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kinglui Offline OP
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Well, I gave a shot at the exposure letter to family and friends of my WW. Rough draft:


Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Exxx and I. As some of you know, Exxx and I have been having problems in our marriage. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on two or more affairs in the past 8 months. One started in the summer and lasted until October with an old acquaintance named Sxxx Rxxx who resides in Sxxx. He does not appear to be married, but does have a young child of his own. The second affair started in December with a man named Axxx Mxxx who resides in Wxxx and works in Sxxx. She met him at a salsa lesson/outing. He is divorced and has 2 young children and an ex girlfriend with whom he broke up after starting the affair with Exxx. This second affair is presently continuing even after I talked to Exxx about it, and she claimed she put a stop to it and said she would work on reconciling our marriage.

She has continued to tell me lies and made secret meetings with Axxx. I want our marriage to recover from these affairs. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop these dangerous affairs. I want to stay married and have a loving relationship with Exxx and have our children grow up in a happy, honest, and loving household. These affairs must end for good if that is ever to be accomplished.

As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with Exxx to persuade her to end the current affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only stop having these affairs and learn to become open and honest. Please support her in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest Regards,
Lxxx

PS. I can provide evidence to anyone who wishes to see the things that have devastated me.


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
Joined: Jan 2013
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kinglui Offline OP
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Suggestions on how to improve my letter? Also, is it a good idea to include OM's phone number? Do I need to state that the affairs were physical?

I also discovered a long distance EA affair through FB messaging with an old childhood friend. I probably should mention this and the guy's name, right?

Last edited by kinglui; 03/01/13 05:47 PM.

Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
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Exposure: 3/08/2013
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LINK to exposure letter samples

If you click on "forums" .... you will be able to view all the MB forums. Scroll all the way up and you will see a "notable posts" forum. Lots of good stuff there.

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kinglui Offline OP
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That link has only 2 samples and I haven't seen anything dealing with multiple affairs. Should I rather just focus on the current affair? Family may never forgive if they know about one after another. Still, I feel I have to reveal the multiples to some people.

Probably everyone thinks my situation doesn't have much hope, a lost cause, but I still would appreciate some suggestions.


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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Originally Posted by kinglui
Well, I gave a shot at the exposure letter to family and friends of my WW. Rough draft:


Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Exxx and I. As some of you know, Exxx and I have been having problems in our marriage. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that the reason is because she has been carrying on two or more affairs in the past 8 months. One started in the summer and lasted until October with an old acquaintance named Sxxx Rxxx who resides in Sxxx. He does not appear to be married, but does have a young child of his own. The second affair started in December with a man named Axxx Mxxx who resides in Wxxx and works in Sxxx. She met him at a salsa lesson/outing. He is divorced and has 2 young children and an ex girlfriend with whom he broke up after starting the affair with Exxx. This second affair is presently continuing even after I talked to Exxx about it, and she claimed she put a stop to it and said she would work on reconciling our marriage.

She has continued to tell me lies and made secret meetings with Axxx. If you have any influence on my wife, please do what you can to get her to stop these dangerous affairs. I want to stay married and have a loving relationship with Exxx and have our children grow up in a happy, honest, and loving household. These affairs must end for good if that is ever to be accomplished.
As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with Exxx to persuade her to end the current affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only stop having these affairs and learn to become open and honest. Please support herus in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest Regards,
Lxxx

PS. I can provide evidence to anyone who wishes to see the things that have devastated me.

You plead for support about 3 times, it sounds desperate, but I guess you are right about now. Let people know your goals and ways that they can help. Also let them know the true impact that divorce can do. The idea is to let others know what is going on, but try to leave your feelings of dirty cheating whore out. You are not writing this to her, and she probably won't care to read it. Plus you are working on Plan A here right?

Dont give your 7yo this letter talk to her and let her know that mommy is dating someone that she promised not to date and it is wrong. Even if mom and dad have fights it is still wrong.

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kinglui Offline OP
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Thanks for the recommendations, Wheels_spinning. Do you think I should change "has been carrying on two or more affairs" to "has had more than one affair" or something else that her family will digest more easily? And should I mention the long distance EA with OM from her home town?

Also, I am thinking to strikeout "that the reason is because".

Still need to figure out letter for OM's friends/family.

Yes, I have been on plan A, and that's what makes it so hard to go ahead with the exposure, because when it's her/me/kids doing things together our relationship of late has been quite pleasant and even seems like we are making progress. But then she continues to lead this second life. Are all plan A efforts wasted as long as the affair continues? Sometimes I feel like she is just doing positive things to passivate me.

Last edited by kinglui; 03/02/13 04:24 PM.

Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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Plan A is not a waste -- it shows how good life can be to the wayward. Exposure and then pleasantry from you.

If she does not change (which isn't likely to happen with just Plan A, although exposure DOES have a very high chance of ending the affair, some have ended the same day as exposure) through Plan A, you lead into Plan B.


One year becomes two, two years becomes five, five becomes ten and before you know it, you've wasted your whole life on a problem you can't solve. That's one way to spend your life. -rwinger

I will not spend my life this way.
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kinglui Offline OP
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How does this look for a revised version:

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing you this message because you are an important person in the lives of Exxx and I. As some of you know, Exxx and I have been having difficulties in our marriage. To my shock, I am saddened to have discovered that she has had more than one affair in the past 8 months. One started in the summer and lasted until October with an old acquaintance named Sxxx Rxxx who resides in Sxxx. He does not appear to be married, but does have a young child of his own. Another affair started in December with a man named Axxx Mxxx who resides in Wxxx and works in Sxxx. She met him at a salsa lesson/outing. He is divorced and has 2 young children and an ex girlfriend with whom he broke up after starting the affair with Exxx. This affair is presently continuing even after I talked to Exxx about it, and she claimed she put a stop to it and said she would work on reconciling our marriage. In addition Exxx is also presently having a long distance messaging romance with a childhood friend named Jxxx who resides in Lxxx.

I want to stay married and have a loving relationship with Exxx and have our children grow up in a happy, honest, and loving household. These affairs must end for good if that is ever to be accomplished. As our friends and family, I am asking that you use your influence with Exxx to persuade her to end the current affair and try to work on our marriage. Our marriage can be salvaged if she would only stop having affairs. Please support us in doing the right thing. Please support our marriage.

I would so appreciate your support and prayers.

Warmest Regards,
Lxxx

PS. I can provide evidence to anyone who wishes to see the things that have devastated me.


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
Joined: Oct 2012
Posts: 549
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Sounds good to me. When are you planning to expose?

Sample exposure letters to OM family here
http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2558474#Post2558474


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kinglui Offline OP
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I was planning for Monday because kids will be at school and I can be at "work". But that's also our 13th Anniversary. Do you think that's a bad idea? Give it until the following day?


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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kinglui Offline OP
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Originally Posted by Wheels_spinning
Also let them know the true impact that divorce can do.

Any suggestions on how/where to get this into my letter?


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Kinglui,

I'm not sure how many affairs you WW has had, but you asked about what should be included in the letter.

I think you need more than one letter, because you have to consider the audience reading them.

Your WW's family and friends should get a letter detailing all her affairs, with enough info. so they know who the OM are and can help keep them out of your life.

The letters to the OM family, friends and work should focus on OMs role in destroying your family and what he did, they should know enough about your WW to know her if she comes around. I think you want to tailor each letter to each OM as you want to highlight this OMs cruelty.

God Bless
Gamma

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kinglui Offline OP
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Modeling after the sample letters, this is what I came up with for the letter to the OM's friends:


Dear Friends of Axxx:

It grieves me to write this letter, but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Axxx has been having an affair with my wife, Exxx, since December. I believe it is important for you to know this, so you can protect your relationships from him. Exxx and I have been married for 13 years. We have 2 small children and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I ask that you use your influence with Axxx to persuade him to leave my wife alone. Also, I would appreciate it if you would notify his family and ask them to contact me via email at kxxx@xx.com .

I would be happy to provide evidence of the affair to anyone who asks.

Thank You,
Lxxx


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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That is a good letter.
I used the same one when I exposed

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Originally Posted by kinglui
Modeling after the sample letters, this is what I came up with for the letter to the OM's friends:


Dear Friends of Axxx:

It grieves me to write this letter, but I believe all of his friends should know the kind of person he really is. Axxx has been having an affair with my wife, Exxx, since December. I believe it is important for you to know this, so you can protect your relationships from him. Exxx and I have been married for 13 years. We have 2 small children and this affair has almost wrecked our marriage.

I ask that you use your influence with Axxx to persuade him to leave my wife alone. Also, I would appreciate it if you would notify his family and ask them to contact me via email at kxxx@xx.com .

I would be happy to provide evidence of the affair to anyone who asks.

Thank You,
Lxxx
Good job.

Did you send it? Did you expose?


FWW/BW (me)
WH
2nd M for both
Blended Family with 7 kids between us
Too much hurt and pain on both sides that my brain hurts just thinking about it all.



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kinglui Offline OP
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Not yet. I am in the process of translating my exposure letters and summary of evidence to Spanish since many of the friends and family only speak Spanish. I know Spanish somewhat, but it is more work than I thought.

I am also considering creating a hidden web page with photos and the summary of evidence (of course I won't say how I acquired the evidence), and then include a link in the exposure letters. I had seen this suggestion on MB. Or maybe it is better (and less time consuming) to just include it as an attachment to the exposure letters to WW's family and then only provide it to those others who ask to see it?

I will need to use conventional mail on the exposure letters to the ex-wife of OM, so I will need to send those out the day before email and FB exposure.

Right now I'm looking at Thursday or Friday for D-day. This will make it easier too in that I will be able to be with my kids over the weekend.

I also ask for your prayers. Thanks.

Last edited by kinglui; 03/05/13 07:17 PM.

Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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I have prayed for your family

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kinglui Offline OP
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Thank you so much, Jedi_Knight.


Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
Joined: Jan 2013
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kinglui Offline OP
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Can anyone provide more specific advice as to which friends of my WW to expose to?

MelodyLane had previously said that FB exposure is intended for the OP. Should it only be close friends which have regular communication with my WW? Should it only be friends that are considered friends of the family? Should I include friends that in my opinion might potentially enable wayward behavior? Should I include friends that in my opinion might help encourage reconciliation?

My WW has a large family (10 people), but none live near us.

Oh yeah, and any suggestions on the evidence? What level of detail is appropriate to give to family?

Last edited by kinglui; 03/06/13 12:41 PM.

Me: BH
Married: 2000
Children: 2 (2006, 2009)
WW (3 occurrences, 2004, 2012, 2013, discovered Jan 2013)
Exposure: 3/08/2013
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Everyone.

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