wanted to go to his command, and get him out the house. But again he swears he will do whatever it takes to keep me and our family. (We have a 17 month old son). What should I do? I am at a lost! Should I start plan b? Should I just return home? I can't sleep right or eat because this feels like the end, and I feel the man I love has no love or respect for me! He affairs he is having are over the phone and text messages but I know you can see they are still affairs and they still hurt me dearly!

Tiffany,

Two weeks after I arrived I found out he had taken a girl out on a date, as a group date with another married man and his girlfriend

Since you have a child together you should at least try to do everything to salvage the marriage. You need to expose these girls/OW and this married man, you've allowed him to cheat on you too many times without consequence this has to end.

God Bless
Gamma

Also prior to plan B you should report his affair to the Inspector General.
Go to the notable posts thread and click on Exposure 101.
There should be a link to the inspector general there.

Family and friends should also be exposed to.
And the married friend that went on a date 2 years ago....call his wife and let her know. She has a right to know.

You need to get the book Surviving an Affair by Dr Willard Harley ASAP!

They moved and I have no idea of talking with her, but I recently told our families about his actions but none of them have talked to him. Should I have him call them and admit to them what I've already exposed? He's had some consequences but you're right not much because I truly believed he'd get it! Especially after zcounceling last time. He says he has a right to his privacy, and I should go through his phone, but after hearing com Dr. Harley there is no privacy when surviving affair(s)

So you think it's time for plan b? I'm not sure what the inspector general will do, but if its like his command I know he will lose his job. My fear is what will happen to me and his son? Without his child support I don't think I could survive until I finish my degree in a year. I've thought about going to his command but was warned by a friend that they would kick him and the other girl out.

In all likelihood they would not be kicked out but told not tobe in contact.

Go to his command. You will find they are a big ally.

Have you read this?
Exposure 101

You need to contact the Inspector General before his command.
There should be a link on the Exposure 101 Thread.

I'm in the military. They won't kick him out. Maybe reduce his rank or his pay for a couple months and hurt him for promotion. Read the UCMJ in regards to adultery and honestly the military really doesn't enforce it like they should. I am positive an investigation will commence and a no contact order will be established between the two immoral parties. Here's the kicker you want that! It's the heavy stick of Plan A! So go to the IG first! Then go to his command sailors soldiers airmen and marines all gossip and talk. Once again you want this! When word gets out and it will every cheating and two timing skank betraying military values and bearings will know not to flirt and talk to your husband! Again for redundancy YOU WANT THIS. When he gets mad tell him you did this for our family and I am sorry you feel they way. Have a VAR on you to protect you from his violence if it comes to that. Nothing hurts a military man more than a black mark on his career, especially when he is betraying honor courage and commitment.

If he gets violent RO him out of the house and do Plan B. Being a military spouse you always hold that creed: honor to expose the affair far and wide, courage to stand up and fight for you family and commitment to your military man by not allowing him to treat you like used garbage. Expos� now remember IG first, this prevents them from sweeping it under the rug and then his command. Sad thing about uniform careers commitment is often used to cover up a fellow serviceman's misdeeds. Stop this cycle you have the power. Once it is done come back for more advice. Oh start snooping and save all emails and texts for the investigation. Bring up the texts and have a VAR on you when he replies about them. He is underestimating you, his foggy mind makes him think your weak and malleable. Rectify this by your IG call!

Thank you for your advice! And you're right I do want that! I want him to see I am serious! And this has to stop, he can take a pay cut for all I care, I'd rather be $100 or so dollars more broke than have a broken heart or/and family down the line

Thank you! I wil check it out now

I have a question, should I tell him I am doing this??

No.
You should not tell him that you are exposing his adulterous actions.
You want to expose to the IG.
Then you need to expose to family and friends all in one day. It is called "nuclear exposure".
If you know any of the women Involved then you should expose to their family and friends also.

The reason for exposure is that exposure often kills an affair. When people have adulterous relationships they thrive on secrecy and fantasy. Once that is brought into light the fantasy quickly crumbles.

Please post your exposure letter here for review before you send it.

I did it. He didn't come home for two nights, I'm not even sure if he's going to come home tonight. In the mist of all of this instead of getting his stuff together he seems to be doing the opposit. He told me he was coming home last night but didn't. I'm not sure what to do. I know he's angry, but why do I have to be the one who pays emotionally for these affairs? How do I know he's not out there messing around?? It seems like its gotten worse

What did you do?
Did you expose his affair and contact the inspector General?

He's a wayward, you know what he's doing. You don't even have to guess at it. You need to stand up and fight for your marriage. He's going to fuss and fume; let him. You stand fast and be calm. You talk about saving your marriage not the crap he's pulling. Don't let yourself get dragged down into the mire of self pity. He has said he wants to come home, he has attempted to work on the marriage in the past. You still have a chance to recover this marriage.

Read the Exposure and Plan A threads, get the Surviving an Affair book. Stick to the plan. Follow every bit of advice the vets give you. Do it, and do it NOW. I'm living proof of what happens when you let this go on and don't follow the advice given.

Yes! And our families, his comander and some of our friends

Good work on the IG and informing his command but you should do ALL of your friends, mutual and otherwise. Keep updating your post. Remember he will be angry but let him know your not trying to hurt him but recover your marriage. Have a VAR on you when you deal with him. Don't let him know either! Stay calm and cool, you can do this. Your a military spouse! I know your tough lol.

Problem is we're military so most of our friends live back home and they at emote like aquantances. I have another issue, my son had a seizure last night, he was home and rush us to the hospital. Hes fine now, he had a dever that spiked and cause the seizure. We haven't talked about anything because of course our son is sick, but how do I mention what need to happen next? I made a ppointment with JAG for next Monday 3/18. I ordered surviving an affair but what do ido in the mean time?

I hope everything is ok with your son.

Until you go to Plan B you're in an A.

Good job on exposing to the IG. So let exposure do it's job.
Have you seen this?
Carrot and Stick of Plan A

Do you know if he's still in contact with OW?