As I said I am going to confront wife about this guy tonight after my daughter goes to bed

You do this and you'll tell her that you are suspicious and snooping! WRONG!!! Stay with the exposure plan, dammit! The week it should take you to do the job RIGHT is not likely to expose your daughter to any great danger, beyond what you've permitted to date!

Dad,

NG is correct. If you let your wife know you are suspicious, she and OM will tell everyone at work how crazy you are. Get the proof first and then conduct a massive exposure. It should only take a few days.

In the meantime, keep your daughter close to you, without confronting your wife.

I sincerely hope you are listening and will act this time. Please listen to the advice you are getting here. There are many, many people who have been through this experience and KNOW what actions to take. You are not alone. People here get frustrated when they see betrayed spouses suffering needlessly. If you act and take control of the situation, you will feel better.

BTW, when talking to a wayward, there is nothing you can say that will "shock" them into behaving differently. Waywards will rationalize what they are doing in the same manner drug addicts or alcoholics do.

AM

You must get the book Surviving An Affair immediately and read it. Its a few bucks available on this site.

You allowed your wife to act selfishly and without any regard for you for too long.

What is she doing that she's at work for 80 hours a week? Are you sure she's at work?

Put a VAR in her car.

And a GPS

No not sure if she is at work or not. Going to pick up a var today and have been looking at gps's as well. Looks like i will have to go with passive gps as the live active ones seem so expensive.

All this was said to you on your first thread back in December. I am shocked that you did nothing that we told you to do.

I myself told you to put a VAR in the room where she sleeps. Why didn't you do that?

I guess because I am a fool and believed her when she said she would knock it off and for all I could see she had for a while. Then a few weeks ago i found the card in the glove box and confronted that and again was told i was over reacting. I guess the true reason is maybe i put my head back into the sand after dec but do not intend to do that again. I will when the time is right (was going to do it tonight but many say to wait till more info gathered) confront her and basically say for her and I it is stop with this guy or I am gone and as to my daughter there is to be no contact at all between her and that guy regardless of what the answer to number 1 is.

Are you intentionally blocking out what was suggested? Because if "Plan MB" is not going to be your path, and "Plan D102" is again to be your choice (and hasn't that just been a rousing success thus far?), save us a whole lot of effort and just tell us.

YOU ARE NEVER TO CONFRONT WW!!!! N - E - V - E - R !

You just throw the exposure bomb, without revealing your sources of intel, and wait for the crap-icane to land on WW Island!

Barkeep! A double!

So I should basically just gather info and then out her by telling everyone but her? Or do I tell her at the same time I let everyone else know?

Also what if I am wrong? I know all signs seem to point to me being right but what if?

Sorry if it seems I am not taking advice, I am I also though am just trying to handle this with what will be best for my daughter as the number one criteria. And I will be honest I don't want her having anything to do with this person ever again and am having a hard time with waiting to get evidence and not stopping that situation right away.

Dad, you CANNOT stop the situation without information. The exposure is your best weapon to stop the A. Without accurate information, WW can use your accusations against you later on. It will be her proof that you are crazy. The truth will set you free, anything else will kill you. make sure you have the truth before you expose and then let her friends tell her that it was done. Say nothing. When she confronts you, simply tell her that you are fighting for your family like a man should. Everything is on the table in that regard.

been reading a few other threads and posts on here and have come to the conclusion that moving out or even the threat of it might not be such a good idea.

That would actually just make it easier for her to carry on and probably make it worse for my daughter.

Basically I just want her to stop this crap or I want to move on with my and my daughters life.

The more i think about all this the more pissed off i really get.

That is going to happen everyday. You'll be up one minute and down the next. One minute you'll be ready to file D papers, the next you'll be proposing all over again. It's normal from what I understand. I'm 2 months out from D-Day and I've been on a rollercoaster ride.

Now, I REALLY enjoy a thrill ride like rollercoasters and skydiving. but this is too extreme for me. I want to get off this ride but I know I cannot. With or without a D, you're still going to ride this one out.

Try to be patient and listen to the advice you're getting here. Let Plan A work as long as possible before separating.

I don't know if this is good, bad right or wrong but alot of days i feel like if not for my daughter i would just move out, take my name off all the bills and move on. Then sometimes i feel sad about the whole thing and find myself thinking of better times. When you say rollercoaster you are so right.

I was asked on here why did i not do something back in Dec when this came to light the first time around. I have been doing alot of thinking on that and perhaps this rollercoaster has something to do with it. When things calm down i think i just so hope that maybe the ship of my marriage is righting it self from sinking. But alas i guess that will not happen without me firing my torpedoes on it to hopefully set it right.

Like lancing a wound you need to cause more short term pain to get rid of the infection and start the healing i guess.

You married her for a reason, right? I told WW that one of 3 things would die in this fight. The A, our M or Me...

I did, but that time seems oh so long ago.

Tell us about your M.

Well we have been married 11 years. It is my 1st her 2nd marriage. Both were somewhat older when we married ( I was 37 and she was 32). Worked at having a child for a while before it actually happened, so very glad it did although it can be tough chasing around a 6 yr old at 48 lol. Things were good up until about a year or so after our daughter was born. When she had our daughter we decided that she would leave her well paying professional job to be home with our daughter for the 1st 5 years. She took a part time job (about 8 hrs a week) and things were going well until she decided to take a 2nd part time job (the job she has now). That just kept becoming more and more time consuming. Then when out daughter started school it just went onto turbo. Then the late nights started and the job that was supposed to be so good due to flexibility started to rule all. Then all the stuff with the co worker started. That kind of brings things to now I guess.

That sounds like a lot to fight for. Dont let this POSOM win this thing. She is YOUR wife, not his.

The only thing that YOU have control over is you. Start making the changes in you that will be needed to win her back. Even if this ends in D, you'll need to make those changes to have any healthy relationships in the future. Listen/adhere to the advice that you are given here and prepare to fight. this is not a fight with your W, its a war against infidelity. Right now, she is dazed and confused. Keep your head clear, avoid AO at all costs. That is the biggest LB that you can commit. Spend as much time with DD as you can and make her feel safe. Keep telling WW that you want your M to succeed and be better than before. No matter what she says, keep telling her that. Remember, she's dazed right now.

Why and how did her first marriage end?

From what I was told (mostly by her) she left him because he was tired all the time from being a farmer and didn't want to do anything but sleep alot. Also had issues with former mother in law from what she said.